Can a family court judge force my child into nurserh

[ShyasminW]

Please help I would be really grateful
I have a family court final hearing next week and my ex has put forward his position and wants 50/50 shared care and he wants our son to go into a nursery on his days during the week

i only work part time I do one night shift at the weekend when son is with his dad

I provide full time care all week for my son and son goes to dad for tea mid week after he finishes work

my worry is a judge will force me to take him to nursery half the week on dads time when I am available for him

the nursery he wants our son to go to is 30 minutes from my home approximately I know it’s in an area that’s at least this far from me, and I don’t drive so I would have to get a bus to take him to nursery on “dads days” I also don’t know the name of this nursery as he said it’s linked to his work and he gets discount but he hasn’t stated the name of the nursery to his solicitor (or they haven’t told me) so I won’t know this until we are in court (we do not have any communication me and dad so I can’t ask him)
do you think a judge would force my 18 month old son into nursery when I am available to care for him
can they force me to take him even though I am available to care for him

cafcass did not recommend 50/50 either

sorry this long post

You won’t be shuttling him -that’s on your ex. He has a much right as you to make childcare arrangements. And you should be working longer hours than one weekend shift!

So you could propose:

EOW Fri-Sun nights, return son Mon morning;

In the week after he's had son for the weekend, Weds and Fri teatime;

In the week after he has not had son for the weekend, Mon and Weds teatime.

That would mean that son never goes more than 2 days without seeing dad. Which would be appropriate at this young age. Would make you look reasonable to propose this, as opposed to looking like a parent trying to obstruct the father's relationship with his child.

Only one of my posts have been deleted I was out of line. Mumsnet did the right thing deleting it my tongue can be a bit sharp. I am sorry I don't agree with how you are treating your ex you both created a child together and you both need to parent that child. 18 years is a long time for argument's and disagreements. Your poor child will be stuck in the middle of your bitterness towards eachother. If you are that concerned then speak to your solicitor and ask them to help you keep it at 80/20. You wouldn't be on here complaining if you thought you would get your own way.

What? Someone should work just because you say so?

What arrant nonsense. If someone has no need to work and can afford to keep themselves, and doesn't want to work, it's no business of yours what they do with their time.

She doesn't have to work.

I’m not complaining I am just asking g for advice and wanting to hear other peoples experiences a solicitor cannot guarantee anything so I just wanted to hear form some other women
you don’t know how my ex husband is towards me

If it was a dad on here with majority care of a child asking about how he could retain that in the face of the mother wanting increased contact, he'd be shot down in flames. Despite mention of police and CAFCASS involvement, the OP has not said that there's been any finding of abuse or other reason why the kid should not see his dad more, other than "the parents don't get on". You can have the cuntiest relationship possible as adults but why should that mean your child doesn't get an equal relationship with each parent? Ideally, the adults should work to improve their relationship as co-parents to facilitate that for the child they - together - brought into the world. Not battle it out in court to "prove" who is the primary parent.

Op doesn't have to work & is therefore available to look after her son.

Why wouldn't his father want that for his son?

He doesn't have to worry about getting to nursery/work or his child being ill!

It really is shit imo that he would want to take that away from his son rather than pay for him!

Is he a good father to his son?
If he is then that's all that matters. Most breakups ends bitterly and takes years to find common ground especially when children are involved. That's what family court is all about it's for those people who don't see eye to eye.

Thank you this actually would work really well I think I’m going to discuss with my solicitor
I am glad I posted now. so ex H can see son when he finishes work and instead of him going to childcare during the day he can stay with me, but he can spend two nights after work in the week with dad (when it’s not dads weekend) the following week he can have midweek tea and dad has whole weekend

The punishment is the process OP. What he gains out of this is taking your child away from you and causing you emotional harm. The family courts like to go along with this so the man gets to continue to emotionally abuse from a distance.

Difference was you made a ‘choice’ the OP isn’t choosing this, she is having this dictated to her.

Don't throw more smoke in the fire. If the op says on her days he stays at home with her and on his days he can go to nursery if that's what he wants for his son. That's not being unreasonable your comment is over the top.

It works both ways she is dictating to him he is dictating to her. It's all swings and merry go rounds.

It’s not forcing a child into nursery, it’s each parent gets to decide what they view is in the best interest of the child on their time.
Working enjoy a reason against 50/50 parenting. You’re way too hung up on nursery being bad and not in your child’s interest but that’s not how the court will see it. One parent choosing not to work isn’t a reason for them to be the main parent over the other, that’s not how it works.
The court won’t be forcing your child to go to nursery, it will be the child’s father making the decision.

The court will want to know what ex H is doing with son when he is working

No, that isn’t a reason against 50/50. Just as your kids aren’t taken off you if you are still together and work full time. The child could attend nursery, a childminder, go to a granny or a combination of all three, none of that goes against contact time.

this is just making it about what us as parents want I’m not saying my son cannot see his father at all I’m just saying when he’s working I can care for him

all this talk of my days and his days we can decide what happens is not in the best interests of our son. Children are not our property

They look at what’s in the best interest of children not what parents want

She’s asked you to stop posting, and yet you continue. I am reporting your posts. I feel this is quite serious trolling.

@EvangelicalAboutButteredToast so a father wanting to have more time with his kid is only motivated by a desire to "abuse" the mother? Jesus. How about: two people decide to have a child, they break up, and then they both want an equal relationship with THEIR child?

If the father feels nursery is beneficial for his son then why are you so against it. Like you said he's not your property. Why wouldn't nursery benefit your son?

Please can you leave me alone why are you arguing with me

Exactly though, the child is just yours and he’s not just your version of his best interest that matter, the dad’s view matters too.

You can't control what someone posts it's an open forum. I am giving my opinion and the op doesn't have to read. I have already said that Mumsnet did the right thing deleting that post. To follow all my posts to get them deleted is another form of troll hunting.