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Heartbroken that I’ve caused my DS10 embarrassment

234 replies

TerribleMum10 · 03/02/2025 15:43

NC because I've caused him enough humiliation without anybody on here who may know us in RL finding out.

My eldest DS is 10, nearly 11, and in Y6. Last night him and DS2 (just 9) were playing up something terrible when they were supposed to be in bed and going to sleep. Sneaking into each others rooms, in and out of the bathroom, winding each other up and generally just getting on my last nerve. They're not bad lads at all, the eldest in particular has really matured over the past 18 months so acting out like that was quite out of character. Not sure what caused it, maybe just caught his brother's silliness and lost control a bit, but either way they pushed me to the edge and after asking them calmly but firmly at least half a dozen times I'm afraid I did lose my cool and shout . Not something I ever usually resort to, and not something I'm proud of, but I made it very clear how angry they'd made me and that neither of them was to leave their room again until it was time to get up.

It seemed to do the trick, not another peep.

Of course by this morning I'd calmed down, and decided not to bring it up again. What's done is done, it's in the past and today's a new day and all that. DS1 was already up and dressed in his uniform when I went into wake him, which surprised me a little especially after the late night they'd ended up having, but it's not totally unheard of for him to wake early and amuse himself with a book so I didn't think much of it and we went on with our morning. DS2 was much harder to wake, and a little grumpy through being overtired, but nevertheless we were ready to head out to school on time. Just as we were heading out of the door DS1 remembered something he'd forgotten to pick up from his room and dashed upstairs for a minute.

After dropping them off at school I went to gather laundry from their rooms, and found a scribbled note on top of DS1's duvet which just said "Sorry Mum". Pulling the covers back, to my horror I found his sheets soaked with his PJs and pants screwed up in the middle. My poor boy had wet the bed!

Now DS doesn't have even occasional accidents and I honestly can't remember the last time he wet the bed, he must have been 5 or maybe even younger. And of course this was my fault, I'd lost my temper and forbidden them from leaving their rooms. I won't lie, I burst into tears when I realised what had happened and my heart absolutely broke for him that I'd caused this to happen.

I've been beating myself up all day about it, I can't imagine how embarrassed he must have been feeling this morning and despite that he actually wrote me a note to say sorry!

They're at an after school club at the moment, I'll be picking them up in an hour and I just want to give him a big hug and say how sorry I am, but I'm not sure how I'm going to do that without bursting into tears and without drawing DS2's attention to what happened too.

I just feel like a terrible mum! Yes they were playing me up, but I caused my son to be humiliated and that's on me.

I don't know what I'm looking for posting this, just an outlet I think to try and gather my thoughts and hopefully decide how to approach it and how to make sure I can never cause something like this again.

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
DemeraraAbyss · 03/02/2025 19:00

In terms of embarrassing your son - over the next few years, especially at secondary school, you will discover you embarrass your son just by existing.

Bbq1 · 03/02/2025 19:01

I mean at almost 11 he would know that you didn't literally mean that he shouldn't leave his room. I can't imagine that he was ao consumed by fear that he would be shouted at for using the toilet he he just lay there and wet himself. Maybe it was a one off that happened when he was asleep..

lovemetomybones · 03/02/2025 19:06

Thebellofstclements · 03/02/2025 18:39

I'd be pretty annoyed that my child had wet the bed and not told me. The stench.
You sound like the wettest of wet lettuce leaves and need to get a grip.

What a nasty thing to say

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

lovemetomybones · 03/02/2025 19:08

This reply has been deleted

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

Lovely idea

Bbq1 · 03/02/2025 19:10

MaMoosie · 03/02/2025 17:34

My 10 year old does her own washing regardless. But yes, I wouldn’t be doing that for them why the fuck would I? They’re 10 not 3.

Love the posters who claim on here that their child does things like their own laundry at 10 and cooks a 3 course meal at 8 years old. Irl this doesn't happen because... well... It doesn't happen...

SouthLondonMum22 · 03/02/2025 19:12

Bbq1 · 03/02/2025 19:10

Love the posters who claim on here that their child does things like their own laundry at 10 and cooks a 3 course meal at 8 years old. Irl this doesn't happen because... well... It doesn't happen...

Putting a wash on is simple. Why couldn't a 10 year old do their own laundry?

comoatoupeira · 03/02/2025 19:14

People on here are very old school in their parenting aren’t they?

Goldenbear · 03/02/2025 19:15

trivialMorning · 03/02/2025 17:58

Of course parent don't get it right all the time - but telling OP telling her misbehaving 10 year old off or her having expectations that he'd go to bed when told are too high is fucking insane and frankly unpleasant bullshit.

I have successful teens as well (incidentally my current A-level one is also on tack for A* and A - so that' not the impressive flex you think it is ) but in my social circle it was the parents scared of saying no - who thought indulgence was the same as an emotional connection who come a cropper in teens years.

