Husband mum broke her wrist and pubic bone and he wants to fly to Spain for 24 hours, leaving me, our 6 week old and our toddler behind

[DreamWaves]

My husband’s mum had a bike accident and broke her wrist and pubic bone and can’t currently walk. She lives in Spain with her husband and daughter (we live in London). My brother in law is flying out to help. My husband also wants to fly out for 24 hours, more for ‘emotional support’ than anything and to ‘rally round’ their mum as a family. He wants to go as much for himself as for her.

However he’ll be leaving me alone with our 6 week old baby and toddler who arguably need him more, as there is plenty of support for his mum in Spain. He’s asked if my parents can come over and help, which is an inconvenience to them as they’ll have to spend the night and potentially cancel plans (and they’re both in their late 70s). My mum thinks my husband is being selfish as his priority should be us - he doesn’t seem to realise the knock on effect leaving me with two young kids would have and the extra work it creates for me, and extra pressure it puts on my parents. He said he’d stay if I ask him to but I know he’d think I was being insensitive to his mum’s plight. Is he being selfish or I am being unreasonable? Not sure how to play this one.

You do realise many people start to get age related ill health in their 60s/70s? Not everyone is fit as a fiddle at that age. I lost 2 grandparents in their 60s.

Oh for goodness sake. This has turned into some sort of competition about who can relate the worst case scenarios about 'the elderly' with a broken bone.
For a start she may be very fit - she was cycling.
Another - dying from a broken hip happens usually when the person has co-morbidities and ends up in bed, rather than being mobile, where they develop either pneumonia or circulation problems.
To give another side to this, I know several elderly people who were well into their 80s who broke hips and were fine afterwards.

No -it's 40s now as everyone's so fat.

This has all got so off the topic.

Half the poster here have the MIL in an early grave.

Things definitely take longer to heal even after 40.

I remember injuring my knee in my twenties. It healed pretty quickly.

I injured my kneee at age 40 and its still not completely right a year later

That’s great, the point is that it does happen and knowing that is enough to shake both the DH and the MIL. My relative was also fit, complications happen and they’re not that uncommon. They knowledge alone would be enough to potentially make a child want to see their parent, so all the people saying it’s fine and he doesn’t need to go, it’s an explanation as to why he may WANT to. And this isn’t just a broken wrist, it’s multiple breaks and I imagine other injuries not mentioned. It’s quite serious by the sounds of things. How she did it isn’t relevant .

It’s not a competition of anything. It’s people using life experiences to support and explain their points of view in response to other comments. In exactly the same way that you have just done in response to me.

Sorry but you are being extremely selfish and putting your husband in an awful position. Are you really that incompetent that you cannot care for a baby and a toddler at once for one day. Why would you even need your parents help for such a short period of time surely you can be a parent for 24 hours without supervision.
I have 3 including a newborn on my own and one of those have severe additional needs yet i manage without any help from my parents or anyone else.j

No they are just being realistic that his mother didn’t just break a pinky toe but had a serious fall which resulted in some serious breaks.

any caring child would want to go and see their parent in those circumstances . I love my husband and children but I also love my parents- I am still their daughter. I therefore would absolutely want to see them immediately if something like this happened. I know my husband would have taken the kids and driven me to the airport and done everything to support me. He would have been able to look after the children for 24 hours just fine.

Actually broken bones in older people can and often do result in death!!

Unless you are ill/disabled in any way (which i hope you aren't) then I can't understand why you are getting so stressed over being left for 24hrs with your own children. Surely your Husband would be back in work now after 6 weeks anyway? Unless he is your registered carer 🤷‍♀️

Agree completely. You should be able to manage to look after your own children for 24 hours. I think it's lovely he wants to go see his Mum when I'm sure she's had a fright, in pain, and would appreciate her children rallying round her.

You might also appreciate your children caring about you one day. I'm sure you'd have a lot to say if their future partners refused to let them visit you for 24 hours after an accident.

I hope your raising your children to be a less selfish person than you are being right now. If you cannot care for your children on your own for 24 hours or so without your husband or your parents then you shouldn’t have had children. I feel bad for him being married to such a selfish person who would even consider stopping him from going to see her and for her having such a selfish self centred daughter in law.

I’m sure the mum doesn’t expect or feel entitled to it but the 1 day visit will probably mean a lot to his mum and will be nice for DH to spend a few hours with family who’ve rallied round together. It’s not unreasonable and doesn’t require someone travelling in order to help.

You come across very selfish and very entitled. Of course he was to see his mum for both their peace of minds. It will lift her no end to see him. You are being very selfish. I had 3 under 6. I just got on with it with no help at all as he was always out. Let's hope nothing ever happens to you and you expect your kids to come and see you. Hope karma bites you on the arse big time. Your husband sounds very caring. You however do not.

What’s the difference between DH going now leaving Op with a toddler and 6 week old instead of in a couple of weeks?

I’m sure you could cope for 24 hours, infact if my dh’s mother had just been in an accident I’d be telling him to stay for a couple of days

Good you didnt tell your husband before getting a reality check because he would see you (and your parents) for what you are...
I wonder if your mum was unwell would you be happy if he told you to stay put because you need to do the dishes. Poor man.

Shame voting wasn't enabled.

YABVU (or were, before your post to say you've told him to go).

I think the only unreasonable thing is for him to try and get back within 24 hours. I'd be telling him to see how it goes, but to try and spend 2 or 3 days with her.

Sorry but it's one day. I think you're being unreasonable. You will be fine

That's his mum! I hope your children never treat you as badly as you want your husband to treat his mum.

Why don't you all go OP?

I have an 8 week old and a toddler. Its 24 hours. I'd be telling him to go

You will cope for 24 hours. Understandably he wants to see his mum. Just stay in the house during that time.

Sorry just seen your update. That's good.

V unreasonable. A lot of women have partners that work nights or go on frequent work trips. Are you feeling anxious OP? I can’t think of any other reason you’d ask him not to go. I find it really mean for his mother who’s had a serious accident.

You may feel daunted by the thought of being alone with a baby and a toddler, but you will be ok. In the moments it feels tough, know that they will pass.

I get it, I had three under 4 years and lived overseas for DH’s military work. His work also involved him being away at sea for months on end. Four hours after my third was born he had to leave for three months. Believe me I felt alone and worried how I would cope, but we coped just fine by getting on with our little routine.

DH’s mum and DH will get comfort from being with each other at this time. It is hard being overseas from your family, especially when something happens. 24 hours is nothing, it might be nice to suggest he goes for a little longer.

You'll be fine....it's 24 hours and some of that the children will be asleep...even if baby will be feeding through the night
Just have a day inside/ at home ...get some treats for you to eat etc