Anyone else find health visitors annoying?

[LifesQuestions]

My baby is 10 weeks old and is exclusively breastfed and I still have a HV visit every other week to check on baby because they are concerned about her weight. My baby has been steadily gaining weight since she turned 3 weeks but the issue they have is that she's growing on the 0.4th percentile.

Whilst this HV isn't actively encouraging me to top baby up with formula, I do feel paranoid that this is what she wants me to do because most of the midwives who used to visit prior to HV were all encouraging me to top baby up with formula, including the paediatrician who I got referred to when she was losing weight in the first three weeks.

I did listen and top baby up with formula but I gave up on it after just over a week as she was never finishing the bottle (I did a mix of pumped breastmilk and formula) and the rest would go to waste. Once baby was consistently gaining weight, the midwifery team discharged me and now it's the HV visiting regularly.

What I don't understand is why the HV keeps visiting, what can I do as it's just making me feel stressed!

Here we go, yet another HV bashing thread.

HV are very much part of safeguarding children in this country. It’s dangerous to actively encourage families to reject their services.

Next time a child is found dead, there will be an outcry about where were the professionals in this horrific case?

Mine was amazing - exactly because she simply came and visited, chatted and gave me support. Helped me out a lot when I had a difficult situation with my ex.

I agree, but many mumsnetters think they know better.

I didn't have any local family to support me and was very grateful for my health visitor's input.

I agree - HV are there to watch over new parents, help if needed and, in worst cases, protect kids in case something goes wrong.

It’s definitely not opt in. But you can opt out

How many babies have you seen on the news that have been accidentally malnourished? None because it doesn't happen.

My bigger concern is how many mothers say they gave up on breastfeeding because of low milk supply when that simply wasn't the case. It's because of health care professionals telling mothers to top their babies up with formula which is resulting in mothers getting low milk supply because their babies aren't latching on the boob enough.

Health care professionals should be advising mothers (who wish to exclusively breastfeed) to put the baby on the boob as often as possible and to actually teach them how to properly latch a baby to breast (or refer them to someone in who can teach them), so that their milk supply can grow.

I'm all for professionals coming to visit my baby so long as they know what they are talking about and not simply looking for quick fixes to bring my baby's weight up so that they can say they are doing their job.

I agree. I don’t believe in opting out completely but I did find my HV’s knowledge of BFing woefully inadequate and sometimes detrimental. I found much better support at the BFing support groups.

Whilst I wouldn’t recommend opting out I would suggest that ask her why the visits are necessary as your DD is following her centile and if you’re able to bring her to the weigh in clinic once a month instead

Personally I was really worried when my baby dropped to just below the 2nd centile and welcomed the HV team visiting me every 2 weeks. It helped me to keep track of baby’s weight and make sure it didn’t drop any lower, plus formulate an action plan for trying to gain weight (getting a dairy-free milk prescribed) . I didn’t think it was good for a baby to be on the 0.4th centile as it can impact development.

Have you explored CMPA? That was our issue.

I have a friend whose baby dropped below the 0.4th and the baby was hospitalised and put on a feeding plan so I think I’d probably be welcoming the HV visits whilst baby is still on that curve.

Are you sure they are gaining 20g a day though? If they gain that much they’d be going up the centiles. Mine gained around 150g a week and went from 0.4th to over the 9th in 2 months.

I never been told to "top up" my baby's breast milk. Maybe because he was well fed?
(Edited - I was never told to supplement with formula during HV visits during the first 3-4 months)

I dont understand why new mums are so reluctant to top up breast milk with formula if their kids are not gaining weight as required, surely its an indicator that babies are not getting enough food? I was planning to breastfeed till 9 months, but my milk supply started to get low at around 6 month so I started supplementing with a bottle and then went on to formula completely - my baby's getting enough nutrition was more important than me feeling I failed at breastfeeding.

People can't have it both ways. You can’t go on about how awful HVs are, and how people should refuse visits-I’ve even seen advice to be out when they come round- and then raise merry hell when something bad happens to a child and demand to know why the “authorities”did nothing…

If they have a concern, why would you want her to stop visiting? I found the opposite to be true - they rarely communicate unless they feel it necessary. I think I only saw mine once, and then had to visit a clinic if and when I wanted to get him weighed or discuss anything.

Me too!

I never saw the same one twice I don't think, I stopped going pretty quickly. DS was a big baby and started dropping down the percentiles after he was born. They had already drawn attention to it and I didn't want them telling me to give him formula when he was having plenty of wet and dirty nappies.

I wasn't going to be put through more stress after already having been told i was underweight when I first got pregnant and made to have extra scans because they decided I wasn't eating enough and it would affect the baby - he was over 9lbs.

He's 6ft now, eats loads and is skinny as a rake. HV's like all NHS staff have to tick boxes and do everything possible to avoid any risk of being sued. They don't listen to you and aren't interested in individuals IME.

