Mum shamed for easter

[Scottyme]

My toddler doesn’t overly like chocolate or sweets and has got a little egg from their nan so not like they haven’t got an egg. So I as a treat took my little one to Smyths to buy a toy instead but my partners friend, a relatively new first time mum, said I was spoiling them and they would never buy anything other than a egg for her child.

My argument is my child doesn’t really like chocolate anyway and they needed some more age appropriate toys now and they would get much more out of a £15 scooter, than an egg. But she didn’t just say it and leave it she kept not picking how they couldn’t send their children to nursery couldn’t think of anything worse than palming their children off to strangers etc.

I just feel like crap now for trying to do the best for my child 😢

Sorry you have been made to feel bad. Its a perfectly good choice in my book. In some places its custom to give gifts /aka something new, I am sure there is religious reasoning behind it/ on Easter Monday. It certaily was in Germany when I was given a lovely mug from the family I worked for. I still have it and love it.

My son has a dairy allergy and he's autistic, he doesn't really like chocolate. But he still gets an egg and we've gotten him a toy. Who cares what other people do or think. I'm certainly not ashamed of what I got my son. He's happy out and so are we

Offshore work isn't something you just decide one day to force someone to do and they just go get a job to make lots of money lol. Its got strict regulations and high paid jobs go to experienced and qualified people. Its a specialist career.

You don't seem to have much awareness of what you are talking about.

I think it might help your mental health if you can start ignoring what idiots think 🌻

Ignore the "friend", you will run into plenty of people who will have an opinion of what you do with your children.

We never said no chocolate but didn't go overboard and DD always got a small gift, like a DVD or book.

She is nearly 18 and got plenty of chocolate today but definitely liked the perfume I also gave her.

I know it sounds daft, but when someone gets under my skin, it helps to imagine taking their advice, opening up a huge filing cabinet and scrupulously filing their opinion under “i for irrelevant” and closing the metal drawer.

I’m obviously showing my age here by not having a digital metaphor!!

People who can’t fathom that my situation and circumstances are different to theirs, or who labour under the delusion that their opinions are facts or truth, aren’t worth stressing about.

You do you. And let her do her.

My kids are dairy intolerant and when they were younger there wasn't much in the way of dairy free eggs so we used to just give money too. I did once attempt to make an egg using a bar of chocolate and a mould but that went hilariously wrong and looked shit. So back to money we went. We did egg hunts with plastic eggs and then they got money when they found them all.

A new first time mum you say?

Just tell her you'll get back to her on her parenting opinions in 5 years. Or when she has >1 child. At that point she'll have broken all her fancy parenting rules and just be about survival like everyone else.

It’s for you to decide it I’ve never understood people who buy gifts at Easter. The eggs have a significance although commercial now. When my two were too young for chocolate we went to a farm park instead for Easter

My grandchildren don't eat many sweets/chocolates so I always buy a gift at Easter. It's a perfectly reasonable and normal thing to do.

This woman is a rude know-it-all and should be ignored.

Yep this nails it. Maybe with a little smile and eye roll.

In my fifties.
My sister and I used to get lots of eggs from my mother's large family.
From my mom and dad we always asked for a boardgame.
I think I still have the connect 4 circa 1982 somewhere.

Ignore her. My children have only ever had one egg from us and one from nan if she was visiting (or sent some money if not). The eggs were often still in the cupboard come autumn and I’d find myself making some choc chip cookies or similar to get rid of it. I ended up also buying them a plushy or something instead. For a few years I bought them an empty decorative egg-shaped tin and popped a toy, craft activity, and a small bar of chocolate inside.

The eggs are a religious symbol (with pagan roots I believe) and if you have no strong Christian faith you are simply giving in to marketing. If your kids love a bit of chocolate, fine, but the idea you are somehow neglecting them or setting them up for nursery trauma is farcical. Stick by your guns.