Maybe your circle was different - but it's still fucking shit that posters are having a go at OP for doing what most normal parents do ie telling off misbehaving kid - she did nothing wrong here - and shouldn't be made to feel like she has.

Edited

I don't think she did anything wrong in telling off her DC but equally I would feel like her and question whether my instructions led to that situation and I would feel upset about it.

I used the A level reference as these are often the only metrics certain parents understand when they refer to success and without questions they think it's down to their amazing micro management of their children.

Moonshower · 03/02/2025 19:20

Oh OP I feel for you! I would have had the same reaction and felt awful if I had inadvertently caused it by saying you can’t leave the room.

Sorry about some of the PP, seems some people might have got out of the wrong side of the bed or maybe even a wet bed too this morning.

I like the idea of leaving a note saying sorry mum on a clean bed and then really discussing it. If anything happens again I would maybe get them both to use the loo then put them to bed and say they can come out to use the toilet only.

Goldenbear · 03/02/2025 19:21

Thebellofstclements · 03/02/2025 18:39

I'd be pretty annoyed that my child had wet the bed and not told me. The stench.
You sound like the wettest of wet lettuce leaves and need to get a grip.

You are clearly on the wind up, no kids at all, like I would say many on this thread.

Bbq1 · 03/02/2025 19:23

@SouthLondonMum22 I didn't say a 10 year old couldn't switch a machine on I said that irl, they don't do a whole laundry cycle. Parents tend to look after their kids. Chores is one thing if that's your bag but a child doing their laundry as standard is most definitely not the norm and doesn't happen irl.

SouthLondonMum22 · 03/02/2025 19:26

Bbq1 · 03/02/2025 19:23

@SouthLondonMum22 I didn't say a 10 year old couldn't switch a machine on I said that irl, they don't do a whole laundry cycle. Parents tend to look after their kids. Chores is one thing if that's your bag but a child doing their laundry as standard is most definitely not the norm and doesn't happen irl.

Teaching a child some responsibility and independence is part of looking after them.

I just don't see the big deal.

Goldenbear · 03/02/2025 19:28

SouthLondonMum22 · 03/02/2025 19:12

Putting a wash on is simple. Why couldn't a 10 year old do their own laundry?

I mean, most 10 year olds could do many things if shown, didn't they used to go up Chimneys in Victorian Britain! The point is, why do you want them to spend even more of their life having boring, adult tasks to do! I would go against all my nurturing instincts to insist on this.

SouthLondonMum22 · 03/02/2025 19:28

Goldenbear · 03/02/2025 19:21

You are clearly on the wind up, no kids at all, like I would say many on this thread.

Just because people disagree with you, it means they don't have kids?

MaMoosie · 03/02/2025 19:28

Bbq1 · 03/02/2025 19:23

@SouthLondonMum22 I didn't say a 10 year old couldn't switch a machine on I said that irl, they don't do a whole laundry cycle. Parents tend to look after their kids. Chores is one thing if that's your bag but a child doing their laundry as standard is most definitely not the norm and doesn't happen irl.

How absurd that you think pressing a button on a washing machine is such a huge feat for a ten year old. Most 10 year old are able to operate Xboxes, PlayStations and iPads without much difficulty and I bet you wouldn’t bat an eye at that. Those things are far more complicated and they’re not exactly an important life skill.

CluelessAsFuck · 03/02/2025 19:30

Heartbroken seems a bit OTT here. Talk it out - move on.

Goldenbear · 03/02/2025 19:30

SouthLondonMum22 · 03/02/2025 19:28

Just because people disagree with you, it means they don't have kids?

No because that poster is incredibly rude to the OP, for no reason whatsoever.

Goldenbear · 03/02/2025 19:31

SouthLondonMum22 · 03/02/2025 19:28

Just because people disagree with you, it means they don't have kids?

A bit defensive there.

SouthLondonMum22 · 03/02/2025 19:32

Goldenbear · 03/02/2025 19:28

I mean, most 10 year olds could do many things if shown, didn't they used to go up Chimneys in Victorian Britain! The point is, why do you want them to spend even more of their life having boring, adult tasks to do! I would go against all my nurturing instincts to insist on this.

Because shoving some laundry in the washing machine barely takes any time and is a simple, easy thing to learn.

They will also have to do these boring, adult tasks one day. Far too many kids, especially boys grow up to be adults expecting others to do everything for them.

SouthLondonMum22 · 03/02/2025 19:33

Goldenbear · 03/02/2025 19:31

A bit defensive there.

Not at all. Just find it amusing that disagreement = you can't possibly have kids.

Goldenbear · 03/02/2025 19:35

SouthLondonMum22 · 03/02/2025 19:32

Because shoving some laundry in the washing machine barely takes any time and is a simple, easy thing to learn.

