Awful parents evening reception

[Freddyfor]

Just had parents evening and I'm so upset for my DS he's 4. He started the school in Januray as we relocated , he also had a new baby brother arrive at the same time - who was in NICU for 5 weeks .

His old school loved him great report, the new teacher didn't say one positive thing about him and he genuinely is such a lovely boy . She said his concentration is awful (worst in the class, not badly.behaved just zones out ) and he's behind on blending/phonics . He is hit and miss with concentration at home he will always concentrate on something he wants to do i.e lego , playdoh, painting . But reading for example sometimes he will do it gladly other times not so much.

She mentioned eye contact when she was trying to take a picture when he first started, he's actually amazing with eye contact and I really don't think he has autism as I've watched for signs as ny DB has it. Q

Obviously he's had a lot.of chnage and I feel incredibly guilty. She also mentioned he plays with people but sometimes also will play on his own is this not normal ? He loves other children he had lovely friends in his old school and now I feel awful for pulling him away from it all.

Any tips on how I can help him ? Or has anyone experienced a bad recpetion report

I always said 4 was too young and now here I am panicking myself. I did think about holding him back a year as I think 4 is too young

I wonder if this is part of the problem . At his old school he would come home so happy about phonics going over all the sounds, words etc . The more I think the more I think its this

He is 4, is new to the school, she has noticed some things which could be indicators of problems, but which equally could be about a little boy who has had a lot of changes in his life and is processing them.

She was right to mention them, hopefully at the next meeting she will say how much he has settled in and progressed. What would be wrong would be if she had noticed some issues, had concerns and hadn’t mentioned them to you and had said she was happy with how he was in class, and they later DO turn out to be significant.

Tbh I’d probably ignore most of what she’s said as it sounds a lot of fuss about nothing. It’s a lot of change for a four year old; just carry on being loving and supportive and he’ll be fine I’m sure. Is she very young? Sounds a bit inexperienced to me tbh…

Agree teacher needs to chill. Happily, no-one does 'A is for apple' in phonics teaching, it's more like 'ssss Sid the snake'.
Glad your DS likes dinosaur books and reading - so many do not.

More likely dyslexia if it even is neurodiversity @Freddyfor. I didnt know I had it for years. I love reading but I was massively behind my peers in school even though I was top of the class. It only made sense after I was diagnosed. They said a tell tale is not knowing your left from right and writing the start of one word and finishing it with the next word. Blue paper helps words stay still. Perhaps try that first and see if he reacts to the book or writing differently. You can buy clear blue plastic that sits over a page.

Aww. Please don't beat yourself up. He actually sounds great but it sounds like the teacher hasn't got to know the real him or he hasn't come out of his shell yet. He's had a bit of disruption but he'll come through it. He's still the same boy the other school were praising. He's just very young. Maybe his next teacher will gel with him much better and sing his praises.

Despicable to speak about a 4 year old this way. 4!

Someone who has nothing positive to say to a parent os a crap teacher. There's a lot of them about.

I say this as an ex primary teacher of 14 years and mum of 3.

He's 4, 4! He should be at home with you for at least another year if not more. Seriously she needs to get a grip not the other way round! Schools in England are batshit!!!

My 6 yo summer born boy couldn't read a word at 4, was never really interested in picking up a pencil to write, - thankfully no one was pressuring us or was remotely worried because we don't love in England any more - tonight he finished reading Charlie and the Chocolate factory to himself after having read it perfectly to me last month. His reading is amazing and his writing is beautiful. So summer born children can definitely make 'great progress' @MissCatLady.

S thankful he's not at school in England where someone would have 'intervened' to cast him on the scrap heap at 4.5.

Children just need the appropriate amount of time and nourishment.

You know, it's not just poor eye contact that can suggest autism. It can also be 'staring eyes contact, like my autistic son who holds eye contact just that bit too long.

Look, maybe the teacher was unnecessarily negative. But she is trying to flag some concerns she has, and surely that's better than keeping quiet and avoiding saying anything? I say this as a mother of one autistic son, and one suspected autistic son. I picked up that my first is autistic. For my second, my son's Reception teacher gently raised the suggestion to me. I am grateful and am working with her.

I'm also a teacher myself. I see all the time that some teachers use flattery for an easy ride, but then when the next teacher is more honest, it's the honest teacher that gets criticised. I'm not saying that's definitely what's going on here, but it might be. It's one hell of a lot easier to purely sing a child's praises than to discuss issues, and some teachers do take the easy option (understandably, given the reaction when they raise concerns!).

