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Original poster

Husband mum broke her wrist and pubic bone and he wants to fly to Spain for 24 hours, leaving me, our 6 week old and our toddler behind

759 replies

DreamWaves · 09/05/2025 09:17

My husband’s mum had a bike accident and broke her wrist and pubic bone and can’t currently walk. She lives in Spain with her husband and daughter (we live in London). My brother in law is flying out to help. My husband also wants to fly out for 24 hours, more for ‘emotional support’ than anything and to ‘rally round’ their mum as a family. He wants to go as much for himself as for her.

However he’ll be leaving me alone with our 6 week old baby and toddler who arguably need him more, as there is plenty of support for his mum in Spain. He’s asked if my parents can come over and help, which is an inconvenience to them as they’ll have to spend the night and potentially cancel plans (and they’re both in their late 70s). My mum thinks my husband is being selfish as his priority should be us - he doesn’t seem to realise the knock on effect leaving me with two young kids would have and the extra work it creates for me, and extra pressure it puts on my parents. He said he’d stay if I ask him to but I know he’d think I was being insensitive to his mum’s plight. Is he being selfish or I am being unreasonable? Not sure how to play this one.

OP posts:
Rachie1973 · 09/05/2025 10:46

DreamWaves · 09/05/2025 09:17

My husband’s mum had a bike accident and broke her wrist and pubic bone and can’t currently walk. She lives in Spain with her husband and daughter (we live in London). My brother in law is flying out to help. My husband also wants to fly out for 24 hours, more for ‘emotional support’ than anything and to ‘rally round’ their mum as a family. He wants to go as much for himself as for her.

However he’ll be leaving me alone with our 6 week old baby and toddler who arguably need him more, as there is plenty of support for his mum in Spain. He’s asked if my parents can come over and help, which is an inconvenience to them as they’ll have to spend the night and potentially cancel plans (and they’re both in their late 70s). My mum thinks my husband is being selfish as his priority should be us - he doesn’t seem to realise the knock on effect leaving me with two young kids would have and the extra work it creates for me, and extra pressure it puts on my parents. He said he’d stay if I ask him to but I know he’d think I was being insensitive to his mum’s plight. Is he being selfish or I am being unreasonable? Not sure how to play this one.

I think you’re being selfish. 24 hours is a quick turn around and I’d actively encourage an extra day!

You don’t want to inconvenience your family but you’re happy to ignore his. Seems a bit unfair!

Sunshineandgrapefruit · 09/05/2025 10:46

I think he should go for a week. It's not unreasonable given the circumstances. Is there something else going on op? Managing two kids alone shouldn't be something you can't do without support for a short period unless there are other issues.

andweallloveclover · 09/05/2025 10:46

MummyJ36 · 09/05/2025 10:01

I going to go with him being selfish. His mum has plenty of support and is hardly dying!!

Being selfish to want to go and see his own Mum and give her a hug and be there for her after she has had a horrible accident? Really? Anyone would want to do the same. Its 24 hours FFS. She is selfish not supporting him to go and visit his own Mother.

Wow, men can't win can they? If this was reversed and this was the OP wanting to go out to see her Mum and the DH wouldn't stay home to look after the children so she could do that he would be flayed alive on here. Can you imagine?

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Hdjdb42 · 09/05/2025 10:47

He really needs to go see his mum. It's just for 24 hours, he'll be back quickly. Send some flowers too, to let her know you're also thinking of her.

FredaFox · 09/05/2025 10:47

I don’t think this is going the way you planned, it’s 24 hours, he clearly has elderly parents and wants to see her
you will manage for 24 hours on your own, women manage all the time for much longer

Member984815 · 09/05/2025 10:48

I agree, that sounds like an awful painful injury , I think you'll manage for a short amount of time. My dh had frequent work trips away when our kids were small, you'll find it's not as hard as you think .

Porttalbot · 09/05/2025 10:48

Potatopeeler25 · 09/05/2025 09:44

You should support him going and share concern over his poor mum. You should spend the alone time reflecting on why your mum voiced aloud her (unreasonable in my view) opinion about your husband being selfish. Comments like this, especially if a common occurrence, are overstepping boundaries and can cause fractures in relationships. Think of it another way - what if your mum had reacted with concern about your MIL, and asked in support whether your husband would be going to see her. I imagine you would be feeling a lot differently about him going. We can be influenced so much by other people’s opinions, please be careful this isn’t happening to you.

My mum thinks my husband is being selfish as his priority should be us - he doesn’t seem to realise the knock on effect leaving me with two young kids would have and the extra work it creates for me, and extra pressure it puts on my parents.

The apple doesnt fall far from the tree.

Sunnygin · 09/05/2025 10:48

Oh my.... your husband is also HER son ...he is probably very worried and upset....please stop.....many woman have children...new babies etc ...with Partners in the services....and they cope ....ps your parents are also being very unreasonable x

1SillySossij · 09/05/2025 10:49

AllThatGlistensIsntCold · 09/05/2025 10:43

I didn't say it was weird, did I?