I've never done the Easter bunny (didn't even realise it was a thing) and my kids have one Easter egg from us and a chocolate bunny.

Some years we've hidden little eggs in the garden but they know that's us. This year I forgot to buy any so I'm a mum fail but they are not at all bothered..

A scooter is one of the best toys we've ever bought. Fresh air and exercise versus an excess of chocolate. You should have put that back to her smugly.

My kids have a fiver each off two relatives because no one is messing around posting chocolate.

There's always a superior one. I can remember a woman in my antenatal class telling me I was terrible for taking my seven week old on a long train trip without my husband. The fact this was to visit my family and he was doing 12 hour shifts all week didn't matter to her, she would never do it (much easier to say when your family all live close by).

Mine was never keen on Easter eggs, in fact there were still unopened boxes of them ( given by GP's), in September. I always got her a book instead as she loved to read. She's in her 30's now and I still get her a book every year.

Some mums are seriously batshit. Who cares if you give chocolate or not at Easter…what an odd thing to mum shame someone about. If you wanted to be petty like her you could reply and say that you would never give your toddler chocolate 🤷‍♀️
OP having children made me realise how horrible women can be to each other. There will always be someone commenting on your parenting. I remember really struggling with this when I was a new mum and now I just find it funny and think “get a life” when I get comments like this. Ignore and limit the amount of time you spend with mums who make you feel bad .

My children are in their 40's and remember them being given Easter eggs and they were still on the side table in August. From then on I bought a small toy. Told family don't waste your money. Both sets of grandparents put cash in their moneybox.

You do what's best for your child, ignore her.

My children get a small kinder egg and a voucher for something they enjoy (they are a little older now) because the easter eggs would sit there for months.

Ignore whoever said this to you, you know your child better than anyone, Happy Easter

My 16yr old has never liked chocolate, (genuinely didn't like it, would say no thank you to it if offered at a party or school, rather sit there with no treat) so I would be the mammy looking through the Easter displays as soon as they went up in shops to try to find the rare Easter themed sweets or marshmallows.
And shock horror, her birthday was in September so over the years she d often get new outdoor toys in Spring as they wouldn't get much use if we waited till her birthday, hasnt made her a spoiled monster
You will meet lots of people that have comments to make about your parenting, and it's especially tough if you are fragile at the time anyway, but her opinion REALLY does not matter. Your child is out in the fresh air, getting exercise and is delighted with life and with you, that is what's important!

I never used to get a egg I did however get a rabbit once which is way more questionable then a toy 🤣

Some people buy eggs, some buy goats, I have a large family and kids get money instead.

We are all different:

What you need to do is smile and nod, Oh that’s nice for you, don’t give them an in and do t worry about what others do or don’t do

Uou know your child best and you don’t need to justify it to anyone, least of all yourself.

Don’t let it upset you, when I had my first baby the midwife gave me some excellent advice and it was, listen to everyone’s advice and pick out the bits you want to keep and anything else let go - this is your baby.
For quite a while my 3 sons had baskets filled with sweets,coloured pencils and craft stuff as my youngest has a milk allergy and couldn’t have chocolate - then Grandad as he was getting older decided to give me the money for Easter eggs and I spoke to the children and said they had this money and they decided they would buy a game for their PlayStation and enjoy that instead of eggs.
Nursery is an excellent way for children to play and learn alongside other children - your child, your choice !!!

when she makes comments like that just say ‘we decided this works best for us’ and change the subject to something she won’t want to talk about.

Your partners "friend" is a twat OP. You sound like you are doing a brilliant job, id much rather have a toddler laughing scooting round the garden than stuffing their face with choc!

And this is all that matters, really. What other parents do or don't do for Easter/Birthdays/ doesn't matter. You do what's best for your child, you're obviously a caring mum. And that other mum should learn to keep her tactless opinions to herself.

The only thing you’re unreasonable about is not giving them a confused look and saying ‘well… you know, you do you’ and then walking away