9yr old has just started her periods and I’m gutted for her.

[KelmenaBallerina]

My 9yr old has got her first period on New Year’s Eve. She turned 9 in September and I feel like she’s just been stripped of what remaining childhood she had left. Only 2 weeks ago we were seeing Santa. Physically her body has changed a lot the past year and she’s really tall for her age. But mentally I just don’t think she’s mature enough. It’s been really heavy as well. I’ve had to be with her while changing pads and show her exactly what to do and how to stay clean. She won’t wear period pants as says they are too tight. I’ve told her they need to be tighter than normal knickers to keep everything in.
she’s back to school on Tuesday so I’m really hoping she will be almost finished. But I don’t think she will even go to school next month when it happens. I really have no idea how she’s going to handle this. I feel so sorry for my baby. Any advice would be appreciated.

You're absolutely right, it is a lot for a 9 year old. It is such a shame. I think trying to play it down will help her not to panic about it but I understand why you're gutted and I would be too plus then there's the thinking around how to manage it with school etc. I doubt many primary schools have bins for pads etc or that many of her peers are going through the same thing. I think it's fine to miss some school especially on the heavier days. Speak to the school to see what they suggest. Obviously you want to avoid any disasters like leaking etc happening as that will be upsetting for her and could really affect her happiness at school. If that means missing days while she learns and becomes confident in how to change etc then that's really important learning too that can take place at home plus the school can send work home etc. I hope your daughter copes okay with this big change ❤️ you sound like a lovely supportive mum and that will make all the difference.

I understand, OP. I was 12 when mine started in the 1990s, so 9 does seem young to me, but I had some school friends who started at 9.

If she wants to wear sanitary towels, I would suggest sanitary towels with wings to be used on loose period pants. Love Luna are good for me, I have sensory issues.

9 does seem young, but I think girls seem to be starting a lot earlier now. People definitely need to make sure they speak to their daughters early now. My niece had just turned 10, and had no idea what was happening - she was at school and my SIL was on holiday. My brother phoned me & I had to rush round (with sanitary towels!!!) to explain it all to her & show her how to use them. She was & still is incredibly immature. Just turned 10 but more like a 7/8 yr old - it was awful. My daughter started not long after at 10.5 and was well prepared - fortunately she started using tampons pretty much straight away, so no sanitary towels to deal with.

All of my girls started early, as did I.
My youngest started at 9. She was also very tall for her age.
I have to say that she handled it really well. Her childhood was not over. She carried on being the same lovely girl.

Whatever you do, please please don’t show her how you feel. My mum was so depressed when I started mine at a similar age and it made me feel so much shame. Yes it can be tricky at first but periods are also a very normal, every day occurrence for young women and she will be absolutely fine. Be positive and optimistic for her.

9 isn't the average. She replied to another poster that she had 'heard this'...... it's incorrect - I think it's 12 (according to NHS)

Yes it can be tricky at first but periods are also a very normal, every day occurrence for young women and she will be absolutely fine

I think therein lies the OPs sadness though. She's nine, a young child. She's years off actually being a "young woman".

I’m from a toxic and perfume free home and I got my period at 8 years old

I can’t understand some of the comments criticising the OP. She is just asking for support, doesn’t mean she is projecting onto her daughter.
I think ‘just’ 9 years old, is really young to be dealing with periods, she is still a little girl. It’s hard enough at 12 or 13 but 9 is very young. It’s a shame she has to deal with it so young but I’m sure she will get through it fine OP, with your help.

It's important to remember that she's still very much a little girl. Emotionally she is a typical 9 year old and starting her period does not make her a young woman at age 9....

OP you’re wrong about period pants needing to be tight. I have endo and heavy periods and my period pants aren’t tight at all. They feel comfortable like normal knickers.

Please keep your over-emotional feelings to yourself and not make a big deal of this to your daughter.

It doesn’t mean she’s been “stripped of her childhood”, she’s still the same 9 year old as she was the day before.

I’d feel the same as you op. I have 3 girls and have been dreading the day they start as for me periods controlled and had a massive impact on my life. I was one of the unlucky ones who seemed to suffer extreme pain, I had investigations for years but the Drs just said I’m just unlucky. I’m dreading my DDs going through that.

Anyway, I think you’re doing great, just be open with her. Talk to the school, they will be use to this, hopefully they have a female teacher who can be there for your dd in school. I know there have been girls in year 4 that have started at my DDs school.

