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Original poster

Husband mum broke her wrist and pubic bone and he wants to fly to Spain for 24 hours, leaving me, our 6 week old and our toddler behind

759 replies

DreamWaves · 09/05/2025 09:17

My husband’s mum had a bike accident and broke her wrist and pubic bone and can’t currently walk. She lives in Spain with her husband and daughter (we live in London). My brother in law is flying out to help. My husband also wants to fly out for 24 hours, more for ‘emotional support’ than anything and to ‘rally round’ their mum as a family. He wants to go as much for himself as for her.

However he’ll be leaving me alone with our 6 week old baby and toddler who arguably need him more, as there is plenty of support for his mum in Spain. He’s asked if my parents can come over and help, which is an inconvenience to them as they’ll have to spend the night and potentially cancel plans (and they’re both in their late 70s). My mum thinks my husband is being selfish as his priority should be us - he doesn’t seem to realise the knock on effect leaving me with two young kids would have and the extra work it creates for me, and extra pressure it puts on my parents. He said he’d stay if I ask him to but I know he’d think I was being insensitive to his mum’s plight. Is he being selfish or I am being unreasonable? Not sure how to play this one.

OP posts:
TimeForABreak4 · 09/05/2025 11:37

YABU, you aren't his only family and he's absolutely reasonable to go see his mum after a bad accident for 24 hours. You're being hugely selfish.

TheCountofMountingCrispBags · 09/05/2025 11:37

All the single mothers will be shaking their head in astonishment.

Switcher · 09/05/2025 11:37

You can't be for real. Of course he wants to see his mum, that's a really major accident!!

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RareMaker · 09/05/2025 11:37

Yabu

Switcher · 09/05/2025 11:38

TesterPotQueen · 09/05/2025 11:20

My husband went away for a week to the US for work when my baby was 10 days old and my oldest was 3.5. This was 30 years ago. I genuinely don't know what is wrong with young women today. You will be fine, you will manage.

It's quite worrying really.

Ohthatsabitshit · 09/05/2025 11:38

If he needs to go for more than 5 days, then ask your parents to come for a day in the middle. As it’s 24 hours, what on earth do you need his help with that is so insurmountable?

thesugarbumfairy · 09/05/2025 11:38

You don't need to play anything OP. You need to say off you go - see your mum. Its 24 hours!

MissBattleaxe · 09/05/2025 11:39

"He’s asked if my parents can come over and help, which is an inconvenience to them as they’ll have to spend the night and potentially cancel plans (and they’re both in their late 70s). My mum thinks my husband is being selfish as his priority should be us - he doesn’t seem to realise the knock on effect leaving me with two young kids would have and the extra work it creates for me, and extra pressure it puts on my parents."

Good grief! what a drama! I doubt your retired parents will have their lives ruined by one night away. Your husband is already compromising by not staying any longer than 24 hours. He's being a good son and will be back to help before you know it. Stop overthinking and write a get well card for your MIL.

andjustwhatfreshhellisthis · 09/05/2025 11:39

You'll cope just fine; it's 24 hours, maybe a little longer with flights/delays etc! No he is NBU at all.

ShieldMaiden8 · 09/05/2025 11:40

YABU it’s one day and it’s his mum. If he said a week I’d agree it’s not fair. But 24 hrs with a newborn and toddler isn’t impossible.
I do think it’s extremely unfair your mum is saying he should prioritise you over his mother and he’s being selfish. I can only assume you’ve exaggerated slightly to her, if she felt so strongly that you shouldn’t be home alone then her plans should change to stay with you.

If she had an accident you’d want to see her.

MagneticSquirrel · 09/05/2025 11:40

YABU. Of course he should see his mum after a serious accident. I can’t believe how unsympathetic you are. Do you dislike this family?

Why do you parents have to come round and help? It’s only 24hrs.

How would you manage if he was away with work or his friends for the weekend?

LottieMary · 09/05/2025 11:41

That’s great he is helping out and thought about not leaving you for long

can’t you offer to go for longer as a family as I’m assuming you’re on leave and toddler won’t be in school? Air bnb nearby.

