Stranger calling me a bad parent

[Stephaneey]

I’m just typing this to get it off my chest as I don’t really have many people to talk to. At the weekend I was with my daughter in a park, it was crowded due to an event happening at the same time. My daughter spotted some flowers and went to look at them. She stood in the flower bed and ran away from me, she then stood on a flower. I had grabbed her before then but my mum said she was ok to go back to have a look. My mum then said just grab her as she stood on a flower.

I lifted her up and a young woman standing by started saying I was disrespectful. I said well she’s only 3. The boyfriend then pipes up saying ‘we’re not talking to a 3 year old. We pay our taxes.’ I replied I also pay taxes?’ The woman then says ‘look at all the other children behaving nicely and not playing in the flowers, couldn’t you tell you were doing something wrong!’ I did see red and did lose my temper at this point and couldn’t believe she said this to me. I asked if they saw me as an easy target and if they would confront a gang of teenagers/men in the same manner. There were teens climbing a war memorial near by and I asked if they were going to say anything to them? They started needling me out of the way and I said I wanted to go where I was standing originally. At this point a man starts shouting at me that I’m pushing him. I just keep thinking about scared my daughter must have been of this.

I can’t stop thinking about how this has affected my daughter. It was Mother’s Day yesterday and I couldn’t stop thinking how I’ve raised a child. I’m a single parent, I lost a lot of blood in childbirth, I had post natal depression. My daughter still has issues sleeping. I’ve had not a day without worry in 3 years. But the a young woman can just comment so confidently on my parenting skills and not feel an ounce of shame. To get to that park yesterday I had to pack food, supplies, I had to make sure I had wipes, water even medicine. Did she have that sort of preparation?

it’s funny as I was going to give her a tablet to watch cartoons on (we were waiting for the event) but I thought it was good she wanted to get involved with nature. Ironic if she’d been on her tablet we would have gone without comment.

I can’t get the whole thing out of my head. My mum walked off so this upset my daughter as she gets separation anxiety. My mum walking off just added to the whole thing. I can’t discuss this with her as she believes this was my fault for interacting with them. I try to raise with her that I felt so alone and why as a parent she wouldn’t take my side automatically? I can’t get my head round that. She just can’t see my point of view and how awful I found that woman’s comment. She added that she never received any comments like that as we were always well behaved. Can I add at this point my daughter is the most lovely, well behaved little girl. She can be very cautious with new situations, she’s gentle with babies and younger kids, we’ve taken flights and car rides and people comment how good she is. Can I also say how worried I always am about being respectful. I litter pick, I always recycle, I always go back in to shops to pay if I’ve forgotten something in my trolley. I even cross the road in a respectful way 😂 I would never want to destroy something in nature, I plant my own flowers!

I get anxiety going out anyway but had to push myself yesterday as I didn’t want to have to hideaway(I probably would of if I was by myself) I’m just not sure how I forget about this, how do I parent with confidence when outside. How do I not combust with anxiety if my daughter wants to play in public again. How do I try and forget the tag of ‘bad parent’ has anyone been through anything similar?

Yes this! Ridiculous responses by the same old bullies as usual. The child is 3 and stood on a flower! Yikes!

It’s easy to see your child has separation anxiety. Well brought up normal kids don’t.

What utter bollocks.

Agree.

Sounds as tho’ you’re the problem not your daughter. Not being able to accept any criticism of your child’s behaviour isn’t good parenting; it’s your job to set boundaries and stick to them, and it’s not easy. As parenting, including packing all the paraphernalia for an afternoon out isn’t at all easy; we’ve all been there and you just have to get on with it. All this mental health stuff - anxiety, etc - is a part of life and not a condition. Just get on with life, and say no sometimes and mean it.

She can’t. That’s where you come in to make sure respect is shown which you didn’t do. You can’t just allow a 3yr old to go and stand on flowers and play in flower beds which are there for everyone to enjoy?

I have 3 children, one has autism and a learning disability.
Stop wallowing , we all have preparation before an outing and need to supervise our children ( even more difficult with 3 as mostly I was by myself as I don’t have anyone to help )
I do have a partner but they can’t be there often as they’re working.
No relatives to help .
It was poor behaviour your child trampling on flowers and the couple who started complaining were rude .
All they needed to say was that your daughter needed to come off the flower beds and no more needed to be said .
ypu didn’t need to start arguing with them

A time traveller who landed in 2025 from a few decades ago and read this - would wonder what had happened to people. The OP and her subsequent posts, what the strangers in the park said and a lot of the responses here... I really think people are rapidly losing the plot. The total focus on self, the claims of victimisation from all sides and the lashing out at people who think differently... how about we all leave the house every morning remembering that we can all be nice to each other, care for our environment and give friendly advice when it's requested.

You only need come on here, read comments sections online in general to see that compassion for any ounce of vulnerability is going.

Scary and I hate to think what the next generation will experience.

Have people just always been like this in these numbers? Probably - they just have the platforms now to conflate and express it.

I love MN. In times of vulnerability and despair, I'd never ever post here for support or help. These comments on here validate why. How many of these people teach children, work with vulnerable adults and so forth. Sickening to think.

Twice.

The first time would be considered accidental. The second time is bad parenting. Even her mother walked away.

EDIT - however I do think she needs some form of therapy for the traumatic birth as it seems to be affecting her a lot.

