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Original poster

Husband mum broke her wrist and pubic bone and he wants to fly to Spain for 24 hours, leaving me, our 6 week old and our toddler behind

759 replies

DreamWaves · 09/05/2025 09:17

My husband’s mum had a bike accident and broke her wrist and pubic bone and can’t currently walk. She lives in Spain with her husband and daughter (we live in London). My brother in law is flying out to help. My husband also wants to fly out for 24 hours, more for ‘emotional support’ than anything and to ‘rally round’ their mum as a family. He wants to go as much for himself as for her.

However he’ll be leaving me alone with our 6 week old baby and toddler who arguably need him more, as there is plenty of support for his mum in Spain. He’s asked if my parents can come over and help, which is an inconvenience to them as they’ll have to spend the night and potentially cancel plans (and they’re both in their late 70s). My mum thinks my husband is being selfish as his priority should be us - he doesn’t seem to realise the knock on effect leaving me with two young kids would have and the extra work it creates for me, and extra pressure it puts on my parents. He said he’d stay if I ask him to but I know he’d think I was being insensitive to his mum’s plight. Is he being selfish or I am being unreasonable? Not sure how to play this one.

OP posts:
CantStopMoving · 09/05/2025 12:37

Don’t leave the decision to him. Insist that he goes for his peace of mind. I don’t think he’s going to be of any help. He just wants to check on his mum.

godmum56 · 09/05/2025 12:37

OP, I think you got a roasting for this
" he doesn’t seem to realise the knock on effect leaving me with two young kids would have and the extra work it creates for me, and extra pressure it puts on my parents."

Lampzade · 09/05/2025 12:38

You are being selfish Op

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BombayBicycleclub · 09/05/2025 12:38

you are so unbelievably unreasonable

Jinglebellesrock · 09/05/2025 12:41

I think you and your mum are being very selfish not wanting your husband to go to see his mum. Have some compassion. It's bad enough being in another country from his parents who he can't see at the drop of a hat. It doesn't matter who else is there he wants to be there himself.
She's had a bad fall and it's lovely your husband wants to go check on her.
My God if you can't cope for 24hrs with your own children then maybe you shouldn't of had them.

BobbyBiscuits · 09/05/2025 12:41

If you ever broke your public bone I'd imagine you'd want your child to come and see you. Spain is no further time wise than a drive from one end of the UK to the other so it doesn't matter that it's another country.
You're a mum yourself. Try and imagine yourself in his and her position.

CleaningAngel · 09/05/2025 12:42

DreamWaves · 09/05/2025 09:17

My husband’s mum had a bike accident and broke her wrist and pubic bone and can’t currently walk. She lives in Spain with her husband and daughter (we live in London). My brother in law is flying out to help. My husband also wants to fly out for 24 hours, more for ‘emotional support’ than anything and to ‘rally round’ their mum as a family. He wants to go as much for himself as for her.

However he’ll be leaving me alone with our 6 week old baby and toddler who arguably need him more, as there is plenty of support for his mum in Spain. He’s asked if my parents can come over and help, which is an inconvenience to them as they’ll have to spend the night and potentially cancel plans (and they’re both in their late 70s). My mum thinks my husband is being selfish as his priority should be us - he doesn’t seem to realise the knock on effect leaving me with two young kids would have and the extra work it creates for me, and extra pressure it puts on my parents. He said he’d stay if I ask him to but I know he’d think I was being insensitive to his mum’s plight. Is he being selfish or I am being unreasonable? Not sure how to play this one.

I think its alot of money just to go for 24hrs hardly seems worth it, he could just ring on a video call

rubyslippers · 09/05/2025 12:43

godmum56 · 09/05/2025 12:37

OP, I think you got a roasting for this
" he doesn’t seem to realise the knock on effect leaving me with two young kids would have and the extra work it creates for me, and extra pressure it puts on my parents."

I agree
it’s all a bit me, me, me
shit happens and often at inconvenient times
i think lots of adults just need to get on with it at times!

MissDoubleU · 09/05/2025 12:45

godmum56 · 09/05/2025 12:37

OP, I think you got a roasting for this
" he doesn’t seem to realise the knock on effect leaving me with two young kids would have and the extra work it creates for me, and extra pressure it puts on my parents."

Agreed. Hands up everyone who’s been left alone with 2 (or more!) kids for a weekend. 🙆🏻‍♀️ Double points if it’s for a reason much less serious, like a stag do or hobby trip.

OP, I think it’s shameful your immediate response here was to assume your parents had to jump in and help you. Can you not handle your own children alone for 24 hours without outside help? Yes it’s hard but we chose to be mothers so we get through the day fine when needs be.

What would you do if it was your DH who had an injury and was in hospital?

MummyJ36 · 09/05/2025 12:45

I do think it is selfish. A six week old baby and a toddler and he’s wanting to rush off to Spain to see his mum who has plenty of family support and isn’t at risk of dying?? There’s nobody who is closer to her mum than me but I even I would hesitate to do this under these specific circumstances. Surely her DH could go out a little later and actually be of more help once things have calmed down.

Digdongdoo · 09/05/2025 12:46

I think you should encourage him to go. His mum may not need him, but it's a serious injury at her age. I'm sure your DH would feel much better having seen her. Spain is not far to travel, nor is it hideously expensive - worth it for the peace of mind.
I think it was quite unfair of you to ask him not to go in the first place. Even more so to think he should think of your parents (who needn't be involved at all really) over his injured mother.