Pumpkinpie1 · 09/05/2025 11:43

I think your mum is shit stirring OP.
This is a family emergency. You can cope . If the boot was on the other foot surely you’d expect him to look after the kids if you needed to help your parents in an emergency?

Crankyaboutfood · 09/05/2025 11:44

agree—his mom was seriously injured. He should go for a few days. it’s not a competition.

SoSoLong · 09/05/2025 11:45

If that happened to one of my parents I'd be on the first plane. It's only a day or two, surely you manage every day when he's at work, it's just an extra night you've got to be on your own?

AlohaRose · 09/05/2025 11:45

It's one day! You just need to keep everyone alive - eat takeaway if necessary, no laundry or cleaning, play with all the toys, toddler won't suffer from watching too much TV, have a friend come over for coffee (and bring it with her!) if you feel you can't get out for a walk - I'm not really understanding what the issue is here?

reelcat · 09/05/2025 11:45

YABVVU of course he should go! He might be better to go for a few days though!

FishfingerFlinger · 09/05/2025 11:47

If you've been in the very fortunate position to not have had to manage the baby and toddler on your own at all so far, then I can understand it might seem a bit overwhelming.

I remember my own toddler being difficult with nap times and bedtimes and trying to get the toddler to sleep while simultaneously managing a baby through the 'witching hour' is not exactly my favourite memory of early parenthood.

But realistically all parents have to tackle that. It's part of the reality of parenthood. No-one has two parents on hand 24/7. Sometimes you've got to go it alone. You learn how to cope.

At some point you've got to manage it by yourself. And to be honest this sounds like a situation where there's a good reason to step up and do it.

It's 24 hours - one day, one night. You'll get through it.

Netmumnet · 09/05/2025 11:47

What extra pressure is this on your parents exactly? You and them are being unreasonable

WhyamIinahandcartandwherearewegoing · 09/05/2025 11:48

You can’t manage for 24hrs. FFS.

beasmithwentworth · 09/05/2025 11:49

Agree with the majority on here. The only thing I would suggest is him going when his brother isn’t there.. maybe when he gets back so their DM has support after the brother is gone, and for 2/ 3 nights so she has support for a decent amount of time.

It’s 24 hours! I thought you were going to say he wants to go for a week or something!!

I would be saying the same thing here regardless of what my situation was but my now ex DH left me and my then 2 year old DD whilst I was pregnant with my second so was in the situation that you are faced with for 24 hours permanently by time by 2nd came along. I just can’t see why on earth your parents would need to be involved and why it’s even an issue. Of course he wants to see his mum!

Would he think you were being ‘selfish’ if the roles were reversed and you wanted to see your DM after similar?

elliesmummy19 · 09/05/2025 11:49

It’s 24 hours, one day, OP. Of course it’s ok for him to go and check in his mum and leave you at home with the baby and toddler. You’ll be fine .

WhyamIinahandcartandwherearewegoing · 09/05/2025 11:49

100%

rainingsnoring · 09/05/2025 11:50

andweallloveclover · 09/05/2025 11:31

I think what she was implying is that years ago women just got on with things.

Many didn't have the choice but to cope and for much longer periods of time. I remember my Nan talking about having 3 children under 4, one being a baby and also had her Mother In Law to take care of who had moved in with them as she was too ill to take care of herself. My Grandad worked very long hours and often didn't even see his kids as they were all in bed by the time he got home. That was how life was back then and women just got on with it.

Things have massively moved on from those days and life is no longer like that. I could be wrong but I think that is the point she is trying to make.

Show quote history

I know what she was trying to imply but it's an ageist generalisation. Some women coped better 10/20/30/40/50 years ago and some didn't. I was one of those women who just had to cope, btw, with no family support, several children and a DH working long hours and sometimes working away but to imply that all young women are wimps is totally unfair.

Just to repeat, I have already said that the OP should be able to cope for 24 hours without dragging her elderly parents down to help.

whynotmereally · 09/05/2025 11:51

Honestly unless you had a particularly difficult birth and have not recovered or your toddler has complex needs surely you can manage 24hours alone? I’d get on with it, it’s completely understandable he wants to see his mum and 24 hours is a really short space of time. If your parents have plans just manage yourself.