Leaving a child at the airport

[Longboardpedro]

I have 3 kids with my wife. She is from Germany but we live in the UK. She had tickets to head back to see family for new years.

Unfortunately my eldest daughter only had 2 months left on her passport so when they reached the final gate for departure, my eldest was turned away from flying.

I had to collect her and bring her home whilst my wife carried on with her trip to germany with the 2 other kids. My eldest was heartbroken.

I was shocked, as this is something I could never do. We either all go or no one goes is how I approach things but keen to get some feedback from other parents on their opinions if that was OK?

Wait a while. You’ll get differing views soon.

I wouldn’t do this unless;

1. the child left behind was old enough to understand and have some say in the decision
2. there was a very important reason to go (eg elderly relatives, domestic violence). Especially if the abusive partner knew I was leaving, I was scared for my life and I knew the child would be safe.

Not pissed off. I love my time with my children and am an active father.

My wife holds the passports as she frequently travels with the children to germany. But yes I should have said something....it wasn't on my radar.

I just wouldn't want my child to feel left behind. I was there, she was upset and I spent the week picking up the pieces. Like I said it's not something i would do, but sounds like it was the right decision.

I think there is no ideal solution in this situation but really the divide and conquer approach is probably best than everyone missing out.

Enjoy some quality time with your Eldest and make it special for her

Also why waste the cost of 3 flights on top.

So it’s not a case of “all go or none go” since you were quite happy to stay.
It sounds like you were happy for your wife to take all the kids and you’re more annoyed you need to look after one now.
There is no sense in everyone missing out because one child can’t go.

She was old enough to understand...but not really either. She was 9 and it really upset her to be honest.

No.occasion, just to see family and no concerns over anything else.

I’d have done the same as your wife

I think lots of parents would put what they want to the side actually. We also don’t know the wife’s reasons. If it’s just selfishly wanting her holiday then I think that is a bit shitty. If it’s weighing up the impact on all three kids may be ok. Also I think this happening to a 7 year old is far worse that a 17 year old.

Honestly no I don’t think I would have gone if one of mine was turned away at the gate, unless there was a specific reason we were going that was so time sensitive we couldn’t rearrange (like a funeral or something). Even if it meant me travelling a day later, I think I would have returned home with both kids and made an alternative plan. Ages are a factor here with mine being 14 and 10. If they were older teens I might feel differently.

Can’t help feel if it was a father who continued their journey without the child, that the responses would be a little different.

Sounds like a good life lesson for your kids and for you both tbh! Always have a valid passport.

if it makes any difference my DD’s renewal was turned round in 5 days recently (regular child passport). So it’s worth putting the application in now, you just do online.

Fwiw I think she was entirely reasonable

For me, it does depend on the age of the child because I wouldn’t have wanted to leave a young, upset DC with strangers for even a brief time waiting for their dad to collect while I swanned off with the other children.

Also if I were going on a trip without DH, I’d expect the admin of that trip to fall to me, not him. And I don’t think it’s unreasonable for OP to feel slightly disappointed to lose out on a few childfree days too - most parents would be a little disappointed if they’d been looking forward to a bit of peace and quiet! I adore my DH and DC but I enjoy a break from them at times too.

i am not sure it was the right decision either

So how recent was this ? It sounds as if not this week and you resent it.

I don’t think it seems like that at all.

An adult staying at home is completely different than leaving one child out of three behind. Imagine being a child at the airport ready to get on the plane, you get told you can’t go but your 2 siblings still go without you. Completely unfair.

@RadioCountdown if there is some reason that the the German parent needed to go and it’s not just a jolly to see family then that adds a layer too.

A jolly to see family. This is so minimising. What’s wrong with just seeing family? Opportunities will already be limited due to the travel, cost and school holidays.
If one child was sick would you never bring your other two children to do something?

It’s a tough decision. I agree with some others that the age of the child matters. It does sound bad if you’re saying you had to pick up the pieces. Poor child. At least you’ll check the passports in the future.

Tricky one.

Your wife (and all your kids too I would imagine) has been looking forward all Christmas to travelling ‘home’ to see her family. Having lived abroad, it is VERY special and much looked forward to when you can’t just pop and see family, particularly at this time of year.

When were they last together?

If they had all abandoned the trip, everyone would be upset (including I imagine her family waiting for her in Germany).

In this scenario, hard as it is, only your DD is missing out. Yes, she shouldn’t have had to. Yes, it is not fair. But unfortunately it is what it is; whether your wife and the others went or not, your DD would always have not been able to go.

I honestly don’t know what I would do in that situation but I suspect I would have made the same call as your wife - press on with the much looked forward to trip as it would bring the most enjoyment to the most people. All staying behind would not have lessened your eldest DD’s sadness as regardless of everyone else going/not going , she STILL isn’t going because of the passport.

And she is at her home, with her dad, not a left child at an airport. Step up, do something lovely/special with her - bit of shopping, lunch out somewhere and then fave food for dinner tonight?

Check your passports peeps. It is so easily done…..

I’d say that if I was travelling solo with my kids I would have checked when I booked tickets that passports were good.

im all up for sharing mental load etc, but I reckon person who books tickets should check passports.

its unlikely she booked them this week/month even. So the issue would have have been avoidable.

top tip, make note on calendar for seven months before end of passport, and then it doesn’t creep up on you.

The point is OP doesn’t seem to have the “all or nothing” approach to himself and I’m sure he doesn’t only take all 3 kids every time he he does something. It’s a rule he’s made up only for his wife to follow.
It’s no more unfair to make everyone miss out because one child can’t go.
It’s a shit situation that is made no better by cancelling. The child is with her father, it’s really not an issue.

I can't imagine any situation where I would leave a 9 year old at the airport by herself to wait to be collected while I got on a plane with her siblings.

I think you're going to find that it's all your fault and your wife is a saint. If roles were reversed, however.....

Aw bless her. That’s so hard for a 9 year old. Your wife will need to really repair the relationship if it was handled badly at the airport. How is your daughter doing now? I hope you can make it special 1 - 1 time with you.

I honestly think I’d abandon the trip. Is it a special trip? Hard to fund? Special occasion? Whose cock up was it (if you were supposed to do it and didn’t (and this is a pattern) then may be I’d go to leave you to experience the consequences?

Me too. I think if one of the following were true I might (but it would be so hard):

1. dying relative
2. fleeing domestic abuse (but I’d stay at the airport rather than go)

if the child was late teens and made the decision themselves it would be ok.

Can’t help feel if it was a father who continued their journey without the child, that the responses would be a little different

Glad someone said it. If the roles were reversed I imagine there’d be a lot more emphasis on him checking the passports as he was going on the trip and why should the poor wife do more admin and now she’s lost a vital childfree break she needed.

And why the kids don't have German passports? Looks like no one is on top of passport stuff...