Can a family court judge force my child into nurserh

[ShyasminW]

Please help I would be really grateful
I have a family court final hearing next week and my ex has put forward his position and wants 50/50 shared care and he wants our son to go into a nursery on his days during the week

i only work part time I do one night shift at the weekend when son is with his dad

I provide full time care all week for my son and son goes to dad for tea mid week after he finishes work

my worry is a judge will force me to take him to nursery half the week on dads time when I am available for him

the nursery he wants our son to go to is 30 minutes from my home approximately I know it’s in an area that’s at least this far from me, and I don’t drive so I would have to get a bus to take him to nursery on “dads days” I also don’t know the name of this nursery as he said it’s linked to his work and he gets discount but he hasn’t stated the name of the nursery to his solicitor (or they haven’t told me) so I won’t know this until we are in court (we do not have any communication me and dad so I can’t ask him)
do you think a judge would force my 18 month old son into nursery when I am available to care for him
can they force me to take him even though I am available to care for him

cafcass did not recommend 50/50 either

sorry this long post

That's not long term the op can not hold on to that. I understand when they are babies they need to be with their mother but as the child grows circumstances change.

Is no one reading the OPs posts !

She hasn't said her DC shouldn't see their father but rather she would prefer to look after the child during the day whilst the father is at work and the child would be at nursery.

CAFCASS has done a report saying it's not in the best interests of the child to do 50/50, so it probably won't happen.

She has a solicitor, but is stressed about the situation. She probably can't email the solicitor every 5 mins with her worries, so is on Mumsnet instead.

She has enough money to not work more, it's always nice to read on here when a mother has the means to support herself.

Her child is getting older and circumstances will change. Her child is no longer a baby and the father also has a say on what's best for their child.

How would he be seeing more of his dad when he is at nursery ? Could you explain what you mean

OP you are being defensive again.

You have to come up with the solutions - not ask others to explain.

You can not state you do not want dad involved, you need to explain why you think this plan isn’t in your child’s best interests.

You have had a lot of advice, and reading between the lines I think you are scared of this man.

You need to state facts - I am his mother and sole carer for 90% of the time, DC is thriving and happy - he has x routine, and I work round this to facilitate contact with his father.

Currently DC attends XYZ and is meeting Y milestones.

As I can not drive I don’t think it’s in DC best interests to have long days at nursery during my contact time as we have a routine and he’s thriving, there are currently XYZ

I am happy to continue with dropping DC at my sisters for EH to collect and drop off, if he chooses to place DC in nursery during his contact time I am happy for him to do so, however, we do need to discuss what happens when EH has to being in work early or DS is taken ill, how EH intends to collect DC and arrange relevant doctors appointments during his time.

Make a list

Do you think your ex really wants 50/50 and would be able to do everything that entails, like days off sick when DC is ill, doctor's and dental care on his days, up at night when baby won't sleep, focus on child before and after work on his days? Giving up own space and free and easy social life (love life) for DC's wellbeing? If the answer is no you just have to help your lawyer show the courts that your ex cannot and will not be a reliable parent. If you think your ex can do it and does want that then you likely won't have much say as to how he arranges care for the child on his days. However, you can say you are unable to travel to the childcare setting on your days so he will need to collect DC from you/your sister and drop him and nursery himself before work, and return him to you/your sister for handover. Again, if he really wants 50/50 this won't be a problem for him, as most of us would do any logistical thing to spend as much time as possible with our child.

Tbh I have seen the “free” hours you get and not seen a commercial nursery who doesn’t add on extras to subsidise what they lose on the “free” 15/30 hours.

Also if you wake up and it is dads day then dad needs to organise his child to get to b nursery if that is what he is insisting on

So you cannot answer your question with any relevant points, just diverting this to “my attitude” as you have nothing relevant to say

it’s not an attitude it’s simple facts dad works more and I don’t therefore available for our son more

you still haven’t answered the question

@ShyasminW Do you have a solicitor ?When is court?

Op are you not wanting him to go to nursery at all or just on the days where it inconveniences you?
If its the case you don't want him to go to the nursery at all and stays with you on the fathers days, its going to make it difficult for you as he would have to drop him off to you via third party in the mornings then collect him again after, work which would mean you would have to pick him up and drop him off to the third party again on those days too.

Have you read the OP? She isn't, she is understandably worried about possibly having to take him to a nursery of his father's choosing that is not convenient for her home when her husband is supposed to be caring for him.

