Anyone else find health visitors annoying?

[LifesQuestions]

My baby is 10 weeks old and is exclusively breastfed and I still have a HV visit every other week to check on baby because they are concerned about her weight. My baby has been steadily gaining weight since she turned 3 weeks but the issue they have is that she's growing on the 0.4th percentile.

Whilst this HV isn't actively encouraging me to top baby up with formula, I do feel paranoid that this is what she wants me to do because most of the midwives who used to visit prior to HV were all encouraging me to top baby up with formula, including the paediatrician who I got referred to when she was losing weight in the first three weeks.

I did listen and top baby up with formula but I gave up on it after just over a week as she was never finishing the bottle (I did a mix of pumped breastmilk and formula) and the rest would go to waste. Once baby was consistently gaining weight, the midwifery team discharged me and now it's the HV visiting regularly.

What I don't understand is why the HV keeps visiting, what can I do as it's just making me feel stressed!

I used to be a HV. A BF baby nicely following the 0.4th percentile would not worry me.

Tell her you will weigh baby yourself and contact her if there are any issues.

Sounds like good advice.
Tell your HV that you will contact them if you feel the need, and that you do not want/ require any further visits.

I’m so sorry that you’re having a hard time from posters on this thread who maybe haven’t read the full thread or seem to have a fundamental ignorance of how centiles work.

I’m also sorry that you’re having a had such awful BFing support. I had similar which is probably one of the reasons I hang around here trying to help others

I hope the government looks at the funding and traning for MWs and HVs.

None of them should be checking for TT and passing an opinion on whether or not your baby has one unless they are a fully trained Tongue Tie Practitioner.

I've read several stories in the news of breastfed babies who died from not getting enough milk - it's rare but it does happen!

I also know someone close to me who made no breastmilk whatsoever. It could have had catastrophic consequences for her baby (when she didn't know she was incapable of making milk) but luckily the weight loss was caught by a health visitor. I think HV might be annoying to some parents, but ultimately they're there to help the baby be healthy and thrive!

We had similar, a longer period of being seen by the HV initially. It was a pain but I didn't opt out because it can be a red flag on your file and sometimes escalate to other services being involved. I just put up with it until they discharged me. Turn up to appointments, make sure you andd the baby and your home are always presentable, never mention relationship or family problems, nod and smile to any advice they give but do your own thing in the privacy of your home (and seek real advice from a private specialist if you need it). The appointments will stop soon enough and you'll barely remember it in a few years.

I think the service is getting worse. I can't remember the baby stuff but I had a home visit for my first child's 2 year check and the HV actually engaged with him and checked the home environment and gave useful advice. My second child's check was in a clinic and completely perfunctory - felt like a box-ticking exercise and I was annoyed that we'd missed toddler group to attend.

Same, I once missed a child and toddler group for it and then she didn't even show up! And in the appointments she has shown up to, half the time we sit in silence and she's writing in the red book. It almost feels like I'm a mental patient being observed.

It’s a “greater good” issue. For 99.99% of people regular HV checks are unnecessary. In 00.01 cases it prevents a potential catastrophe.

I'd ask if the frequency of visits could reduce. I'd ask for the next two visits to be fortnightly and if those are in the 0.4th percentile still go to monthly visits.

I saw my HV weekly-fortnightly for 7+ months as my daughter had feeding issues and I needed her weight monitoring. It turned out it was due to allergies and silent reflux. She was 9th percentile until I removed dairy and soya then she jumped to the 25th-50th percentiles. I had been told there were no weight gain issues as she was following a percentile so it's not necessarily true that just because they are following a percentile it's their percentile. My daughter actually dropped a percentile with weaning and only gained 200g between 7 and 13 months so it's not a given that they will move up percentiles when weaning. The extra calories from food can be minimal and they start moving and talking which increases there energy consumption.

I remember the HV from when my son was born 28 years ago and she was such a condescending cow. Now, this many years later, the HVs that came to see my grandchildren are just as useless and unnecessary. The latest one said we’re not allowed to give advice! What’s the point of them, truly. She sat for an hour and there was nothing that she contributed in that hour besides weighing the baby and small talk.
I think it should be an opt in/opt out service unless there’s concern for the well ring of the child.

