Well that was a massive waste of money...

[Namechange285]

Just need to offload my Christmas disappointment here (mainly in myself!) Booked panto tickets for DD (3.5 yrs) in the summer, when she'd managed a few child friendly cinema screenings etc, knew it was a gamble though as she's always been very sensitive to sensory input etc. So today was the day. Predictably she'd had a crap night's sleep/been up at 6, so has been a hyper/chattering whirlwind all day. Explained about the panto show and what it would involve. Packed the ear defenders just in case. She was excited and super up for going, so we gave it a go. 2 mins in and the noise/bright lights freaked her out so much she was crying to go home. Tried the ear defenders but she wasn't having it and I didn't want to ruin the show for others, so we left. Feeling disappointed in myself for wasting a LOT of money and also putting her in that position when it was clearly too much for her. Someone please give me a talking to and remind me kids sometimes do this and I'll look back and laugh about it in a few years!

are there any smaller theatres with more suitable shows? we've been to a few which were only an hour long and much more small-child-friendly (i.e. not as loud/bright, puppets etc)

I'm so sad for you. We're just back from a panto with our 3 children, youngest is 23 months old. They all loved it. I would say don't avoid trying these things. We've always exposed our kids to lots of different experiences, so nothing phases them. 3.5 years is definitely not too young for panto. Just keep trying with varied experiences.

Did you ask to go to the very back once she started asking to leave? That often helps little ones who come to our local theatre just to ease into it. Sometimes this reduces the feeling of overwhelm and then they stay for the show, dancing/hovering at the back.

Theatres really struggle with costs due to either little or no funding, but they're so important for society. So think of it as you gave a charitable donation to your local theatre this year!
My dd is great at the cinema and has been since about 2.5 but couldn't cope with a panto until age 5. You'll laugh about it one day.

Ours loved it but started on local am dram ones which are fabulous. Smaller, cheaper and proper community feel.

Oh Pantomime villains can be really scary
My son was terrified of Zelda ( Terrahawks) (?) a vintage TV series.
At least Zelda was in screen not Real!

Ignore people saying you were wrong to take her, she's too young. DS went to his first panto a couple of months after he turned three and was mesmerised, he's a child who won't sit still to watch a cartoon. So you weren't to know.
Just file it under we tried and maybe we'll leave it a while before we try again and if we never go to panto that's fine.

Fwiw I don't know if you have a small local theatre but one of ours has some lovely Julia Donaldson type shows usually just under and hour, the odd song but nothing like the chaos, noise, lights etc of panto, something like that might be a good way to ease her in next year, the stickman production we saw was lovely and also wintery!

we had a few misfires at that age. Completely by accident we found that something like Butlins (is there anything else similar nowadays?) was brilliant. It’s still a performance, but much more relaxed. You sit at tables, so there’s something to hide under. You can move in and out round the edges and no one minds, and because each show repeats a few times during each day, you can dip in and out and still see the whole thing. Or try again from the beginning.

oh and there’s a bar and you don’t need to drive. So if all else fails, at least you can have a drink.

I'm glad you took her out.

Many a panto has been interrupted by a screaming young child when the parent or parents have not removed the child.

I chose not to take mine until they were 5 and old enough to enjoy it.

We learnt this when we had a magician at my sons 5th birthday party and his sister was 3 and she freaked out at the Magician when he brought out his Orville type duck and did a ventriloquist bit as part of his act!

Mines have been going to the panto since 3 and love it. I think you’ve just been a bit unlucky tbh.

Yeah I found the panto too much sensory overload for me, let alone my 4yo DS! You don’t know these things until you try them though.

At Watford Palace they do a "relaxed" performance. They have a document which explains the characters and the show, gives the storyline, highlights which areas may be noisy or scary.

"For this performance the lights in the auditorium will stay on slightly and audience members will be free to enter and exit throughout the show. Loud noises and bright lights will be softened and there will be quiet and chill out spaces available in front of house areas. There will also be a talk at the start of the show where the actors will introduce their characters."

I am sure there must be other theatres that do these performances.

@Shetlands ah poor little soul bless him. A parent once dressed up as a witch at Halloween the full on green makeup, the lot. She came to the school I worked at to pick up her child at home time. I honestly don’t know what she was thinking. Cue screaming reception aged children. I think she thought she was giving them some sort of treat.

I’m sorry for the hard day and the wasted money, OP.

I would just say - you will remember this far more than she will. But if it had worked out and she’d loved it, which was possible, she would have clung to the memory for years.

So don’t beat yourself up about it. Trying new things and finding out they aren’t quite ready for it is just one part of parenting. If it never goes wrong you’ve almost certainly short changed them somewhere down the line and played things too safe.

The panto my son is in did both a relaxed performance & a dementia friendly performance. They keep the lights lower, get rid of the loud noises & the characters come on stage at the start to introduce themselves etc.
msybe try one of those if she struggles sensory wise.

dd used to work at Lion King & they provide break out areas/fidget toys (at DD’s suggestion) it’s not foolproof, some still can’t cope but it’s expected & prices are lower.

I was reading a book to my five year old granddaughter yesterday. She got upset when Lola broke Charlie s cardboard rocket. you tried to do something nice and it didn’t work out. Easily done. Shame it was an expensive mistake but you couldn’t know that.

What a fantastically helpful response!

To be fair everything is a gamble with 7 and under. They might not react in the way you expect them to. Chalk it up to experience and always have a plan b, so the the whole day is not wasted.

@Namechange285 My local Vue cinema is showing the CBeebies panto on the 24th at 9.15. Fab alternative for little ones that are not quite ready for live theatre. Much cheaper too, so less disappointment if you need to make a hasty exit.

The exact same thing happened to us when my now 25 year old son was about that age. We had to watch the panto in the bar on a crackly old tv that belonged to the theatre. I feel your pain. 🎅🏼

Try a relaxed performance next time. They’re great for children who are nervous.

And for the judgy comments about expecting her to sit through due to her age, plenty do.

When they are little, I find the places that offer a bit of everything are best.

Out best Christmas events have been at Drayton Manor (although not been since new owners as it's a long way). They did all the bits you want from a Christmas experience but only in bite size chucks. Little shows on a balcony, rides, a short 3D cinema show. It used to end with a parade and fireworks but you could also get on the little train to the quieter end of the park when it all got a bit much.

The bit they liked least was the grotto! If I'd paid a lot just for that it would have been a waste but as part of a bigger day it didn't matter they just wanted out

We also enjoyed a safari park where Santa went round at various points and you got to wave. Basically things that are a good day out with some Christmas thrown in.

Where as the very set timeframe stuff like a grotto slot or train ride always coincided with the time they were done and not in the mood and I felt like you.

3 and a half far too young for panto, but don’t beat yourself up about it, most of us have been there. Outings with my son can be precarious, even if it’s something he is really into, and he’s 10.

It's definitely worth having tried! She might have loved it. But you were right to cut your losses and leave when she didn't. There's no harm in trying, sometimes.
I loved a pantomime when my Dad and grandmother took me when I was your DD's age, but a couple of years ago felt entirely overwhelmed by the lights, sparkle and visual input at the Tower of London in the Crown Jewels display, and had to leave.
Not your fault, don't feel bad.

I also learnt the hard way with DC1 that you are much better off going to shows specifically designed for younger children at that age. Panto is just too loud for lots of young children. It’s not about concentration, it’s just genuinely scary for some.

Plenty of 3 year olds will sit through a panto. My niece was inthralled last year and she was only 2. It was worth a go and it didn’t work out. It’s hardly worth beating yourself up over.