Original poster
DreamWaves · 09/05/2025 12:46

Wow shocked by some of the responses here. As I said I’ve told him he must go so it’s up to him now.

Checking out now as I’ve got what I needed from this thread.

OP posts:
MissDoubleU · 09/05/2025 12:49

DreamWaves · 09/05/2025 12:46

Wow shocked by some of the responses here. As I said I’ve told him he must go so it’s up to him now.

Checking out now as I’ve got what I needed from this thread.

I hope it was some home truths that you can take to heart. No one owes you assistance with your own children, besides your DH. I would hope if you had family or an emergency and wanted to rush off for 24 hours to be in support he wouldn’t question that it’s his duty to sit with his children for that time.

YourGreyCat · 09/05/2025 12:49

Absolutely YANBU. MIL has loads of support, she's not dying. You're the one that needs support. In the early months it really is a 2 person job and I wouldn't have wanted my husband away for 24 hours. Maybe if the baby was older, but 6 weeks is very early.

Someone2025 · 09/05/2025 12:50

DreamWaves · 09/05/2025 12:33

Thanks for all your responses.

In case any one is interested, I hadn’t spoken to my husband yet about any of this as wanted advice first. I asked my mum for advice which she gave to me and only me. We are both very fond of my MIL who we are of course extremely sympathetic towards and I’m aware I have a very compassionate husband.

I have told him he must go, but after he spoke to his mum she said he should stay as she has lots of support there. My mum would absolutely say the same in the same position (for those of you raised this). I have left the decision to him.

I appreciate the advice on both sides of the argument so thank you (although I think some points could have been more kindly written! I came here for advice not a roasting).

I think you are old enough not to have to ask for your mothers opinion on issues related to your relationship

L0bstersLass · 09/05/2025 12:51

@DreamWaves I think he should go. I think you should support him in this.
I think your parents should support you in this endeavour.
I'm sure if your mum had such a nasty accident she would welcome seeing you.

JohnMajorsChicken · 09/05/2025 12:51

I'd encourage him to go, why can't he?

I see the updates now (not sure why they didn't load earlier) - his mam sounds like a lovely, sensible woman. If he wants to go let him off.

YourLoyalPlumOP · 09/05/2025 12:53

DreamWaves · 09/05/2025 09:17

My husband’s mum had a bike accident and broke her wrist and pubic bone and can’t currently walk. She lives in Spain with her husband and daughter (we live in London). My brother in law is flying out to help. My husband also wants to fly out for 24 hours, more for ‘emotional support’ than anything and to ‘rally round’ their mum as a family. He wants to go as much for himself as for her.

However he’ll be leaving me alone with our 6 week old baby and toddler who arguably need him more, as there is plenty of support for his mum in Spain. He’s asked if my parents can come over and help, which is an inconvenience to them as they’ll have to spend the night and potentially cancel plans (and they’re both in their late 70s). My mum thinks my husband is being selfish as his priority should be us - he doesn’t seem to realise the knock on effect leaving me with two young kids would have and the extra work it creates for me, and extra pressure it puts on my parents. He said he’d stay if I ask him to but I know he’d think I was being insensitive to his mum’s plight. Is he being selfish or I am being unreasonable? Not sure how to play this one.

Absolutely let him go. It’s not long.

even if it was a couple of days his mum has broken bones!

I mean if you broke your bones like she did right now are you saying you’d be fine with zero help at all?

Bigcat25 · 09/05/2025 12:54

Be should actually go a bit later on to give her main carers a break.

CantStopMoving · 09/05/2025 12:54

CleaningAngel · 09/05/2025 12:42

I think its alot of money just to go for 24hrs hardly seems worth it, he could just ring on a video call

Show quote history

Nothing replaces physically being with the person and giving a hug

ginasevern · 09/05/2025 12:56

Fucking hell. 24 hours without help from her husband. Good job there isn't a war on.

Thecomfortador · 09/05/2025 12:56

Yeah I don't think your parents need to drop their plans. Just get a load of easy food in, line up the park / soft play, CBeebies whatever and get on with it. I get it's nerve wracking - when I had my first newborn I used to just be desperate for DP to get home from work, so I can imagine how you might feel. That said by the second baby I had chilled out a lot.

You got this.

Richiewoo · 09/05/2025 12:57

I think you're being selfish. You can't cope for 24 hours. How do you think single parents cope.

CovidMemories · 09/05/2025 12:58

YourLoyalPlumOP · 09/05/2025 12:53

Absolutely let him go. It’s not long.

even if it was a couple of days his mum has broken bones!

I mean if you broke your bones like she did right now are you saying you’d be fine with zero help at all?

Show quote history

She hasn't got zero help. She's got three close family members with her!

This thread is baffling.

Sure, the OP should be able to cope without her DH for 24 hours. Or even longer, if there was an actual emergency he had to attend to.

What's baffling is why someone in hospital, who doesn't have a life threatening illness, needs four people to support her.

SpotlessLeopard · 09/05/2025 12:59

It's 24 hours, you should be able to cope on your own for 24 hours, what if he'd been the one who'd had a similar accident, you'd have to cope without him and nurse him too.
I think you're being selfish and your own mum is egging you on.
He should be allowed to go and see his poor mum in these circumstances.

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