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Original poster

Husband mum broke her wrist and pubic bone and he wants to fly to Spain for 24 hours, leaving me, our 6 week old and our toddler behind

759 replies

DreamWaves · 09/05/2025 09:17

My husband’s mum had a bike accident and broke her wrist and pubic bone and can’t currently walk. She lives in Spain with her husband and daughter (we live in London). My brother in law is flying out to help. My husband also wants to fly out for 24 hours, more for ‘emotional support’ than anything and to ‘rally round’ their mum as a family. He wants to go as much for himself as for her.

However he’ll be leaving me alone with our 6 week old baby and toddler who arguably need him more, as there is plenty of support for his mum in Spain. He’s asked if my parents can come over and help, which is an inconvenience to them as they’ll have to spend the night and potentially cancel plans (and they’re both in their late 70s). My mum thinks my husband is being selfish as his priority should be us - he doesn’t seem to realise the knock on effect leaving me with two young kids would have and the extra work it creates for me, and extra pressure it puts on my parents. He said he’d stay if I ask him to but I know he’d think I was being insensitive to his mum’s plight. Is he being selfish or I am being unreasonable? Not sure how to play this one.

OP posts:
lunar1 · 09/05/2025 12:15

I’d be bloody ashamed of my husband if he didn’t go to his parents aid in circumstances like this. when his mum passed away, he went to India for a month to fulfil his duties as her son.

SausageMonkey2 · 09/05/2025 12:15

Interesting that you have a brother in law and your husband’s mum.

Coarsepepper · 09/05/2025 12:15

Surely you can cope with your own two children without your DH for 24 hours! Single parents do this all the time. I think your mum doesn't want to cancel her plans and therefore is poisoning your mind about your DH being selfish, so that she doesn't have to come out. Of course your DH should go and see his mum

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skippy67 · 09/05/2025 12:16

Jeez...

Squirrelsnut · 09/05/2025 12:16

How do you think single parents cope? YABU

Emeraldanddiamond · 09/05/2025 12:16

OhHellolittleone · 09/05/2025 09:32

She’ll be fine! He can FaceTime and send flowers! You are 6 weeks post partum.He should stay with you.

I think anyone saying otherwise has not had a baby recently. And the ‘I did it all on my own’ brigade’ can pipe down. You need your husbands support more to an his mother. You need the emotional support too.

No, he should go. It’s 24hrs not 24 days.

Snorlaxo · 09/05/2025 12:17

I think that your parents are being unfair.

If you can’t cope for 24hours can you go to your parents or ask your h to take the toddler with him? I think he’s reasonable to want to see his mum and it’s only 24 hours (unless there’s a drip feed like you have an injury like a broken limb right now ) Personally I would encourage a few days - living overseas is bad enough without a guilt trip

andtheworldrollson · 09/05/2025 12:17

It’s slightly nuts given she isn’t on her own , you are still in physical recovery

cab he take the toddler

mickandrorty · 09/05/2025 12:17

There must be a massive drip feed as to why you would even need your parents to come and help for such a short period of time. Yourself and you parents all sound very selfish only concerned with how it affect your lives, not poor mil and her son would would like to go and see her. Realistically he will be gone for a couple of days, it wont be hard most of us has a baby and toddler all day on our own while husband is at work, the one night might be a bit of a pain but it's a small price to pay.

Toddlerteaplease · 09/05/2025 12:18

Of course he wants to see his mum. Wouldn’t you if the situation was reversed. Let him go. You’ll manage fine.

wishIwasonholiday10 · 09/05/2025 12:20

I’m going to go against the grain here and say it’s a waste of money and carbon emissions to travel there for 24 hours when his Mum has plenty of practical support. Would be different for a more serious injury or if she needed the practical support. Perhaps he feels guilty about living further away from home but this trip feels like a token gesture.

MrsSunshine2b · 09/05/2025 12:20

I think most mums should be able to manage to parent two children for 24 hours, so there shouldn't be a need to "inconvenience" your parents.

It's not selfish of him to want to provide support to his Mum who has had a pretty nasty injury.

