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Husband mum broke her wrist and pubic bone and he wants to fly to Spain for 24 hours, leaving me, our 6 week old and our toddler behind

759 replies

DreamWaves · 09/05/2025 09:17

My husband’s mum had a bike accident and broke her wrist and pubic bone and can’t currently walk. She lives in Spain with her husband and daughter (we live in London). My brother in law is flying out to help. My husband also wants to fly out for 24 hours, more for ‘emotional support’ than anything and to ‘rally round’ their mum as a family. He wants to go as much for himself as for her.

However he’ll be leaving me alone with our 6 week old baby and toddler who arguably need him more, as there is plenty of support for his mum in Spain. He’s asked if my parents can come over and help, which is an inconvenience to them as they’ll have to spend the night and potentially cancel plans (and they’re both in their late 70s). My mum thinks my husband is being selfish as his priority should be us - he doesn’t seem to realise the knock on effect leaving me with two young kids would have and the extra work it creates for me, and extra pressure it puts on my parents. He said he’d stay if I ask him to but I know he’d think I was being insensitive to his mum’s plight. Is he being selfish or I am being unreasonable? Not sure how to play this one.

OP posts:
Zanatdy · 09/05/2025 17:12

It’s 24hrs. You wouldn’t want to visit your sick mum? Sure you’ll cope.

Emmz1510 · 09/05/2025 17:17

Yabu

MrsB74 · 09/05/2025 17:19

SelinaPlace · 09/05/2025 09:19

I don’t think 24 hours absence to check on his Mum after an accident is at all unreasonable.

This! My husband had to fly out to Spain for a week when his Dad died out there. We had eight month old twins at the time and no family nearby. You’ll be fine - they are your children!

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Turtletot79 · 09/05/2025 17:20

If you have additional needs I totally respect you are unable to look after your children for a day, perhaps your parents are able to rearrange their schedule or perhaps a friend can help you?

CantStopMoving · 09/05/2025 17:22

Why don’t you all go out of curiosity?

Scottsy200 · 09/05/2025 17:23

This is a joke right? It’s 24 hours suck it up buttercup his Mum has had an accident, Fast forward 30 years and your child’s partner tells them not to come and see you after an accident - how does that make you feel?

aLittleWhiteHorse · 09/05/2025 17:24

Gosh, I’m surprised at the overall tone that you are being selfish, OP.

i suspect ypu could manage fine for 24 hours. It also seems your MIL has a lot of support and does not need your husband to go.

E.G. If he waited 2 weeks, your baby would be more resilient, you would be more healed from child birth, and his mum would have his visit to look forward to. Perhaps he would also take the toddler to cheer everyone up in Spain. You might if the positions were reversed?

I think you did the right thing in leaving it up to him, but having a baby is very demanding physically and emotionally and you need support too. This does not seem to be an essential trip, but it’s nice if your family can work together to make this happen for your husband to support him.

J578 · 09/05/2025 17:25

It’s 24 hours - personally I would like it that my husband was compassionate. It’s HIS MUM. Unless you want to be treated like that when you’re kids are older, I would really think about what you’re saying.

JudgeyJudie · 09/05/2025 17:26

My Ex H buggered off before my son was born and I had a lively (just) 3 year old.
You'll cope - let him visit his mum x

beautyobessed · 09/05/2025 17:32

You’d have to be the most selfish human being I’ve ever met. You’re a big walking red flag. I’d encourage him to stay there for a week!! I’d be so happy to marry a man who clearly loves his mum.

AliBaliBee1234 · 09/05/2025 17:34

If it was your mum, would you go?

It's only 24 hours and i'm sure your parents will be able to help.

HaloDolly · 09/05/2025 17:38

Can he take toddler with him? We travelled all over with ours, it’s not that hard, especially with relatives to keep them entertained.

ZoeCM · 09/05/2025 17:43

YABVU. It's one night. You can cope without your husband and parents' help for one night.

Bluebellsparklypant · 09/05/2025 17:52

So your more concerned about your parents that ‘might have to cancel plans’ to help while you can’t afford your mother in law her family around her after her accident?!

CuthbertStrange · 09/05/2025 17:53

Wow! His mum is in such a bad way. It’s only right he sees her. I’m sorry, but I’m appalled you can’t think if her situation and of your husband’s as he must be beside himself with worry. He only has one mum and she won’t be around forever.

Lights22 · 09/05/2025 17:55

I haven't read all the replies. But I actually think your mum is the one being unreasonable.

This scenario would have put the fear of god in me if it happened to me, but my mum would be there in a flash. My mum's, mine and my husband's values are all aligned so it wouldn't be a question of "if" but how and when.

For everyone else who's saying OP can "surely" cope for one day, do one. You have absolutely no idea of her circumstances, so by all means be encouraging and supportive but there's a reason she's here asking, and it's because it's fricking hard work.

Hugs OP

Sunshineandoranges · 09/05/2025 18:03

What a lovely son. Your parents can help.yabu

WordleAway · 09/05/2025 18:11

YABU … It’s only a day. Why can’t you parent your own kids for 24 hours without having someone to help?

Lilactimes · 09/05/2025 18:22

It probably feels daunting but I’m sure you will cope. I think if he didn’t want to go, it wouldn’t say much about him as a caring person x

TheSilentSister · 09/05/2025 18:22

Christ, what's wrong with MN tonight.
DH Mum is in Spain, with plenty of support and it's not critical.
OP is at home with a DC and a new baby, that's where DH should be, with his immediate family. I'm sure his Mum would understand.

Treesarenotforeating · 09/05/2025 18:23

It’s 24hrs not days, weeks, months
he feels he’s needs to support her then he should

Pam100127 · 09/05/2025 18:26

My husband went for 5 days to the States, to attend a wedding, when I had a 4 year old (at primary school, so all the school runs) & a 5 month old.
We managed fine. I was exclusively breastfeeding and had no outside help, but we got by.
Twenty four hours, you’ll manage.

Laurensorrenson · 09/05/2025 18:28

@DreamWaves so you've told him he "must" go, so you can have a massive huff when he does go... why don't you just tell him you'd rather he didn't go, because you cannot cope for 24 hrs....apparently, fuck knows why ..

BotterMon · 09/05/2025 18:31

FFS get a grip! He should be going for a few days. You'll cope.

Are you always this selfish?

Horserider5678 · 09/05/2025 18:40

Yeahno · 09/05/2025 09:35

I don't understand this site sometimes. Why can't MIL
cope with her husband and daughter and a call from her son. Why is the OP, who gave birth 5 weeks ago, expected to cope with the baby and toddler.
If the husband is asking OP to get help, he knows she needs the help. Why put your wife in that situation? To go to Spain for 24hrs? In the days of videos calls?
If anyone should cope, it should be MIL.

Because OP is being feeble! My friend’s partner went on deployment for 6 months leaving her with a 3 week old and a 2 year old. I’d bet my life if it was the other way around she’d be gone no question! It’s 24 hours, if she can’t cope for 24 hours, she’s got serious parenting problems! What does she do when her husband is at work?

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