Husband mum broke her wrist and pubic bone and he wants to fly to Spain for 24 hours, leaving me, our 6 week old and our toddler behind

[DreamWaves]

My husband’s mum had a bike accident and broke her wrist and pubic bone and can’t currently walk. She lives in Spain with her husband and daughter (we live in London). My brother in law is flying out to help. My husband also wants to fly out for 24 hours, more for ‘emotional support’ than anything and to ‘rally round’ their mum as a family. He wants to go as much for himself as for her.

However he’ll be leaving me alone with our 6 week old baby and toddler who arguably need him more, as there is plenty of support for his mum in Spain. He’s asked if my parents can come over and help, which is an inconvenience to them as they’ll have to spend the night and potentially cancel plans (and they’re both in their late 70s). My mum thinks my husband is being selfish as his priority should be us - he doesn’t seem to realise the knock on effect leaving me with two young kids would have and the extra work it creates for me, and extra pressure it puts on my parents. He said he’d stay if I ask him to but I know he’d think I was being insensitive to his mum’s plight. Is he being selfish or I am being unreasonable? Not sure how to play this one.

My DH is about to spend a lot of time, potentially weeks a couple of hundred miles away in Surrey looking after his Mother. It’s also going to probably scupper our travel plans. Okay I do not have a baby to deal with but unless you have health issues there is zero reason why he shouldn’t be going. Mine was buggering off overseas to various Asian countries with work at that point of motherhood for me.

Be glad that you have such a caring husband. Of course he should go and see his Mum.Evenif it just to reassure himself that she is ok . I personally would have suggested that he goes for 2 or 3 days . It’s lovely weather so you can get outside to a park with the children and enjoy the sunshine. Get takeaways for yourself and forget about housework.

He wants to go as much for himself as for her. He is worried and just wants to see her. Parents cope on a daily basis with two kids on their own. You can cope for 24 hours (should really be a bit longer). How would you feel if it was the other way around? You really shouldn’t need to bother your parents either surely - just get on with it, like you know, other people do?

Get over yourself....it's one day

Some might say it's ridiculous that somebody can't cope with their own children for a day. I wonder what the mumsnet brigade would be saying about a man who's sulking about having to look after his own kids for 24 hours.... In fact I don't wonder I've seen the hypocrisy many times.

Yes YABU , it's 24 hours you'll survive many others do. Imagine yourself in 30 years time having an accident and your children not being by your side. Or what you would do if it was your mother?

I think you will be alright for 24 hours. I can understand your husband wanting to see his mum to reassure himself and also be there for her. It might be chaotic and you will be tired but it is a finite short amount of time so it will soon be over. Just prepare as much as possible and only do essentials for 24 hours

Sorry but I can’t believe you are asking this! I cannot imagine not supporting my husband in such circumstances, it’s not as if he is going for an extended visit. I had to cope with my children on my own as my husband often worked abroad, sometimes for weeks at a time. I was once left with a three week old baby, a toddler aged 15 months and a 4 year old child for two weeks, just before Christmas when there were all sorts of pre Christmas activities going on for my eldest child. My sister was able to come and help out for the last few days which was fantastic but I had to cope for over a week on my own.

We did plan ahead, my husband made sure the freezer was full of home made meals that I could just heat up, all the Christmas presents were bought early, even before the baby was born and he did a massive grocery shop before he left. It was a tough two weeks, Sometimes I just had to ignore the baby if he cried while I was dealing with my toddler so to get to playgroup, I put baby in the pram, got toddler dressed and sat her on the pram seat then chased my eldest around the house to get his coat on and we set off to nursery for his morning session. Then I collapsed back home for a couple of hours!

I know I did almost no housework or cooking and managed to get the eldest two to go to sleep at the same time, including in the afternoon so I could focus on the baby!

It's a good sign if he has a good relationship with his mother. It would look worse if he ignored her

He probably wants to go to reassure himself that she's going to be ok.

How old is she?

It all seems a lot of drama.

