Am I being taken advantage of (babysitting)?

[Subby]

My sister-in-law (who lives away) occasionally comes to visit my wife with her young daughter. She always comes without her husband who does not want to visit. We have 2 similar aged kids so it's an opportunity for the kids to get together and play.

Every now and then my wife and sister-in-law will want to go for the day and leave me on my own with the 3 kids. Obviously I have no problem looking after my own kids but I feel I am being taken advantage of when I have to look after my sister-in-law's child as her husband refuses to come down and she will not even ask him to look after their own child while she is down visiting. I mentioned this to my wife and she ending up flipping it around to make me feel like I was being unreasonable.

Am I being unreasonable or do I have a point?

No it hasn't gone off on a tangent. You weren't clear at all.

You've said Am I being taken advance of?
And I feel I'm being taken advantage of.

You're wife is right, how your family treat your children is completely different to how your brother in law treats his child with your sister in law.

You don't want to babysit your child's cousin 2 or 3 times a year for a few hours. But you're trying to move the goal posts and say its an issue with your brother in laws parenting. Why has this presented itself when you are babysitting?

No what op has said is that his brother in law wouldn't do it so why should he. He wants to be more like the bil and not himself.

@Choccyscofffy respectfully, I disagree with your comment on my post. Sometimes, looking after your own kids involves looking after other people's children, unless your own children never have and friends or play dates outside of school.

I think looking after your niece isn't the issue, it's the assumption that you will do it without checking. I would raise it calmly to your wife that she needs to discuss dates when her sister is coming down and can you look after your children and her child.

I would imagine your SIL brings her daughter so she can maintain a relationship with her cousins. This is also beneficial to your children too, one day they will be without us as parents and the more close relationships they have, the better. Not that this is guaranteed but if they don't see each other as kids, then they are very unlikely to be close as adults.

Forget whether BIL is taking responsibility, if it's 2-3 times a year then it's hardly regular and noone else's business.

We always check rather than assume the other person will look after the kids. It's not a big ceremony just a quick "are you ok to look after the kids while I..."

I assumed that was normal - it just feels like common courtesy to me.

And I think the SIL definitely needs to ask and say thank you to the OP for the childcare, again this doesn't have to be a big deal but not even asking him feels really entitled to me

I'm in agreement that it's not excessive and it's great that you are allowing wife and SIL time without the kids. But I do think a big part of his point is that it is assumed that he will do it without being asked. I would be miffed with that tbh

I understand. I think you're saying, you're not refusing to look after SIL's child, you do it even though it is just expected. You just would just prefer some form of acknowledgement from your wife that your SIL's husband doesn't even seem to be a consideration when looking after his own child, let alone offering to have yours while wife and SIL go out or show any interest in interacting with them, or you, you're family too! I also believe you are saying you would like the courtesy of being asked as opposed to it being assumed you will babysit. This doesn't necessarily mean you don't want to or enjoy it, even.
I don't think you're unreasonable at all, you're just looking for some courtesy and understanding. Other posts on this thread seem to get much more sympathy, and some of those people have actually refused to do similarly to what you have done, it's a little strange to me.

Edit: Devils advocate... Maybe your Wife and SIL are embarrassed by the SIL's behaviour, his unwillingness to spend time with own child and so they don't want to ask you to have the kids so that it doesn't come up in conversation "where is (husband)?" Or your wife gets defensive. I don't know possibly not, just a thought.

I think the issue is with you and your wife. Her assuming you'll be free to babysit bit asking nicely so that she gets child free time with her sister. But this is only unreasonable if you never to similar to her - do you expect her to pick up the slack if you want to spend one on one time with a friend chances are she'll be doing a birthday party run or play date supervising some of those days?

You could also ask directly 'can you go to her next time , with the kids, so I can get a child free chill out day like bil does when she comes here' that's a reasonable ask and then it's up to them if they ask bil to babysit or not.

These children are your nieces/nephews and your own children's cousins. 2/3 times a year so your wife can spend time with her sister. Stop being an asshole. You should be glad that your SIL trusts you to care for them. Yabu

You can't change how her husband behaves. No-one is taking advantage of you. It's a compliment that your SiL considers you a safe and capable carer when her own partner is clearly unreliable. Don't focus on him. Enjoy your time with the children and they will make nice memories of you for the future.

2/3 times a year your wife spends some time with her sister and you take on an extra child? No. Absolutely no advantage taking in sight.

that SIL husband would not reciprocate just shows that he is a bad parent and spouse.

Would you prefer he comes too and you and the kids hang out together while your wives go out?
Maybe your wife can visit them with your kids and give you a night off too. A few times a year sounds easy peasy though

2/3 times per year caring for three children (two of whom are yours) which allows your children to bond with their cousin and your wife to have some time with her sister. Nothing about that is unreasonable, your attitude is unreasonable.