Mum shamed for easter

[Scottyme]

My toddler doesn’t overly like chocolate or sweets and has got a little egg from their nan so not like they haven’t got an egg. So I as a treat took my little one to Smyths to buy a toy instead but my partners friend, a relatively new first time mum, said I was spoiling them and they would never buy anything other than a egg for her child.

My argument is my child doesn’t really like chocolate anyway and they needed some more age appropriate toys now and they would get much more out of a £15 scooter, than an egg. But she didn’t just say it and leave it she kept not picking how they couldn’t send their children to nursery couldn’t think of anything worse than palming their children off to strangers etc.

I just feel like crap now for trying to do the best for my child 😢

I say this with great kindness OP: you need to toughen up.

Not just about you partner's friend, but about every other rando who will critique your choices in life and especially in parenthood. Sooo many virtue-signallers will tell you how you're doing it wrong and attempt to make you feel small, to question and justify. Don't play their game.

Here's your answer: "Thank you for your unsolicited opinion. I disagree."

Practise makes perfect, OP. Keep saying it.

Oh that's lovely.
I still remember when I was tiny, maybe 4? My mum and dad got us Easter presents. I don't know why, maybe Dad had some cash in hand money.
I got a Sooty puppet that I wore out playing with ( he had velvet on his paws!).
Dd3 who is now 17 absolutely remembers the sunny day when we spontaneously went out and bought her a bike on the first sunny day of spring when she was 5.
Do what you want to spark joy in your kids.

Tell them to mind their own business - it’s nothing to do with them and don’t let other peoples opinions affect you. As mothers we are criticised left right and centre, try and block it out as best as you can.

Don't any churches do family friendly Easter services?

If you want to celebrate Easter then go to church. It's not a chocolate holiday.

My DC have had money from their Grandparents instead of eggs, both at Uni so far more appreciated.

You know what? It would also be completely fine to buy your child a plush bunny at Easter (or whatever) and never give chocolate eggs. For whatever reason you like. Receiving chocolate eggs at Easter appears nowhere in the UN Charter on the Rights of Children. I've looked.

I think it was a celebration day long before the Christians rocked up

Well you've probably learned something useful here, which is don't bother spending any more time with this needlessly critical person (or anyone like her.) Life is too short!!

Some people thrive on putting other people down to make themselves feel better (sometimes because they believe they are superior) and these people are best avoided! Oh - and I would keep your son away from her too. Surround yourself with supportive, reasonable, normal people.

It's good practice to start having boundaries to limit your interactions with people who make you feel bad. You just don't deserve it.💐

"We all do things differently, but I don't criticise your parenting so please don't criticise mine."

Ignore! Do Easter however you want. We usually get the children a big egg each and a very small gift/toy/sticker book and sometimes an outfit. One year though we clubbed together and got them a trampoline in the garden. But there's no strict rules here.

What you've done sounds fine to me!

@Scottyme my 11 yo doesn't like chocolate either and isn't a massive fan of sweets either. Have never restricted them having anything. Have always taught everything in moderation is ok. But she simply isn't that fussed.

She has outgrown a faux leather biker jacket recently and whilst out shipping for school bits she found one she loved in Primark. It was £15 so not expensive but also not much more than some easter eggs. She chose that instead of an egg.

Ignore your partner's friend, they are absolutely entitled to do things their way as are you. And trust me when the tween years hit she will be singing a whole different tune!

I think you need to grow a thicker skin OP and ignore other people's opinions.

There is only one way to treat this kind of a person @Scottyme - ignore the comments, don’t respond.

Then quietly say to yourself “Hah! Give it time Newbie…let’s see what you do in 2 years time when you are run ragged with a chocolate obsessed toddler!”. She’s a fool and fools deserve no credit.

I’m sorry that she made you feel crap. Your dc sounds delightful enjoyIng their new toy.

Yes it was! It was a pagan festival. Celebrate spring etc. the Christians stole it!

Ignore them. In the Easter hunt I always put a toy, some books, etc. can easily keep it Easter themed. Plus less sweets. I would far rather buy a football than more chocolate.

Do what you want but just remember you're locked in to doing it every Easter until the DC get bored with it. We went with books and a small egg.

Pay no attention to her at all and do whatever suits your family.

For what it’s worth, I always get DC an egg and a toy/small gift - the oldest one is a lovely teen now who isn’t at all spoilt or demanding, so I don’t think it’s damaging them! 😁

I always bought my DC a (non religious) book for Easter as they always got loads of eggs and sweets from family members.

Parents can’t win… some say kids get too much chocolate. Personally I think a scooter is a great idea. Little one will have fun, get some exercise in the fresh air and it helps with balance etc. win-win in my opinion

None of their business. It is a sensible alternative present for a little one who doesn't like chocolate. She needs to stop being so judgmental.

I know someone like this. And honestly I have some pretty strong thoughts on her parenting style but keep them to myself because it's none of my business.

I know someone who batters on about not being able to go back to work and leave her child yet to be able to afford that she sends her husband to work offshore. He's missed out on most of his babies first year. So yeah, that's something I 'could never do' yet keep my mouth shut.

I honestly loathe people like this. I would say something like 'well we all have different parenting styles and lifes don't we' and leave it at that. If she keeps going, i'd distance myself tbh.

People are assholes.

I bought Easter eggs a month ago as if you leave it late they sell out of the popular ones (they where already sold out of a few in March and they don't buy replacements due to not wanting over stock, its first come first served) and you can't guarantee you'll get what you want. As I was putting them in the basket a family strolled down the seasonal Easter aisle (which is on its own at the far side of the supermarket not leading to anything) just to loudly announce 'got idiots are buying Easter things, it MARCH'. So performative and weird they took time out of their day and went out of their way just to disapprove of strangers.

I had similar at Christmas with Advent calendars too.

I can't eat milk chocolate (which is all eggs where back in the day). My mam started buying non egg things which where way better. They still had a 'link' to Easter or April though not something wildly random. I think buying non edible things is absoloutly fine though.

As others have said a new 'Easter dress/outfit/bonnet' have always been a thing.

She 'sends' him?

My step dad worked away like that, it had fuck all to do with my mam who basically raised us (me and my sibling who is his kid) as a single mother. My mam was strong and had raised me alone anyway so it didn't bother her to do the same with my sibling but it certainly was not her forcing the 'poor man'.

On the flip side he had worked decades in that field, was highly trained, sought after, well paid and held the licenses. She knew that when she picked him, what was she meant to do? demand he drop out of his career and get a paper round to be at home more?

I'm in my 40s and last weekend my parents were over. They wanted to go to a garden centre and told me I had 50 quid to spend on whatever I wanted. I don't consider myself spoilt 😁.

Your doing a nice thing for your daughter that you know she appreciates. Everyone else is irrelevant and can bog off.

Yes she sends him. She asked him to do this type of work because it's well paid and she can stay at home and it started when the baby was born.

Something i'd never expect my husband to do but that's her choice.

Maybe should have asked before assuming and overreacting.