They will also have to do these boring, adult tasks one day. Far too many kids, especially boys grow up to be adults expecting others to do everything for them.

Do they though, can't you just do it when you have to or when you are no longer a child, it's not hard to learn how to put a wash on and hang it out. I didn't do my laundry at 10 and just got on with it when I had to, like cooking, like cleaning, these things aren't intellectually challenging.

SouthLondonMum22 · 03/02/2025 19:39

Goldenbear · 03/02/2025 19:35

Do they though, can't you just do it when you have to or when you are no longer a child, it's not hard to learn how to put a wash on and hang it out. I didn't do my laundry at 10 and just got on with it when I had to, like cooking, like cleaning, these things aren't intellectually challenging.

Yet so many men apparently just can't ''see'' mess, can't cook and don't do their own washing.

There's nothing wrong with teaching a 10 year old that everyone chips in and does chores because that's what you do as part of a family, it isn't just all left for mum to do.

bodychanges · 03/02/2025 19:39

TerribleMum10 · 03/02/2025 15:43

NC because I've caused him enough humiliation without anybody on here who may know us in RL finding out.

My eldest DS is 10, nearly 11, and in Y6. Last night him and DS2 (just 9) were playing up something terrible when they were supposed to be in bed and going to sleep. Sneaking into each others rooms, in and out of the bathroom, winding each other up and generally just getting on my last nerve. They're not bad lads at all, the eldest in particular has really matured over the past 18 months so acting out like that was quite out of character. Not sure what caused it, maybe just caught his brother's silliness and lost control a bit, but either way they pushed me to the edge and after asking them calmly but firmly at least half a dozen times I'm afraid I did lose my cool and shout . Not something I ever usually resort to, and not something I'm proud of, but I made it very clear how angry they'd made me and that neither of them was to leave their room again until it was time to get up.

It seemed to do the trick, not another peep.

Of course by this morning I'd calmed down, and decided not to bring it up again. What's done is done, it's in the past and today's a new day and all that. DS1 was already up and dressed in his uniform when I went into wake him, which surprised me a little especially after the late night they'd ended up having, but it's not totally unheard of for him to wake early and amuse himself with a book so I didn't think much of it and we went on with our morning. DS2 was much harder to wake, and a little grumpy through being overtired, but nevertheless we were ready to head out to school on time. Just as we were heading out of the door DS1 remembered something he'd forgotten to pick up from his room and dashed upstairs for a minute.

After dropping them off at school I went to gather laundry from their rooms, and found a scribbled note on top of DS1's duvet which just said "Sorry Mum". Pulling the covers back, to my horror I found his sheets soaked with his PJs and pants screwed up in the middle. My poor boy had wet the bed!

Now DS doesn't have even occasional accidents and I honestly can't remember the last time he wet the bed, he must have been 5 or maybe even younger. And of course this was my fault, I'd lost my temper and forbidden them from leaving their rooms. I won't lie, I burst into tears when I realised what had happened and my heart absolutely broke for him that I'd caused this to happen.

I've been beating myself up all day about it, I can't imagine how embarrassed he must have been feeling this morning and despite that he actually wrote me a note to say sorry!

They're at an after school club at the moment, I'll be picking them up in an hour and I just want to give him a big hug and say how sorry I am, but I'm not sure how I'm going to do that without bursting into tears and without drawing DS2's attention to what happened too.

I just feel like a terrible mum! Yes they were playing me up, but I caused my son to be humiliated and that's on me.

I don't know what I'm looking for posting this, just an outlet I think to try and gather my thoughts and hopefully decide how to approach it and how to make sure I can never cause something like this again.

w

arcticpandas · 03/02/2025 19:40

SouthLondonMum22 · 03/02/2025 19:32

Because shoving some laundry in the washing machine barely takes any time and is a simple, easy thing to learn.

They will also have to do these boring, adult tasks one day. Far too many kids, especially boys grow up to be adults expecting others to do everything for them.

I want my kids to enjoy being kids. Surely I will teach them how to do a laundry but at 11 I just expect him to tidy his room and do his homework. All the boring adult stuff will come soon enough, no need for him to be Cinderella..

Bbq1 · 03/02/2025 19:40

SouthLondonMum22 · 03/02/2025 19:26

Teaching a child some responsibility and independence is part of looking after them.

I just don't see the big deal.

If course, I agree they need to be given responsibility and independence but appropriate to their age. Teaching them to do their own laundry regularly at 10 is overkill and they are still only young. Helping with the laundry is fine but caring for their own laundry needs entirely, no.
Making them wash wet sheets is also very unfeeling.
There's a huge disparity between the parents who claim their child does a lot of housework and cooking etc and those who won't let a 14 year old walk 5 mins to the shop unaccompanied. There is a happy medium.
I don't think it's a big deal, i just don't believe most the claims that 10 year olds manage their own laundry, that's all

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