Anyone else find health visitors annoying?

[LifesQuestions]

My baby is 10 weeks old and is exclusively breastfed and I still have a HV visit every other week to check on baby because they are concerned about her weight. My baby has been steadily gaining weight since she turned 3 weeks but the issue they have is that she's growing on the 0.4th percentile.

Whilst this HV isn't actively encouraging me to top baby up with formula, I do feel paranoid that this is what she wants me to do because most of the midwives who used to visit prior to HV were all encouraging me to top baby up with formula, including the paediatrician who I got referred to when she was losing weight in the first three weeks.

I did listen and top baby up with formula but I gave up on it after just over a week as she was never finishing the bottle (I did a mix of pumped breastmilk and formula) and the rest would go to waste. Once baby was consistently gaining weight, the midwifery team discharged me and now it's the HV visiting regularly.

What I don't understand is why the HV keeps visiting, what can I do as it's just making me feel stressed!

I found mine to be a complete waste of time. They would just sit and make small talk for the best part of an hour.

Back then baby clinic was on a Thursday and I’d always take my daughter to be weighed so could see them there if I really needed any advice but I didn’t find them of any use. Do they do similar in your area?

ask them to stop coming

i found mine condescending. I really didnt need someone half my age giving me a lecture on how to look after my baby

This is MN. Everyone hates their HV.

I found my health visitor to be lovely and really helpful. She really listened to my concerns and helped my little one get the input they needed from various other professionals.

How dare a specialist nurse come and visit you to check on the wellbeing of your new born baby. As your baby was referred to a paediatrician, the health professionals must have been really concerned. No surprise then that a nurse is following up.

You already said it was the midwives and the paediatrician who mentioned formula, so I don't know why you're annoyed with the health visitors about that.

It's opt in, isn't it? I never bothered with them. You can take your baby to weighed.

I was asked if I wanted to have visits as I had twins and thought it would be helpful rather than getting them to the clinic. As it was in walking distance I just took them to baby clinic.

Gosh. The paediatrician is concerned about your baby's weight (for a good reason), and you are annoyed that the health visitor is checking on you?
You should consider listening to people who are medically trained rather than get annoyed.

My baby was referred to a paediatrician when she was losing weight in the first three weeks. She's now been gaining weight for 7 weeks yet the HV is still visiting almost every week which is not normal

I saw the paediatrician when she was 2 weeks old and losing weight. From 3 weeks she's been gaining weight and is now 10 weeks yet the HV is visiting almost every week.

I never had one show any interest and certainly no home visits

Babies aren’t supposed to finish bottles of milk.

You can opt out of the health visiting service by emailing the manager for your area.

I didn’t find mine helpful at all, every time I asked her something she just told me to read the Red Book.

Good luck OP x

Forget some of these messages OP! If baby is now growing along her line, all is well, as you clearly know! Why don't you ask the HV why you're having weekly visits. Then you can decide whether it is valuable for you.

No, it's not opt in. Health visitors will see any baby they have concerns about for up to a year. They're there to check baby is OK mainly and make referrals to social services if needed.

I realise OP is annoyed but some mums don't ever make enough breastmilk and there's even been cases of babies dying from starvation etc and mums not realising they had such little milk supply. The HV is there to make sure baby is growing enough and healthy, and will keep coming until their weight goes up, or suggest formula top ups if it's needed

It's definitely opt-in @MsCactus - just as engaging with a MW or GP is optional. It's not compulsory.

Oh I thought it was more like social services/checking up on babies and parents. What happens if an "at risk" baby's parents decline the health visitor then?

Sorry to say but mines been great apart from the fact I rarely see her! I'm counting down the days till next appointment as she's due to check a tongue tie and I'm hoping can be referred.
It's tough when you don't feel like they are listening though-
As others have said ask her why she's visiting every week now baby's gaining consistently and that it's stressing you out.
To be honest though I'd rather a health professional was taking more interest than less when it comes to babies.

@MsCactus - "at risk children" have multiple agencies involved in their care - not just HVs.

Your baby may be growing now, but she is doing so very slowly. There is a real possibility that she is not getting enough nutrients. I appreciate that it's annoying to have to keep seeing the HV but I don't think they are being unreasonable in wanting to keep an eye on your baby.

Community midwives were fabulous, but the HV were shit.

What makes a baby "at risk" and how much of an imposition into a family's life would you think is reasonable for people who have done nothing wrong? If a baby is truly "at risk" due to concerns over living situation, substance use, or previous social services involvement, then social services would be involved before the baby is born. I have heard from people I have spoken to in specific online communities that I'm in for young people (under 30) who are currently or have in the past undergone fertility treatment that midwives and health visitors can be very condescending and even discriminatory towards young mothers, even young mothers who have been married for years and have often paid sometimes tens of thousands of pounds, or spent years on waiting lists, to have a baby. I think there is an attitute that all babies of mothers under 25 must have been the accidental result of a broken condom during a one night stand, and are inherently at risk, which (very understandably) can make a 23 year old woman with a planned baby not want people like HV in their homes.

She's following the 0.4th percentile curve so is gaining on average 20g a day. Generally babies don't jump percentiles until they start solids?

I've had the same HV for both my DC and she has been absolutely bloody amazing. I know lots of HV are not great, but I really believed mine probably saved me when I was in the depths of PND.

OP, i also had a 0.4th centile baby and you will find that everyone worries about them a lot because they just don't have the reserves behind them if they have a couple of bad weeks. 10weeks is still so little. If baby is still doing well, you'll probably find the visits switch to monthly fairly soon. Because DD1 had been in NICU we were on the enhanced service until she was 1yr - weekly until around 12-16w, i think, then fortnightly for a bit, then monthly once weaning was established and back onto the normal service at 1yr.

You can reduce frequency of visits if you wish, or if you would find it less intrusive, you can arrange to see her at a health clinic or children's centre instead of at home. But personally I found it helpful to keep a close eye on DD1 because one bug had the the ability to set her back and i found it good to know when she was drifting off her centile.

As i sais, the HV was also lovely at looking after me. She got me some talking therapies support, she was a super cheerleader and so sensible in her advice. Do you have any worries about PND / PPA for example? With DD2 (feeding fine but didn't sleep for months so I was extremely sleep deprived to the point of being unwell), the HV specifically said she was coming to keep an eye on me really rather than DD2 due to the sleep issues.

They probably have other concerns about you/ your babies