My neighbour (70s) broke her pelvis and yes, she was immobile for some time. And yes, it's painful. But recovery takes some time and a 24 hour visit is not really going to help her other than to say 'Sorry Mum' and give her a hug.

Does she expect him to go?

I agree she needs assessing for osteoporosis- not sure how up on that they are in Spain but she needs to ask and be assessed for possible drug treatment.

From a practical point of view you will be fine for 24 hours. But from a practical point of view there is also no need for him to go out there.

From an emotional point of view he’s prioritising his/his birth family’s needs over those of you and your family together. So I can see why you are upset.

As PP say, him taking the toddler would be a good compromise. And for a few days, not 24 hours.

A very serious injury with high risk of complications, increased mortality and life-changing mobility:

"A broken pubic bone in an elderly woman, also known as a pubic rami fracture, can lead to significant complications and a prolonged recovery period. While the fracture itself may heal relatively well, the overall prognosis depends on various factors, including the presence of other injuries, the severity of the fracture, and the woman's overall health.

Factors Affecting Prognosis:
Associated Injuries:
Pubic rami fractures are often associated with other pelvic injuries, such as fractures of the posterior pelvic ring, which can make the overall injury more unstable and complex to manage.

Severity of the Fracture:
The severity of the fracture, determined by the degree of displacement or fragmentation of the bone, can influence the healing time and the likelihood of complications.

Age and Overall Health:
Older individuals and those with pre-existing health conditions may have a more challenging recovery, with increased risks of complications like infection and blood clots.

Treatment Approach:
Treatment options for pubic rami fractures can range from conservative management (rest and pain relief) to surgical intervention, depending on the severity and associated injuries.

Complications:
Potential complications include prolonged hospital stays, loss of independence, increased risk of mortality, and post-traumatic complications such as joint stiffness or nerve damage.

Long-Term Outlook:
Functional Impairment:
Elderly patients with pubic rami fractures may experience long-term physical impairment, affecting their mobility and ability to perform activities of daily living.

Mortality:
Studies have shown that pelvic fractures, including pubic rami fractures, are associated with increased mortality rates in the elderly population.

Quality of Life:
The injury can significantly impact the quality of life, affecting mental and social well-being.

Rehabilitation:
Physical therapy and rehabilitation programs can help improve mobility and functional abilities, but the extent of recovery may vary depending on the individual's circumstances.

In summary, while a broken pubic bone can heal, the prognosis for elderly women with this injury is often challenging due to the potential for associated injuries, complications, and long-term functional impairment. The overall outcome depends on the specific circumstances of the injury, the woman's health status, and the effectiveness of treatment and rehabilitation efforts..

Outlook after pelvis fracture in older adults with this injury are at increased risk of long-term physical impairment and mortality. People may find that their quality of life decreases after a pelvic fracture."

Let him take the toddler. I would be prepare yourself for further visits for the rest of the year. I hope she makes a steady recovery.

Do you really think its weird that a child would like to see their mum after an accident? The 24 hours only is probably because he's aware he has commitments back home and doesn't want to spend too long away rather than thinking it would heal her broken bone.

The last thing his family is going to need right now is an active toddler running about in a probably not toddler-proof house.

This👆

I think you’re being out of order.

Gosh a whole 24 hours?!?!

Why can’t you cope with your kids? Surely must be more to this

YABU Surely you can manage for a day or two?

I think you have your answer OP. Hope you take it on board.

I didn't say it was weird, did I?

I said that as an older mum myself, with a baby grandchild, I'd not expect my son to fly to see me if I already had a daughter, a son and a husband around me.

I'd tell him I was fine and his own family was his priority.

What he chooses to do is up to him.

I think your mum doesn’t want to have to help you, which is why she’s being unkind.

I agree with that. She’s not keen to help out.

@Porttalbot KIndly, what is the point of the copy and pasted medical info? We don't know exactly what is wrong other than fracture to the pubic bone. The severity can vary hugely.