Husband mum broke her wrist and pubic bone and he wants to fly to Spain for 24 hours, leaving me, our 6 week old and our toddler behind

[DreamWaves]

My husband’s mum had a bike accident and broke her wrist and pubic bone and can’t currently walk. She lives in Spain with her husband and daughter (we live in London). My brother in law is flying out to help. My husband also wants to fly out for 24 hours, more for ‘emotional support’ than anything and to ‘rally round’ their mum as a family. He wants to go as much for himself as for her.

However he’ll be leaving me alone with our 6 week old baby and toddler who arguably need him more, as there is plenty of support for his mum in Spain. He’s asked if my parents can come over and help, which is an inconvenience to them as they’ll have to spend the night and potentially cancel plans (and they’re both in their late 70s). My mum thinks my husband is being selfish as his priority should be us - he doesn’t seem to realise the knock on effect leaving me with two young kids would have and the extra work it creates for me, and extra pressure it puts on my parents. He said he’d stay if I ask him to but I know he’d think I was being insensitive to his mum’s plight. Is he being selfish or I am being unreasonable? Not sure how to play this one.

He’s a good supportive son.

You aren’t being a supportive wife (or DIL).

YABU. just YABU.

It’s 24 hours, what’s the worst that can happen? You’ll be knackered and stressed. Same as every Mum of a newborn and toddler.

I can’t believe you are calling him selfish. Surely he’s being a nice son?

I think considering he has left this family overseas while living with you in your home country with your parents in the same country....I think your parents are being cheeky saying his priority is you / family and they can't be inconvenienced for a day.
be more supportive because if you can't let him do one day then one day your kids might be flying to spain for the school holidays

Of course you can cope! Single parents cope 24/7. What would you do if you separated from your husband? You would have to get on with it. Let him see his mum!

You will be fine OP - tired yes, but you'll cope, it's only 24 hours! He should make sure you have plenty of food in the house before he leaves, including ready meals you can just pop in the microwave and eat one-handed. Try not to worry, it's such a short period of time.

YABVU!!! How do you think single mothers cope or women whose husbands work away? Just get on with it!

Gosh, how unreasonable you are being! It's only 24 hours, but even 3 days wouldn't be a disaster! Hope she recovers soon.

Do you have sons?

Of course he should go!

It’s her mother putting ideas into her head about him being selfish

Your parents are the ones that sound selfish

You’re right it does sound dramatic - A mother not being able to cope for 24 hours without her DH.

Get a grip. It is just 24 hours!

I think anyone, man or woman, should be able to cope with their kids for 24 hours alone. Not being able to do this as an able bodied adult is a major failing in resilience. Just focus on the kids and he can help you catch up on housework etc when he's back.

Blimey OP, put yourself in your MIL's shoes... she can't literally walk in those shoes as she's probably in a lot of pain. Poor woman. Think of how much you might want to help your mum if it happened to her, and your DH said no to going for just 24 hours 😳

Put your big girl pants on. Plenty of us deal with worse. It's not that bad, get on with it and be a bit more sympathetic.

Genuinely shocked by the responses here.
Your baby is 6 weeks old! And you have a toddler.
Has his mum asked him to go? She has 2 other adult children and her husband there for support. Unless she has requested he go then I don't think it's unreasonable at all for him to not go.
Maybe in a few more weeks.
These responses feel competitive like well if single mums have to do it then you should. It's not a race to the bottom. If you need support you need support. His mum has lots of support and is ok. Go visit her soon of course but 6 weeks! Good grief

God forbid a man be concerned about his mother.

Unless she has requested he go then I don't think it's unreasonable at all for him to not go

Maybe he wants to go?

Isn’t it just.
If my DD told me her MIL had this accident I would be telling her of course she must let her DH go and see his mother. I would also offer to go and help my DD if she felt she couldn’t cope (🙄) not tell her it was “an inconvenience” to me.

Misjudged your audience here OP; you should have said it was his father. You'd have 99% telling you to leave the selfish bastard then.

These responses feel competitive like well if single mums have to do it then you should. It's not a race to the bottom.

What do you mean a race to the bottom?

Are you serious? If it was me, I’d be encouraging him to go for longer. Don’t make him feel guilty for checking up on his Mum.

You’ll cope op. Single mums do it every day.

Nonsense.

Is there something you're not telling us? Is there a particular reason you find it difficult to be alone with your children? I know it's hard work but it's unusual to need around the clock assistance.

By 6 weeks surely the partner is already back at work and the mother has to cope by herself anyway? Yes, you will be tired, the housework won't get done, but for those who had partners that had to work away we just had to get on with it. It's really daunting and scary at first, but you'll soon realise that you can manage. I started to really like the time when I was just on my own as we treated those times as a bit more relaxed, in that you just had to do what whatever to get through them (such as more easy dinners, a bit more tv while you dealt with one of them). It's really important for your husband that he's still supporting his mum, no matter if it's just moral support. Put yourself in his shoes if you have sons and you have an accident when you're older.