You don't know where the nursery is. What if he comes with a nursery that's closer to you. Your ex travels to your sisters so why wouldn't he travel to the nursery he does it anyway. At least you won't inconvenience your sister anymore. Your son is getting older you have to find a middle ground. If you don't want to take him on your days then fair enough say that but you don't want him to go at all. You want control of when your ex can have your son. There are men out there who show no interest and walk away he isn't he wants to know his son. You're not sounding reasonable and as he gets older you will have issues with your son. I've watched bitter ex's and the poor children are in the middle. It comes across as if you don't want his dad to have a say you hate him.

If you agree to 5050 no one can say nothing to you. Not your son or the court.

I don’t want him in nursery because I care for him ex husband has tea night now in the week anyway, so I don’t understand why court would just give ex H days in the week. I am hoping court just allow son to stay with me majority of the week I don’t see the point of removing son from my care just for him to be in nursery as ex H isn’t gaining extra time directly with our son he’s just asking for him to attend nursery instead of staying with me. Would be for 2 days a week he would attend nursery. I am just posting these what if scenarios I like to hear other peoples experiences and get some advice from people

thank you for replying to me

Lots of parents put their children into nursery. I put my oldest into nursery when I wasn't working a couple of days a week. The rest of my children I didn't. Thinking about it now there was a difference in how ready they were for school between the one who went to nursery and the ones who didn't. My kids were bored stiff being at home with me. Thinking back I would have done things differently.

I don’t just sit at home we attend lots of groups and classes 4 different ones the same days per week as it’s good for my social life as well

My sister travels to me ex husband collects from my house

also my ex husband sees son regularly more than once weekly after he finishes work he collects from my house and my sister is there.

why would it better for my son to now attend nursery ??

answer this question and this question only stop trying to argue with me, please tell me how my ex husband is spending more time with our son when he is at nursery

You are so rude
what is that meant to mean do I want him to be like me, i would hope my son is very much like me I am a nice person

Why has this straightforward thread inspired so much plain nastiness?
OP you make a logical case and I’m sure the judge will understand

It’s not about which is better though! It’s about both parent having parental responsibility to make decisions for their child. You get to decide what happens on your time but the flip he gets to decide on his.
One might decide to feed a child a happy meal one night vs the other cooking a homemade meal, but it’s still not up to the other parent.
Ive never been heard of a parent being refused more contact time because they work and the child will be in nursery or after school club!
You would have better luck going down the safety concerns route if you don’t want 50/50 or think it isn’t in your child’s best interest than focusing on the nursery thing.

Because he needs to learn to socialise, interact and communicate with other children.

My mum is a reception year teacher, has been all her working life. She says there is a very marked difference in terms of ability to learn between the kids who arrive at school having had a year or two in nursery - used to a "classroom" setting, able to sit down, go to the toilet unaided, etc, and those who have been at home in the sole care of a parent.

OP you're just not focusing on the issue a judge will look at. The presumption is 50/50 shared care. Despite police and CAFCASS prior involvement they don't seem to have suggested that the father should not have more time. How he manages whatever time the court gives him is up to him and isn't determined on the basis of whether or not you're "free" to provide childcare. If you have concerns about his ability to care for your child which aren't based on the fact he has a full time job, that would be the point to focus on, not nursery.

OP this makes no sense. If DC wakes up with you on dad’s day, then why not ask for the regular handover time to be 4pm or something? So then DC spends the day with you and then your sister (or whoever) facilitates the handover at 4pm. No reason why handover should be in the morning. When your DC is in school the handover will likely be school finish time anyway.

I presume dad will still see DC after he finishes work, do his bedtime etc. That’s important bonding time between dad and DC. Nursery sets a child up for school, means they don’t get suddenly separated from you when school age arrives. It’s a valid step. Try to see the benefits - DC spends half his week with you and then a couple of days in nursery. Surely that’s a good thing?

You being available to look after DC because you’re fortunate enough to not need to work is not a valid reason to not send them to nursery. Nursery has its benefits and dad can argue that. They are unlikely to force you to take him if it’s logistically difficult for you, but will be looking for a compromise from both parties. It’s not likely to stop 50:50 being granted.

You talk about the police but you don’t say if there are charges and who they are against. If it’s NFA then it’s irrelevant anyway.

It depends exactly what cafcass have said with regard to 50:50 as to whether the court will follow it. If cafcass actively disagree with 50:50 and state reasons why then the court will probably listen. If cafcass are open to 50:50 but don’t specifically recommend it then it could go either way.

You could try a counter offer of slowly building up to 50:50 by the time your child goes to school. Perhaps 1 extra night a fortnight, building to an extra night a week in 6 months time etc.

All of the above is from my recent experience in family court. All judges/magistrates are different though.