Husband mum broke her wrist and pubic bone and he wants to fly to Spain for 24 hours, leaving me, our 6 week old and our toddler behind

[DreamWaves]

My husband’s mum had a bike accident and broke her wrist and pubic bone and can’t currently walk. She lives in Spain with her husband and daughter (we live in London). My brother in law is flying out to help. My husband also wants to fly out for 24 hours, more for ‘emotional support’ than anything and to ‘rally round’ their mum as a family. He wants to go as much for himself as for her.

However he’ll be leaving me alone with our 6 week old baby and toddler who arguably need him more, as there is plenty of support for his mum in Spain. He’s asked if my parents can come over and help, which is an inconvenience to them as they’ll have to spend the night and potentially cancel plans (and they’re both in their late 70s). My mum thinks my husband is being selfish as his priority should be us - he doesn’t seem to realise the knock on effect leaving me with two young kids would have and the extra work it creates for me, and extra pressure it puts on my parents. He said he’d stay if I ask him to but I know he’d think I was being insensitive to his mum’s plight. Is he being selfish or I am being unreasonable? Not sure how to play this one.

I’d be booking dh’s flights and insisting he stay longer than 24 hours. I can’t believe you’re even suggesting you need him more. I’m not saying it’s not hard being alone with baby and toddler but sometimes we have to suck it up.

I agree. If it was longer, fair enough, you need him at the moment but 24 hours will soon pass. You'll manage and think how much him going out there at this time will be appreciated. Sometimes we have to put ourselves out and this is one of them.

God, you're being unbelievably selfish.
Of course he should go and pay his Mum a flying visit.

It's 24 hours. You'll be fine. He sounds very thoughtful. It will mean a lot to his Mum.

thats not why he’s going! His mum is hurt badly and he wants to see her. I find this so strange that some people don’t get it. If one of my parents was hurt I’d be there like a shot to give them a hug and just check with my own eyes they are ok. Your parents don’t stop being your parents just because you grow up!

In other words, completely go to pieces because big man has stepped outside the door.
Come on, how do you think single mums cope. or those whose husbands work away for long periods.
Women are better than that, they even hold it together when men go to war!

YABU.
How lucky you are to have a caring partner.
A good role model for your DC.
Of course single parents manage every day.
You are a grown woman & can cope for one day.

Some of the responses here are unnecessarily harsh. Yes, women do have to cope with newborns and toddlers in trying circumstances, but there’s no need to turn into the Four Yorkshiremen. Coping with lack of sleep and recovering from birth (none of us know whether OP suffered any birth injury or trauma) can be really tough.

Clearly the DH can offer much more useful hands-on help with his children than with his mother, who already has multiple adults caring for her. However, the bigger picture is that this has probably shocked him into realising that his mother isn’t invincible, she isn’t going to be around forever, and she lives a long way away. He’s probably thinking about how many opportunities he has left to spend time with her.

Think you’re backtracking here OP. You have spoken to him already … you say in your OP, He’s asked if my parents can come over and help. Anyway, you know you’re being unreasonable here, it’s 24 hours for goodness sake.

It really isn't a two person job, lots of mothers do it alone for reasons of work etc.. A 6 week old will presumably eat and sleep, the toddler can be taken for walks, down to the play park, even watch TV, the OP may learn something about herself through the experience.
Were it her mother who had had a quite serious accident then the responses would be quite different.

What on earth?? Of course he should go and see his mum. That’s awful, the poor lady, she should definitely be his priority. I’m sure you can cope for a day. Or your parents can cancel their plans if you really can’t. But YABVU.

Absolutely agree with you 100%.
But if it’s someone’s first time being left and they’re nervous about it, then it’s ok for them as an individual to feel that way. And it’s ok to be nice and give advice. Even if you wouldn’t feel the same in their shoes.

I am sure you can cope for a day. He is obviously worried about his mum and wants to see her. My husband used to work away in the week when my children were that age.
It's possible to do things alone .

you are being massively unreasonable

its 24 hours, you will cope! ask friends if you need to

his poor mum

Of course he should go! Don't be so selfish, OP.

HNRTT but let's hope your mother is equally selfless when life hits her though I'd expect miraculously, circumstances will be different, the DC will be older, she won't have as many DC herself or anything else that suits her.

Hmmmm………think back 86 years and consider all those wives left behind with babies and children whilst their braver husbands, as well as countless others, fought for our freedom…….enough said. 🙄

It would probably better if he went a separate time to his brother for support t his mum.

This sounds incredibly stressful as it is something completely out of the blue. I can empathize with you; equally it must be a huge shock for your husband. I would support him in going, but maybe ask for help to make sure I have precooked meals or in organizing someone to drop by. I don’t know your personal circumstances but his 24 h absence appears to be distressing you. In your situation I would find ways to make that absence easier for me to work my way through and make plans eg a friend dropping by for an hour so I could wash and have a coffee with them, a lunch or dinner ready to go, favourite things you and the toddler do together, etc. It’s understandable that a sudden change in the daily rhythm and supports may have rocked your boat a bit; you’ve got this 💐

You are being very unreasonable. His mum is badly injured and needs help. He is right to go. It is only 24 hours!

I can't believe the roasting you're getting on this thread @DreamWaves. Yes it sounds like a nasty accident but his mum isn't dying and two other adult children are out there with her. Possibly he could go out in a few weeks once his brother has come home but him dashing out (for 24hrs!) sounds quite performative and more about keeping up appearances/with his siblings than about actually looking after her. How much help is he ACTUALLY going to be?

No one said it wasn’t difficult. I remember only too well what it’s like looking after children at those stages. But we can do difficult things. It’s one day to see his seriously injured mum

Out of curiosity do you expect 24 hours to extend out .....

And, no, he should stay at home with you anyway hell be as much use as a chocolate teapot probably!

I also don't believe the roasting you're getting.

What use is he going to be? Hi mum, how are you, here's some grapes, bye mum. Of course he's worried but maybe go when she's at home recuperating.

YABU