Awful parents evening reception

[Freddyfor]

Just had parents evening and I'm so upset for my DS he's 4. He started the school in Januray as we relocated , he also had a new baby brother arrive at the same time - who was in NICU for 5 weeks .

His old school loved him great report, the new teacher didn't say one positive thing about him and he genuinely is such a lovely boy . She said his concentration is awful (worst in the class, not badly.behaved just zones out ) and he's behind on blending/phonics . He is hit and miss with concentration at home he will always concentrate on something he wants to do i.e lego , playdoh, painting . But reading for example sometimes he will do it gladly other times not so much.

She mentioned eye contact when she was trying to take a picture when he first started, he's actually amazing with eye contact and I really don't think he has autism as I've watched for signs as ny DB has it. Q

Obviously he's had a lot.of chnage and I feel incredibly guilty. She also mentioned he plays with people but sometimes also will play on his own is this not normal ? He loves other children he had lovely friends in his old school and now I feel awful for pulling him away from it all.

Any tips on how I can help him ? Or has anyone experienced a bad recpetion report

He's 4. She needs to chill out. Just give him cuddles and read with him.

It’s a hell of a lot of change for a 4 year old. I wouldn’t be panicking right now. Children who are not settled often don’t show how much they can do at school and he has lots of good reasons not to be settled.

if you are very concerned then consider doing a bit of phonics with him - there are computer programmes that support with this.

but I wouldn’t panic just yet.

he will get more used to his new environment and will become much more comfortable.

It does sound like the teacher was trying to flag concerns to you, sorry op.

What was her advice and suggestion for next steps?

He’s 4 years old.
He’s still not much more than a baby, and as you say has had some major life changes recently!
Nothing you’ve described sounds out of the ordinary for the average 4 year old 🤷🏻‍♀️
My DS is 8 now, but your parents evening mirrors a lot of what’s always been said about him since he was in reception: struggles concentrating, slightly behind on phonics.
School isn’t a one size fits all thing. My son struggles to concentrate because listening to a teacher drone on about “a is for Apple” is the most boring thing in the world to him. Because he’s 8 and would rather sit and read a book about dinosaurs. Not because there’s something amiss 🫠😂
Teacher needs to chill tf out 🤨

How sad. Hes only 4, poor little dude. 4yo dont actually need to be blending phonics and writing etc. They need (and want!) to be playing. Which is better for them developmentally anyway. I agree with another poster - give your ds lots of cuddles and reassurance, lots of time to play, lots of you reading picture books etc aloud. Lots of chances with play with other kids. And dont take what the teacher said to heart.

I think she mentioned the eye contact as I asked if she thought it was something, but im not worried about the eye contact as he's great with it at home or even with friends etc . I think maybe this time he was just shy.

He's super outgoing, loves children , can hold conversations with adults and children, loves to play. He's fine with chnage in fact he loves going new places on holiday etc. He's great with emotions his own and understanding other people's. He just doesn't fit it to me. Maybe more ADHD but even then his only thing is concentration...

I think you should listen to his teacher and watch out for signs of autism or ADHD (which doesn’t always present as hyperactivity) and do nothing more.

He’s 4. He’s had many changes in his life recently, he’ll be processing. Yes he may have things that need further investigation or he may not.

DS1 joined pre school (attached to a primary school) when he was nearly 4. We had also moved across the country and had just had another baby, both occurring literally weeks before him starting. Prior to this he had been in a private nursery without issue. Awful timing, but needs must.

His behaviour was atrocious for a good 6 months, maybe more. We were pulled aside at every pick up. Home life was really hard.

But then it just got better. He just settled, matured and got better. He’s had nothing but glowing feedback since reception started.

Im all for early intervention but I’d just give this a bit more time. He’s still finding his feet amongst all the change. Keep holding firm but loving boundaries at home, praise the good +++ and see where you are in another 6 months.

Thank you everyone x he loves cuddles , loves playing , loves other children . He is very gentle but that's not a bad thing.

He's so in tune with him emotions , he read 4 books with me before bed I think he doesn't like making mistakes with his reading .

He had lots of friends out of school befor we moved I need to try and build that up here.

He's very well behaved, she didn't say he doesn't follow instructions . More zones out mainly mainly talking about phonics .

I'm of course going to look out for ADHD and autism i always have done .