Bubblybits · 09/05/2025 12:22

You’ll be fine for a short trip. My husband had a work commitment when my youngest was 4 weeks old and the ‘big’ one was 2, and he was gone a week. It was hard and I had to lower my expectations, but do-able. I kept the toddler off nursery because it was harder to do the back-and-forward for drop off and pick up than it was to just have him home.

pleasedimfree · 09/05/2025 12:23

It`s not all about you op.
You can cope on your own with your own kids your a grown up fgs.
A lot of single mums and dads have done and still do it alone from birth.
If it was your mum i bet you would be gone already.
Or is it the fact its spain.
To rally around for their mum op she has a broken pubic bone and wrist do you know how painful that is.

DisforDarkChocolate · 09/05/2025 12:23

I'm with you, he's just easing his conscious not doing anything practical. What's the point of that?

Snorlaxo · 09/05/2025 12:24

If your mum injured herself, would you be able to stay at home so your h didn’t have to look after 2 kids? It’s not his fault that his mum lives overseas and it will be easiest for everyone if you and the kids didn’t have to travel too

WillTheSHTFsoon · 09/05/2025 12:25

You can't look after your children by yourself for 24 hours? Do you have a disability or illness which prevents you from being a parent? If not you're being ridiculous.

Arlanymor · 09/05/2025 12:25

He wants to see with his own eyes how she is - I think if you care about him you should be able to understand that. He's making a flying visit, couldn't make it any shorter if he tried, which means you either cope for 24 hours (many people do) or you need support, in which case maybe your parents can step into the breech for less than a day. There seems an extraordinary lack of empathy from you and your family - why won't you support him in this? Accidents by their very nature are inconvenient, which is why good families rally around one another...

Someone2025 · 09/05/2025 12:27

SausageMonkey2 · 09/05/2025 12:15

Interesting that you have a brother in law and your husband’s mum.

Why
Her husbands brother is her BIL and the injured woman in question is their mum

BabyMrSun325 · 09/05/2025 12:27

YANBU. 6 weeks was the absolute worst time for us. My baby SCREAMED for hours and hours between 7pm and midnight. And then would sleep midnight-3am, be awake for an hour, go back to sleep, wake at 5am, etc etc. In the day only slept on me. It was horrible.

His mum has plenty of support. She is a mum herself, she should understand his priority is his infant and toddler.

TiggyTomCat · 09/05/2025 12:30

My husband went on business trips because he had to when our twins were 6 old...I coped because I had to - you just get on with it and don't make a big deal out of it. 24 hours will go v quickly. You are stronger than you think!

Aur0raAustralis · 09/05/2025 12:32

Your Mum is the selfish one. Your MIL has had a serious accident and your Mum is whinging because it will put "extra pressure" on her? To help out her daughter for 24 hours? She sounds very precious.

Original poster
DreamWaves · 09/05/2025 12:33

Thanks for all your responses.

In case any one is interested, I hadn’t spoken to my husband yet about any of this as wanted advice first. I asked my mum for advice which she gave to me and only me. We are both very fond of my MIL who we are of course extremely sympathetic towards and I’m aware I have a very compassionate husband.

I have told him he must go, but after he spoke to his mum she said he should stay as she has lots of support there. My mum would absolutely say the same in the same position (for those of you raised this). I have left the decision to him.

I appreciate the advice on both sides of the argument so thank you (although I think some points could have been more kindly written! I came here for advice not a roasting).

OP posts:
Isabella987 · 09/05/2025 12:35

i get it its hard but his mum is equally of a priority as you are so you should respect this really if you love and care for him . Its one day literally..

AthWat · 09/05/2025 12:36

DreamWaves · 09/05/2025 12:33

Thanks for all your responses.

In case any one is interested, I hadn’t spoken to my husband yet about any of this as wanted advice first. I asked my mum for advice which she gave to me and only me. We are both very fond of my MIL who we are of course extremely sympathetic towards and I’m aware I have a very compassionate husband.

I have told him he must go, but after he spoke to his mum she said he should stay as she has lots of support there. My mum would absolutely say the same in the same position (for those of you raised this). I have left the decision to him.

I appreciate the advice on both sides of the argument so thank you (although I think some points could have been more kindly written! I came here for advice not a roasting).

His mother sounds like a sensible woman.