I said that as an older mum myself, with a baby grandchild, I'd not expect my son to fly to see me if I already had a daughter, a son and a husband around me.

I'd tell him I was fine and his own family was his priority.

What he chooses to do is up to him.

Show quote history

Maybe his mum has told him that

NotjustCo2 · 09/05/2025 10:50

Your mum thinks he;s being selfish. I hope she never needs you. WTF!

He's not going for a week, which I think would be fairly reasonable too, it's a day. Get a grip

GlidingSquirrels · 09/05/2025 10:52

Let him go. If he was asking for a week I'd suggest a few days, but 24 hours is nothing. It's only really a few hours more than when he's at work. Ask him to help get the house tidy before he leaves. Assuming you're not still recovering from the birth you should be OK without your parents.

scotstars · 09/05/2025 10:53

YABU it's 24 hours and he has asked other family to help. My friend has similar age kids her partner went back to work 2 weeks ago and had to go away for 3 nights she coped with no local family help

Sunshinestate07 · 09/05/2025 10:53

I think he is being unreasonable!

I think he should go for longer than 24 hours 🤭

you are being selfish. It’s one day - get over yourself.

Porttalbot · 09/05/2025 10:53

AllThatGlistensIsntCold · 09/05/2025 10:45

@Porttalbot KIndly, what is the point of the copy and pasted medical info? We don't know exactly what is wrong other than fracture to the pubic bone. The severity can vary hugely.

Because it basically is a severe injury in an elderly woman with increased risk of mortality, complications and potentially life changing or life ending.

Assumed the OP hadnt grasped the significance of the public bone break for an elderly woman.......and a heads up that this will also likely be many months of rehabilitation which she should prepare herself for.

FairGreyBird · 09/05/2025 10:54

YABVU

Ratisshortforratthew · 09/05/2025 10:54

andweallloveclover · 09/05/2025 10:46

Being selfish to want to go and see his own Mum and give her a hug and be there for her after she has had a horrible accident? Really? Anyone would want to do the same. Its 24 hours FFS. She is selfish not supporting him to go and visit his own Mother.

Wow, men can't win can they? If this was reversed and this was the OP wanting to go out to see her Mum and the DH wouldn't stay home to look after the children so she could do that he would be flayed alive on here. Can you imagine?

Edited
Show quote history

if she had nobody else, fair enough. But she has her husband and daughter and another son flying out! It’s completely unnecessary for OP’s husband to go as well when he has two kids at home that he needs to share parenting duties for.

TungTungTungZahur2 · 09/05/2025 10:54

That is his mum! Bloody hell. Support your husband. I would be helping him pack rather than complaining. I am sure you would want your son to do the same.

Mylovelywindow · 09/05/2025 10:55

Selfish for leaving you for 24 hours! Your mum should prioritise helping you if you can't cope rather than call him names for wanting to see his mum for a day. My mum would have said, go for two days, so he is not stressed travelling to Spain and back in 24 hours. Shocking!

vdbfamily · 09/05/2025 10:55

Unless there is something you are not telling us, YABVU. How do you normally cope with 2 little ones? Plenty parents cope alone for periods of time whilst partners travel with work etc. A day or two will be fine.

aspidernamedfluffy · 09/05/2025 10:56

I think a lot of the "he shouldn't go" stems from the fact it's the MiL and we all know that on MN, at least, the MiL is not held in a good light. If it was the OP's mother and the DH was moaning about looking after 2 small children on his own he'd get his arse handed to him.
Of course he should go, if only to put his mind at rest. It's 24 hours. I was left to look after my DD from 2 weeks pp until she was 5 months old whilst her dad was on deployment with the RN.

LasagneLasagne · 09/05/2025 10:56

You're being unfair. Let him go. He's not going for a month! It's understandable that he wants to see his mum.

I'm guessing that your mum would expect you to go if the tables were turned and it was her.

Weeeeegoagain · 09/05/2025 10:56

YABU. Imagine if you were injured like that and one of your kids partners wouldn't let them travel to see you

Gustavo1 · 09/05/2025 10:56

YAB massively U!
His mum has had an awful
accident and he wants to go and see her.

Unless you’re holding some info back, there is no reason you can’t look after your children alone for a short while. It might seem daunting but it’s totally doable. You don’t need your parents to come if it’s not convenient for them. You can manage for a couple of nights. Yes, you’ll be tired but you don’t need to do much. Just watch some tv, play in the garden and prepare easy meals. You might surprise yourself :)

Disturbia81 · 09/05/2025 10:56

CatsMagic · 09/05/2025 09:23

You are being very unreasonable OP.

You can cope on your own for a few days, and it will do you some good to see that you can.

This. Why do you need parents help? Unless you work

Rightsraptor · 09/05/2025 10:57

He's being emotional and needs to get real, you need him more than his mother does right now. If I were her I'd tell him to stay home.