I got an independent midwife for my pregnancy in the end and the care was completely different and absolutely brilliant compared to the awful time I was having with the NHS (a lot of things I haven't mentioned here). I couldn't recommend them highly enough to anyone who can afford it.

Who are these ppl that raise merry hell when something bad happens? Are you talking about those neglectful parents on the news that maliciously abuse their children? I'm sure I don't have to explain to you that this is a completely different situation.

I would highly recommend that everyone reads the links contained in this post.

@LifesQuestionsI am not suggesting for a moment that you are a neglectful parent. But there are neglectful parents, and also parents who cause their child harm through ignorance. Not suggesting you are one of those either. But they exist, and visits from HVs and similar are one of the ways that harm can be prevented.So sonething that is an inconvenience to you could well save another baby’s life.

@LifesQuestionsI am not suggesting for a moment that you are a neglectful parent. But there are neglectful parents, and also parents who cause their child harm through ignorance. Not suggesting you are one of those either. But they exist, and visits from HVs and similar are one of the ways that harm can be prevented.So sonething that is an inconvenience to you could well save another baby’s life.

Health care professionals should be advising mothers (who wish to exclusively breastfeed) to put the baby on the boob as often as possible and to actually teach them how to properly latch a baby to breast (or refer them to someone in who can teach them), so that their milk supply can grow.

I had loads of support getting DD to breastfeed. She just wasn't interested in feeding when she was born, but the midwives in my hospital were absolutely fantastic and helped me to get her latched on properly. They allowed me to stay in hospital until I could feed her without any extra help.

Please don't tar all midwives and health visitors with the same brush.

@LifesQuestions as your kid grows you ll learn that in this country professionals like this are there for safeguarding so any challenges from you , and they ll call social services on you

• be polite and welcome to any advice
• accept that they’re doing their job nothing else
• accept that they’re annoying but there is nothing you can do about this
• do not look manic , do not challenge , do not opt out, don’t make them concerned over you
• learn from them, you might not know better

I opted out, much to their disgust.

They didn't care about baby's routine, gave wildly conflicting advice about everything, never came when they said they would and then informed me I looked tired. They came at nap time.

Quite a few babies end up.in hospital due to malnourishment caused by not getting enough milk. I know of three in my friendship circle. They were all fine but it was very stressful.

I'm a big fan of breastfeeding. By all means exclusively breastfeed but don't assume because it's natural nothing can go wrong and at least continue to monitor babies weight gain. If you really don't want the HV doing this take them to a clinic or get your own scales.

Sorry maybe I should have added "all" at the beginning of my sentence, I just thought maybe it's implied that not all health care professionals are going to be the same...

It's great to hear that you had a good one, myself along with many others I know didn't. I asked my midwife a week after my baby was born whether she has tongue tie and she said no and I then find out a week later that she did.

Additionally, no one looked at my latch nor was I referred to a breastfeeding support team until my baby was 2/3 weeks old, by then I had so many blisters that it hurt to feed.

My experience has been horrible but I persevered through that pain. Things could have been different if the professionals were looking at these factors instead of just telling me to top her up with formula.

Why is it such a problem to top up with formula? If the baby is hungry, they'll drink it; if not, they won’t.

I’m truly shocked by the lack of understanding some modern women have about their own bodies.

I’ve researched the history of breastfeeding (as a historian, I became very interested after I struggled to breastfeed). It’s completely normal to not be able to produce enough milk—or any at all. For thousands of years, women had help with breastfeeding. In many communities, babies were passed around for other women to nurse. You had the "village to help you with your child." Even in the 1980s in Eastern Europe, my mother paid for breastmilk when she couldn’t feed me.

These unrealistic expectations and obsession with our bodies have reached a point where babies end up in the hospital, even dying, because mothers believe they have enough milk.

It’s normal not to have enough milk. It’s normal not to be able to breastfeed. It’s 2025, and scientists have worked for over half a century to create a healthy substitute. Yet, some mothers would rather let their babies go hungry because they believe they know better.

I have my own scales and the HV is aware of this yet she still checks in every week.

I don't know why people on this thread are getting so bent out of shape about this topic, please read the whole thread to realise what I've been through before assuming I'm just being ungrateful.

I am simply saying a lot of what I've been through could have been avoided if the professionals looked at and treated the right things to begin with, i.e., the tongue tie and my latch.

The mental stress I've endured have primarily been due to the concerns of the professionals and the way they have gone about trying to resolve it. I know plenty of other mothers who have experienced the same and feel they did more harm than good. It's an opinion and people don't have to agree with me but I don't need to be belittled or called ungrateful just because they've had a different and/or more positive experience than me.

I know the professionals mean well but their approach has stopped a lot of women from breastfeeding because they are not focusing on the right things and/or incorrect information has been given. This may not have been the case for some people who have commented on the thread but that doesn't mean that it hasn't been the case for others.

Open your minds for God sake, there are other experiences other than yours.