I think asking to try reducing visits to fortnightly and then monthly sounds like a sensible idea – she's starting to track a centile, you and she will both be increasing in confidence with feeding, and it will help reduce your stress around it whilst still keeping a close eye on her.

On the 0.4th centile, it really does make sense to monitor pretty closely. Some children absolutely are naturally on that centile, but it's only 4 in 1000, so it also makes sense to keep an eye just in case there is something else going on – allergies, intolerances, silent reflux, whatever. There is also just so little margin for error when they are that wee.

The majority of them are a pain the ass tbh. I always just agreed with what they said and did my own thing anyway.

Mine was excellent and happy my baby was gaining weight although she was born on a low centile and stayed there. Very supportive or responsive parenting and feeding on demand. If she's not helpful or supportive of breastfeeding, you can decline further visits.

I had a mixed bag and worst just at wrong time.

My DC don't follow the centile curves - didn't as babies didn't as kids but were all fine. With second baby wasn't a BF area and frankly there was huge pressure to switch to ff - first was HV were like that happens they're clearly fine.

I got lots of doorstepping we were in area so popped in - but them getting nasty when I was out despite no appointment. It was less than helpful but any attempt to say no I got viled mentions of talking SS - despite there being no concerns.

Second was like first he was born on large side and going down centile charts - the panic about a clearly healthy baby putting on weight but not fast enough to track a line was annoying - he crawled and moved early as well - and did do GP vsits and they said it was all fine.

In end took my Dmum advice - prevented the door stepping by turned up at clinic with parents - DH or mum freind made at group - showing off I had support and was enagaging on my terms - then spaced visits out then stopped till appointment checks when tried to go with DH.

In your case your are getting appointment times - so I'd start suggesting 2 week vsists or saying you'll pop into weighing clinic.

Unfortunately, due to lack of resources, social services threshold is so high that health visitors are often picking up and dealing with cases that would have been picked up by SS a few years ago. In deprived areas, a HVs role is more akin to that of a social worker.

I'm not disputing what you're saying but I think it's important to remember that there are children who are classed as at risk who have, on paper, SS involvement but in reality they only have HVs working with them. It's not right but sadly all services have been ground down to the bare bones.

How do you feel about doing as Skyye suggests @LifesQuestionsand asking the HV to drop the visits to every other week?

It's good advice but I find it awkward to tell the HV to come less frequently if I'm being honest. Knowing me I'm just gonna let her come as long as she wants to and just feel annoyed on the inside. On her next visit, I'm only gonna speak when spoken to and hopefully she'll get the message that way cos it's usually me speaking, not her.

When she says shall we book our next visit in say, "do you mind if we give it two weeks this time? She's following her curve well and I would like to try her on two weeks weigh ins, I'd like to start to get out a bit more with her and enjoy her newborn days and I think this would be easier on fortnightly weigh ins, as long as she continues to follow her line"

That's a nice way of doing it without coming across rude. Although I was thinking monthly visits would be more ideal!

Well I had an excellent health visitor, we were in the same situation as you and she was v supportive of me bf and not topping up. Thank God.
But I once saw a different hv who was horrendous and made me feel awful.
Guess there's good and bad like with most things

Agree, it’s a very good way of dealing with it. Maybe ask first a two week appointment for now and in a month ask for a monthly appointment?

I agree with above. I’d say what about if I come along to the baby clinic in two weeks?
If she’s following the line I don’t know why a HV is coming every week! That’s very unusual.
Id also be putting a feedback/complaint in about the lack of Bf support and tongue tie check etc

Great news, the health visitor came today to check on baby and she didn't arrange a follow up visit and just suggested that I drop into the weigh in clinics now and then, and this was without me having to say anything. What a relief as it means she's not concerned anymore! Thanks for all the advice and support everyone.

I was shocked when I found out how well qualified they are. I found them AWFUL my husband, the least moany man in the world, called and asked that she never came back.

Ours was condescending, rude and frankly pointless. Weirdly, she wouldn’t weigh my baby (the only thing I wanted!) and said I could take her to a weighing clinic if I wanted to. She said my baby looked ‘fine’ from a distance, never got her out of the bassinet and commented ‘I hope you’re not drinking all that’ about my wine rack.

just say you don’t want their support.

Excellent, that's great that baby is doing so well! That will let you relax a bit about it all whilst still being able to check in and get her weighed when suits you.