It’s scary, I picture the people posting the really awful comments as that woman in that show Baby Reindeer, Martha? 🫣

😆. Well maybe we'll have laws soon wherein we can arrest parents for allowing the disturbing and distressing crime of flower trampling by their children. 🤦

My mum used to make me feel so stressed out when parenting my own child. I felt less stressed and less reactive doing things alone tbh.

It takes a lot to just nod along to pie heads like the ones you describe. If you weren't so overwhelmed and stressed, in another situation, you could laugh it off and not react. When feeling so overwhelmed, it's almost impossible.

You feel unsupported, ashamed and ineffectual.

You aren't. You aren't at all. There's a great deal of shaming going on ATM in society as a whole. It's projection and deflection - always.

Stick to really easy, low stress outings where you can just relax and not have to deal with the public so much until your child is older. You'll feel better for it.

Wow the comments are ridiculous! Big deal you gave her another chance to go and look at the flowers again and she stepped on them. Okay so obviously you were taking her away then and wouldn’t have let her go back. Most people would have given their child another chance. It’s usually after the second time parents realise their child isn’t going to listen.

That couple had absolutely no right to comment on your parenting. It’s not like you were laughing and encouraging her. And that was a good point that they had the gall to say something to you but not at teenagers climbing a war memorial. Shame on them. I have a toddler and it is stressful when they don’t listen to you in public, you would expect people to understand.

She’s 3. I teach in EYFS ages 2-4 a private school nursery. You have to give children a second chance. What would you have done? The first time would be a warning and explanation, the second remove her, which the OP did.

A bed of flowers is a joy forever - until someone runs through it and stamps on the flowers.

Then it becomes an eyesore.

What would you have done?
Held her hand for starters and kept her next to me. The OP has repeatedly said it was so busy there she had to crawl in between people. One even said OP had pushed him out of the way when she went to finally grab her child. There should not have been a second chance after the first time. Basic parenting, which as someone who teaches youngsters should know. Frightening that you don't.

People generally have very unrealistic expectations as to how very young children should behave. Until they are at least 4 years old, it is all about riding it out. If other members of the public don't understand that then they are the ignorant idiots. I remember when my now 7 year old was 19 months, someone in a park called her rude because she touched the fluffy pom pom on this woman's bag. I remember being gobsmacked and I replied quite harshly. That was my first learning curve as a mother, and since then it has never stopped. People can be arseholes!

Dear me chick, you’ve done a fabulous job raising your sweet baby AND all by yourself and with health issues. I am a great mother and my children might well have run into a flower bed at 3, that’s when you’re giving them a bit more freedom but they’re still very ‘new out of the box’. And your mum seems to have learned to avoid confrontation, which you’re braver than, especially where your baby is concerned! The only bad parenting there seems to have been how the rude woman shouting at a mother and child was raised.
Have faith in yourself and try to build a friend at a mother’s group - even the strongest of us need validation and a bit of a whinge in these miserable situations.
Your daughter will be harmed by very little if she sees her mum confident - she could have been taught how to stand up for herself, if you think of it like that.
Only thing I’d do is have a chat with your mum if she’s likely to be helpful, to say how much you need her to be positive if she’s your only source. But remember she has her own issues and don’t scare her if her timidity is based on anything deeper than just lack of confidence.
Up and on, OP! Take your daughter back to the sunshine with a sense of pride in a job well done.

Why should they? I am sure they have, or have had, similar problems, but probably didn’t turn it into a drama.
You are being unreasonable and entitled! And get that child off the flower beds!

get your little Angel off the flower beds its disrespectful, simple as.

turning a blind eye is easy when you can’t be bothered parenting properly

If you’d been bothered to read it, I didn’t ’turn a blind eye’ also - It happened 3 months ago, get over it 👋🏼

Oh ffs all these people saying a 3 yo was disrespectful standing on the flower bed have obviously never had a 3 yo or completely forget what it's like..they are completely irrational at this age and jump from one thing to the next. Some also don't like to listen!! This is a complete non event OP and I wouldn't worry about these people or your Mums reaction at all.

This was in April?! Why have you resurrected it ilikeadrink it’s been done to death. Are you obsessed with flowerbeds or something?

I think it is completely fine if your DD just wanted to watch the flowers. However, if you occupy other's space just to allow her to get a better view, then it would really become disrespectful. Also, in this kind of scenario, the best response is to ignore them. Firstly, your daughter did something wrong, and your next step should be apologising and steer clear of the unwanted confrontation. But it seems that your emotion the got the best of you, thinking that you did nothing wrong, making you want to win the discussion with them.

I would disagree that she did something ‘wrong’ (which I know people would think an example of my awful parenting) I’m trying to forget this really, but I sometimes get shivers thinking my daughter might remember this. I do think the girl kept the ‘argument’ going especially saying all the other children were behaving which I think is a terrible thing to say (I did point out they were a lot older) I do think if people knew the type of event it was, it would actually be more shocking she picked on a child (I didn’t want to mention for privacy reasons). I’m going to unwatch this now ✌🏼

I had a yound autistic child who is now an autistic teen and she would not have been allowed in a flower bed. It's like lots of basic life skills. Don't drop litter, don't damage plants in the park, wear your seatbelt, use your inside voice. It's boring to keep repeating these things but we do so in the hope that our kids don't grow up feral. Sometimes we screw up and our kids behave like little beasts and someone else points it out. It's uncomfortable and embarassing but it doesn't mean we weren't in the wrong. You were in the wrong to let your kid back in the flower bed a second time and wrong to get angry when someone else pointed it out. Own it and do better next time.