None of my DDs have started, but they have talked about their friends and how it’s just very normal to have periods. I’m not aware of any teasing which my DDs would tell me about.

I think the stigma and “shame” of getting your period is not as bad as it once was for girls these days.

And I do understand that. But as we know, periods are just part of puberty that lasts many years. Just don’t make her feel bad about it. Boys get all this positivity when they start growing up. Girls are often made to feel ugly and ‘gross’.

I started my period very young, I had no idea what it was! And I was staying at my grandparents who weren’t people I wanted to confide in, so I put toilet paper in my knickers until my mum picked me up.I had to use the teachers toilet when on my period as they had sanitary bins!

At least these days they are told about periods early on, and schools are much better placed for children who start earlier. After my experience I’ve made sure that my daughters know what periods are from an early age, and to normalise having them and talking about them.

I think that the body and the mind mature at different rates, so although she’s changed physically, she is still a child mentally. Hopefully the magic of Santa etc can continue until the end of primary school.

You are absolutely entitled to feel how you feel. I was 8 yrs old when I had my first 2 weeks after my 10year old sister so luckily it had been discussed, I had to wait 4 years for any of my friends to have theirs. What I remember most was the teachers not believing I couldn't be in swim class because it wasn't possible for me to have my periods so early. I know in primary schools they have begun using a teachers name for a sanitary box so the girls don't have to ask for the items around the boys maybe you could see if her school would be willing to add something like this so she can get help without having to spell it out to the teachers?. I'd also raise can she have a specific way to request a toilet break from the teachers so they know it isn't an ordinary request? I remember not wanting to ask to go to the toilet because I didn't want to sound completely desperate even though I knew it was urgent at some points. I'd recommend discussing with a GP incase they want to do any checks, mine started early due to pcos for instance.

The second time I've recommended this book tonight! (I'm not on commission honest!)

I got this book for DD when she was 10 - My Period: Find your flow and feel proud of your period by Milli Hill.

It's pitched just right at this age IMO, and it doesn't just teach about periods, it teaches about the whole menstrual cycle.

It's tone is positive and empowering and it's made DD feel really confident and positive about starting her periods.

amzn.eu/d/bi1F0Nq

Sorry, I regret my words. I mean girl. She’s just a girl and girls get periods in puberty. My focus is normalising periods in general I guess. Doesn’t mean anything adult or negative.

My same age - and similar sounding i.e. v tall and other body changes - dd had her first period a few months back just after a huge growth spurt. She hasn't yet had another since which apparently is common if they start young. So you may get a bit of a respite. I've bought period pants but sized up so they're comfy and also bought a period swimsuit. If you're going for pads I personally find the cotton pads like Flo to be more comfortable than Always.

Hi OP. I teach ages 9 - 10 and, while I agree it's on the young side, she is unlikely to be the only one. I always have a few who have started by the end of the year. Agree with the earlier poster who said that the mums find it emotional. Your feelings are normal. She'll be okay.

I feel for you and your daughter OP. Nine does seen incredibly young. Along with the practicalities of thinking about when to change pads, worrying about leaking etc... it's a lot for a nine year old to deal with. I would be gutted as well. I hope they are not too heavy and painful for her. x

This. I wish I’d had this from my mum. Very thankfully to have my two babies from them! I know some women suffer a lot from periods and that’s awful. I hope your daughter isn’t one of them op.

@KelmenaBallerina not sure anyone has suggested this but you could speak to the gp and see about delaying this for a few years.

To add - please check with the school that there is a sanitary bin available for her use. When I started teaching at my current school the only student sanitary bin was in the hall! Ridiculous to expect girls to troop off to the hall while fielding questions about why. I immediately put in a request for sanitary bins in the senior class bathrooms. Easy fix - just no one had thought of it.

My daughter also started her periods one year on NYE, although she was 11, not 9. She was a bit gutted but me and my DH decided we would make it as positive as possible.

We were supposed to be staying in that NYE but at the last minute we managed to book a restaurant and we toasted her. We treated it like a celebration that she has started her periods. She still talks about how fun that evening was several years later.

Also OP, don’t assume that she’ll get another period next month or that she will remain having heavy periods. It took a few years for my DD to fall into a regular 28 day cycle.

Has she tried the period shorts?