Can a family court judge force my child into nurserh

[ShyasminW]

Please help I would be really grateful
I have a family court final hearing next week and my ex has put forward his position and wants 50/50 shared care and he wants our son to go into a nursery on his days during the week

i only work part time I do one night shift at the weekend when son is with his dad

I provide full time care all week for my son and son goes to dad for tea mid week after he finishes work

my worry is a judge will force me to take him to nursery half the week on dads time when I am available for him

the nursery he wants our son to go to is 30 minutes from my home approximately I know it’s in an area that’s at least this far from me, and I don’t drive so I would have to get a bus to take him to nursery on “dads days” I also don’t know the name of this nursery as he said it’s linked to his work and he gets discount but he hasn’t stated the name of the nursery to his solicitor (or they haven’t told me) so I won’t know this until we are in court (we do not have any communication me and dad so I can’t ask him)
do you think a judge would force my 18 month old son into nursery when I am available to care for him
can they force me to take him even though I am available to care for him

cafcass did not recommend 50/50 either

sorry this long post

Sorry I don't know the legalities of wether they could enforce that or not. BUT, surely if they did it would be taken into consideration that you don't drive and he does, therefore a nursery should be a one closer to you. Also you said it wouldn't be the same days each week. To be honest I can't see a nursery agreeing to that, so it might not happen any way. Would you still be able to hand over the child the way you are already? (I think it was through your sister) put that forward as an option.

Can people stop banging on about her working more hours ffs 🙄 it's not relevant to the post!

The nursery could be closer to her she doesn't know where it is. She's assuming that she has to travel.

• You know full well that due to your ‘current’ circumstances any sick day cover will fall to you - another argument against 5050 and should be a deciding factor of nursery/school being local to you. I expect it will also be the case with school holidays and you will be expected to cover them all.

Good point. When the child inevitably becomes ill with one thing after another because of being at nursery, I assume dad will be taking the time off work and staying home with the sick child on his days?

He does have unsupervised access to his child. He collects him from ops sister. In the family courts eyes he's not a danger. It takes two people to have an argument. They might fight like cat and dog when they see eachother and that's why the sister is involved for the handover. He works full time and she doesn't so it makes sense her being the main parent who looks after him.

It would be the Dad's responsibility and something you can bring up in court. How will he cover sick days, bank holidays, what is his plan if nursery doesn't have space? Does he realise he will need to pay for full time childcare to reserve the space. Does the nursery have a full time space? And the 'free hours' will only cover 15 hours per week, term time only. So 11 hours if stretched (only some nurseries do this). So he would effectively pay full price for almost 4 days every single week.

Who moved away OP or did you always live in your current locations?

Literally no one would ever suggest the school had to be closer to the dad because he didn’t drive!

Also just to clarify, you don't need to use nursery on your days. He would need to pay for the day but your DC doesn't have to attend. He may lose the space if your DC doesn't attend every week, but that is not your problem. And why set days would suit him better.

@Crackednuts I have to disagree with the "he works full time and she doesn't so it makes sense for her to be the main carer". I mean, that may well "make sense" in the context of a couple who can agree that. But not in the eyes of the law when the couple don't agree. I'm recently divorced and I worked part time and my wife worked full time. I did all the childcare, took all the sick days, and she did nothing except for work. When she left, she decided she could now be a proper parent and wanted 50/50, which I wasn't happy about but that's the way it went. And to be fair, it's worked out well for our child, who now has 2 involved parents. And I'm able to work more. Which is handy given that 50/50 means no child maintenance.

@ShyasminW I’d isn’t raft but do you have a lawyer for court.
Ypur argument is if other parent can’t parent the child then why does he what 50/50 wheh you are available and free to have your child as main cared . You fight the 50/50 based on stability for your child. .
This few days mum few days dad and mixed around is no good . You say that if dad is having child then it’s week on week off .
You are not there to facilitate dad’s life .

This is about your ds not your ex this is what your lawyer needs to get across.

You say your child will not be going to nursery on your day so your ex will have to organise something else for that handover day.

Op it is your child ypu tell your lawyer what you what to happen and they are there to fight your case .

A judge won’t make you put your child in nursery im not sure they have the right it’s a parents choice .
Although that is not something I know anything about tbh.

Would you not find it difficult to find positives in leaving a vulnerable baby with someone you had to phone the police on? Who wants 50/50, despite the recommendation that it doesn't happen? Who is not prioritising the welfare of your child? I certainly would.

I haven’t actually seen anything from the OP that states there is a recommendation that 50/50 doesn’t happen. And there has been no details beyond “police involved” so again it’s a judgment with no information to suggest it’s against the welfare of the child.

Even if I did need more work when he grows up then I could just do that, i could work when he grows up. I don’t need to work now and he doesn’t need to attend nursery, if I need to work when he grows up then work I shall. But at this point now why should he have to attend nursery when I am caring for him.

If your ex wants 50/50 shared custody that would mean he doesn't have to give you child maintenance. Is there a reason why you are being resistant?
Wouldn't it be better for your child to see more of his dad?

Because he doesn’t have 5050 and won’t be doing the sick days or school hols

And were cafcass and and the police also involved in your relationship? Because you’ve ignored that part.

She literally says that cafcass don’t recommend this. That means there’s a cafcass report.

@Crackednuts Are we reading the same thread? Have you just read the title and skipped the rest?

Why do people just take what they want from a post? I’m not working right now because my Dad left me an inheritance. I’m not claiming any benefits so as far as I’m concerned it’s no one else’s business and I wouldn’t ask anyone else why they don’t work more than they do. Maybe she’s got an OF and can earn in one weekend what another poster can earn doing 40 hours at minimum wage? Again, not the point of the post! Arrggghhhhh. Honestly people are mental! Someone else asked why she doesn’t want him to go to nursery?!? Imagine wanting to spend time with your child? And for them not to be poorly every 5 minutes because that’s what happens at nursery! Oh and all the calls you get to say they’re closing early because there’s an outbreak of something or ‘can you pick your child up, they’ve fallen / got a temperature’ I am starting to wonder who these people commenting are.

Don't you have a solicitor, OP?
You say you own your home outright so no housing costs, but if no/low savings and a low income, you might be eligible for legal aid.
Assume there has been some kind of domestic abuse given police involvement.
i would get a solicitor asap if you don't have one, and ask them.

He won't be seeing his dad if he's in nursery. The OP was about nursery, not about him seeing his dad

@OnceUponASausage CAFCASS and police weren't involved in my scenario, no, but from reading the thread, the involvement of CAFCASS and the police has not resulted in any recommendation that the father should not see his child so I don't see that as relevant to the OP's question. In the absence of a reason for shared care not being 50/50, the presumption is that it should be 50/50.

The cafcas report says someone other than op thinks it is not in the best interests of the child.

That’s quite vague though. A professional or someone close to the OP?

I’m just saying there’s really not a lot of information from the OP to claim the child is unsafe with the father! OP doesn’t seem to have said that either.

How would he be seeing more of his dad when he is at nursery ? Could you explain what you mean

It's that attitude that makes me question your motives. He has two parents and you shouldn't be dictating. You won't be doing your son any favours long term.

It’s not vague. the professional body, Cafcass, who are responsible for advising courts on the welfare of children and their best interests, put in their report that they do not recommend 5050 shared care. OP says this in her first post.

How much more clarity do you need?