I have one child who is youngest in their school year and one who is oldest. The latter is my second child. The expectations put on each at the same age was night and day. My first was in reception at age 4 and I was told they were behind on everything re reading and writing, poor concentration, just wanted to 'play' etc... I was really worried. My second was in preschool age 4 and there was no expectation to know phonics etc...focus was purely on play. I only realised how unfair (and unrealistic!!) the expectations that the reception put on my oldest child, having my second go through a completely different experience at the equivalent age.

An example is, my first was expected to write their name down on a piece of paper each morning in reception and struggled (something I was made to worry about). At the same age, my second (in preschool) was given a standing ovation for simply recognising the first letter of their name (with no expectation to even write it!).

If my two had been born the other way around, I'd have laughed at the reception teacher making out my 4 year old was 'behind' because they couldn't meet their expectations. But I didn't have that comparison so was left worrying. Now 10, they are doing really well at school and no issues.

4 is so young and waaaaay too soon to be worrying about school achievements. Try not to worry, there is loads of time for your lo to get to grips with phonics etc...

Four is too young to be at school IMO.

I think you should take heed of what she’s said whilst bearing in mind he has had a lot of change.
generally teachers accentuate the positives at parents evenings and most don’t raise things even gently if they don’t have real concerns.
But absolutely carry on as you are enjoying the cuddles and reading together

We had a similar experience when my eldest was four. A teacher said he was “quirky” and recommended an assessment. I hadn’t seen any “signs” and stressed and worried for months leading up to the appointment. When we saw the child psychologist she just said he was a bright little boy with two younger siblings, lots of change in a short time and a lot going on in his head. She couldn’t see any issues. He’s now a great big 18 year old, about to go to university and thoroughly enjoying life.

I know the teacher was just doing her job voicing concerns but I’d say you know your boy better. Listen to your instincts and remember he’s only little. So much pressure is put on parents and small children these days. X

Do consider that children can be very different at school than at home. You obviously know him well but cannot guarantee he is the same in a different environment, so disputing all her suggestions is perhaps unwise. Ask how you can work together to help him with school. He is only very young, plenty of time.

My son is autistic and his teachers have always found at least something positive to say about him, even when he was really struggling. I would be very concerned about leaving my child in the care of someone who couldn't even find one thing nice to say, especially a child so young.

Thanks everyone.

If it is ADHD or Autism we would support him in every way we could , and if it is its mild I assume (sorry if that's not the correct wording ).

I think what's upsetting me more is that it all being my fault for disrupting his life . His brain seems to be a sponge with everything else I think he just struggles with phonics thinking back to what she said when said about concentration she specifically said when doing phonics. I know he's great at maths, loves coloring, can write his name and letters. He loves playing.

I really appreciate all the comments and im reading them all. X

I think it's appalling that it was so negative.

How experience a teacher is she?

This is what's upset me....not even he's a nice child. We were rushed out the hall as we were the last appt . I'm going to go after school tomorrow and speak to her.

His last parents evening in the old school was end of November , and they were all praise about him

I have asked how I can support. The other school said he was brilliant and he was reading sentence books there . It's like he's gone backwards . This is what's hard to understand.

She's 29 so been teaching a few years i think . I'm going to speak to her After school tomorrow.

From what you have written it sounds like the teacher was was just telling you how he currently presents in school. They are not doing their job properly if they don't. Unfortunately, even for 4 year olds they have to be judged on the 17 areas to say whether they meet the early learning goals and reading is one of them. If this is an area where he is not meeting these targets then interventions should be put into place. It sounds like your son is one of the younger ones, sometimes summer born children pick up things at a bit of a slower rate initially but can then make great progress. It is absolutely fine to play with others and for him to choose alone time also! He has had some recent big changes, hopefully he is feeling settled in school and home. If he has only been at the school a few months it sounds like the teacher has not had a chance to develop that relationship yet, especially as he missed out on all the transition activities for this school.

I’ve a four year old in reception and she wasn’t ready ( she was beyond preschool though) in September, somethings she’s behind on now. It’s really tough on the four year olds. The teacher should recognise that and most do.

Bless his heart. He's 4 and you can't really be behind in phonics at that age.....some children are just not there developmentally to be able to do it yet. She should have focused on positives as well, it should be all about building them up and helping them to be confident and enthusiastic learners at this age.

I agree with the poster who said she needs to chill out....she doesn't sound like a very good teacher. Hopefully the next one will be better.

Ypu were the last appointment. Thus could be the problem. Was the teacher rushing to communicate her concerns without taking time to share the positives?

Yes, another appointment is the way forward.