Can a family court judge force my child into nurserh

[ShyasminW]

Please help I would be really grateful
I have a family court final hearing next week and my ex has put forward his position and wants 50/50 shared care and he wants our son to go into a nursery on his days during the week

i only work part time I do one night shift at the weekend when son is with his dad

I provide full time care all week for my son and son goes to dad for tea mid week after he finishes work

my worry is a judge will force me to take him to nursery half the week on dads time when I am available for him

the nursery he wants our son to go to is 30 minutes from my home approximately I know it’s in an area that’s at least this far from me, and I don’t drive so I would have to get a bus to take him to nursery on “dads days” I also don’t know the name of this nursery as he said it’s linked to his work and he gets discount but he hasn’t stated the name of the nursery to his solicitor (or they haven’t told me) so I won’t know this until we are in court (we do not have any communication me and dad so I can’t ask him)
do you think a judge would force my 18 month old son into nursery when I am available to care for him
can they force me to take him even though I am available to care for him

cafcass did not recommend 50/50 either

sorry this long post

They cannot force me to take my son anywhere handovers are either carried out when my sister drops my son or he collects from my house but my sister is there. You are misunderstanding

That likely won't be feasible at 8am though and you'll likely have to work eventually.

Do you think it’s realistic for your sister to be available at every single hand over, several times a week for the next 12-14 years?

Why will I likely have to work
you don’t even know me

Sorry i thought you'd want to contribute to society in a meaningful way. Silly assumption I suppose.

Yes

or I have other family willing to help

also 12 /14 years I might have a new husband who could help me

You don’t know me or anything about my family it’s like people want nothing to work for me and this situation
I asked for a bit of advice that’s all

Your new husband won't change the rights your ex has over his child or your responsibility to not alienate your child from their father.

I wouldn't, given the choice!

Jealousy isn’t a good luck

Just dropping back in to reiterate to @ShyasminW that her availability to provide childcare is not a factor a family court judge will consider weighs against the child's right to have an equal relationship with his father (who, despite repeated mentions of CAFCASS and Police involvement, has not had it recommended that he should not see his child - ONLY that because of the toxic relationship between the parents, handovers should occur on neutral ground. That is not a finding of abuse by the father. That's a common result of relationship breakdown.)

If it's 50-50 then the dad has the right to put him in nursery on his days, but he'd also be responsible for transporting him to and from there.
On your days you can choose to care for him at home or a different form of childcare.
But they can't make you do things for the kid on his days, and equally he has the right to put him in nursery on them.

Where do you pull your information from are you a family court judge? How is me caring for my son stopping him have a relationship with his father he sees is father regularly this issue is about nursery and that’s all. You know nothing

They haven’t said handovers occur on a neutral ground at all, why am I even arguing with such small minded and very nasty people

@ShyasminW I'm a lawyer, as I explained. I know a bit about the law as a result. You seem to have forgotten that earlier up this thread I made a suggestion as to a proposal you could make re increasing dad's contact time, which you thought helpful.

You seem totally closed to any view or suggestion that doesn't accord with what you want. What you want is unlikely to be the outcome. You can take advice or, as they say, "fuck about and find out".

not really the type of language a “lawyer uses”
the fact I can provide childcare when my ex H is working doesn’t for one second prevent my son having a living relationship with him. If you was a lawyer and have actually read this then you would know that.

Good luck to you my dear

OP your argument you are around to provide childcare will be countered by the argument nursery is not just childcare it's education. People saying this to you are not trying to upset you or argue with you it's just stating how this will be seen in court.

If you react in court how you have reacted on this post it will not look good for you. You need to stay calm and child focused. Everything you want has to be backed up with why that's best for the child. Family court is supposed to be focused on what is best for the child NOT either parents wishes or preference. And the assumption is that a child is best served by 50/50 unless you can prove ex is a danger to the child you can't stop this. All you can do it argue for a nursery near you/you not required to travel/a set pattern for contact. If you were working or saying you will work then that's an argument for a set pattern to contact as it will be seen as best for the child you can provide financially and set a good example. The fact you are financially comfortable and are adamant you won't work more actually works against you getting what you want.

You could argue for a slow increase being best for the child. As you are currently primary cater and child so your suddenly going 50/50 will be a negative experience. But this won't delay it long. I managed to delay this way with my abusive ex when he was demanding 50/50 and during that time he changed his mind and opted for every other weekend perhaps when he realised how much childcare costs and how hard work a baby actually is. But if your ex genuinely wants a relationship of 50/50 and isn't just trying to save maintenance you won't be able to delay forever. If his motives are to upset you then you need to grey rock him. Don't let him see how much this bothers you. Maybe he won't get a kick out of it if you don't react. Another thing my ex did was as soon as he realised I was using his contact to work without childcare costs he started cancelling his contact last minute to mess up my ability to work. The court order still stands my ex 'won' but he's learnt he fucks up my life as much by cancelling as he does by having the kids and having them is too much work- but his motivation was financial to reduce his maintenance

Yes, nursery is part of socialising education but so are the groups This child goes to 4 times a week it seems.

I was told years ago the judge rarely goes against CAFCASS..

so look at what works .. you need to be looking forward at school .

what I would say . You are financially stable .. use the money to have the best legal advice .

You don’t share the details but the fact the police are involved suggests it isn’t a man I would be wanting to hand my child over to 50 % of the time .

i also doubt he is getting free childcare from his mate … nurseries are struggling- they don’t just give free nursery care to mates .

Get the best legal advice you can . Get second opinions .

i don’t think your 30 minute bus ride will be the deciding factor

Either you're deliberately being goady here or you genuinely don't understand so let me spell this out for you... nursery is great for kids to socialise with their peers, learn to build relationships, and establish independence. My two started at 2 mornings a week from the age of 1, even though they had a SAHM.
A judge will do what's right for your child, and it sounds like nursery may be the right solution.

Father can do exactly as he pleases on his days - end of. And actually, if he's working, of course he's going to put his child in nursery on his days. Fair play to him.
OP - don't see why you feel father should work ft but you only work a little? How many hours do you do currently? Your son is equally your financial responsibility.
In the unlikely event it did go 50/50 (only unlikely if Cafcass have advised no), then you would receive no maintenance from father.

everychildmatters
I think the issue is that on dads day he might want child to be in nursery but he isn’t prepared to take child to nursery.

You don’t expect or want your sister to have her own life? She’s never going to go on holiday? Change her work schedule? Get ill? Move house?
It’s not realistic for her to be available for every handover forever. And getting a new partner to do it when is hardly going to be the ideal choice. If you and your ex can’t meet to hand over your child why would he meet your new partner with the child?

not really the type of language a “lawyer uses”

Oh this made me laugh. Are all lawyers supposed to not swear and use RP English?