I'd advise being open-minded. You don't need to agree with everything this teacher says, but listen and at least attempt to work with her for a while. Good luck.

🤦🏼‍♀️

I know eye contact suggests autism. But he has great eye contact. The only example she could give of bad eye contact was her trying to take his picture on his first day...he has great eye contact. I asked has she noticed it any other time and she said no

Okay brill. Just that you said in your OP he's actually amazing with eye contact so thought I'd check. Most people don't realise that it's not just poor eye contact that can suggest ASD (but too much as well!), so it's great that you are aware. Obviously that's only one small part of the bigger picture.

I've caught up on your other posts and see you have a tiny baby of just 3 lbs. You are dealing with a lot! I'd honestly encourage you to just work with the school and ask what additional support your son can be given. That was you can focus on the baby knowing the school is doing all they can.

You haven’t let him down at all. He sounds like a delightful little boy with a very loving and attentive family behind him. Believe me, that is a much more powerful factor in his future success than whether or not he can concentrate on a phonics lesson at 4. I’m an early years teacher and I think you should politely let the teacher know how this parents’ evening has left you feeling. If she is worth her salt she will be horrified at her own shoddy practice and will reassure you. It’s not acceptable to say absolutely nothing positive about any child.

I’ve quoted the wrong post-sorry!

My son didn't settle down in school until year 3. Before that we had all sorts of disappointing comments from teachers such as: "Now what can I say about Sweetgingercat's boy?" followed by a long pregnant pause. He's doing 9 GCSEs now and is in the top set for all his subjects.

Most boys don't settle down and sit still and learn/read in the same way girls do. They want to be out in the playground, fighting and climbing trees and our school system doesn't let them do that.

Also some schools are much more relaxed about these things than others. Our first primary was super stressed about maintaining their outstanding rating and put the kids under all sorts of pressure. Our second primary was much more relaxed and children thrived there.

Thank you , I'm going to ask to meet with her after school tomorrow. I pushed for as much support as possible and will continue to.

I'm not worried as such about autism although I don't think its that. As I say my DB has it along with ADHD so I have a decent understanding. It's more that she was so negative and had no positives to say.

Would you go easy and be a bit kinder to yourself. You’ve been pregnant and really very ill ( I had sepsis when pregnant in 2010 and had to be resuscitated). This in itself is a huge deal and takes time to recover from both physically and mentally. You’d had a little baby in ICU for a long time - again speaking from experience that is such a difficult, worrying time. You’d a new baby in the house, moved house and had to settle your little boy in school. Your little boy has had a tough few months with you being ill, new baby, the shuffling about to allow you parents to spend time in ICU, moving house, school, making new friends. I think both of you are bloody amazing to be up , dressed and at it. You know you have a lovely sociable clever little boy. He will catch up. The teacher doesn’t see the whole picture. Don’t feel guilty about changing schools etc. Kids at that age are happy as long as they are with their parents. He’ll not be long settling and making new friends Xx

I think she's probably just letting you know her observations, not trying to say you're doing something wrong or there's something wrong with your child.

With everything that's going on, it makes sense that his concentration might not be all that so I think you can just take this as info and see how you go forward.

It's a shame she didn't think of a nice positive comment to add as well - perhaps a bit of a personality clash.

Still so very young and he hasn't been at the new school long, for all anyone knows he could just have moments where he's day dreaming thinking about his previous school and friends he had while there.

Holy God that teacher sounds mad. She has mentioned poor eye contact because he wasn’t wanting to smile from the camera and look at her on his first day three months ago!! Seriously.

I'm sorry but I'm gonna call it. His teacher's a dick. Poor boy is only 4. Give him extra cuddles and support him as you are.

@Freddyfor. I know this is heresy and I’ll get flamed - but you say he’s reading. Is he bored? My DD was reading well by the end of YR and some DC could read well before they were 5. So phonics IS boring! My DD could just remember the words but she knew what she was reading. I’m assuming DS does too.

My idea would be to push on at home with what he needs. My DD loved poetry for children. She liked the rhythms and found it funny. Really increased her language. She had library books that had nothing to do with phonics. Wd did paired reading and found fun books. We more or less ignored phonics! So why not do your own thing? Teachers are not always right and phonics can be such a chore.

I don’t necessarily think you should engage with sen theories just yet. Definitely invite a few dc round to tea. Try and chat to a few mums. 4 is way too early to make judgements about many things.

And as for liking playing alone sometimes - is that not a good thing? To enjoy playing others but also to be content in one’s own company?

How much sleep is he getting? Could the new baby be waking him at night to the point he’s tired in the classroom?