Stranger touched my baby

[Lynsey953]

My son is 12 weeks old and I've been diagnosed with postnatal OCD so I'm hyper sensitive anyway. I took him to a coffee shop today and before I could stop them a stranger touched his face.
Is it my OCD that is causing me to stress about this or is it normal to do so? The lady was being nice but germs terrify me (they didn't use to).
Any thoughts on this would be great.

We all think consent is important, within normal limits.

There’s that “these days” thing again

You can buy signs to put on your pram saying please don't touch my baby. I never minded people touching my babies within reason but I don't have ocd so I can completely understand how your situation is completely different so yanbu

He does go to nursery and wait a minute... I haven't combusted!

If you really cannot see the difference between all these 'gotcha' scenarios you keep suggesting and a random stranger touching a baby in a cafe then I honestly give up.

The daft thing is I've said more than once that I wouldn't be bothered. I am just very aware that other mums would be. But you've clearly decided that I'm too woke to have a valid opinion so let's leave it at that.

I wouldn’t do it but babies have to build up immunity without it they will have no resistance when they do get ill.

I’m sorry, it must be difficult if you have OCD around germs. Was she older? I think more older people wouldn’t think about it potentially being a problem. I don’t think I’d do it myself, personally. Your baby will be absolutely fine though.

There’s a direct correlation between a neurotic upbringing & mental health. If children are taught to see bad & danger in everything/one then it can stay with them into adulthood.

It’s quite normal where I live. It’s meant nicely.

🤯

Are you just mega protective or is it the germs? Does it come from 'he's mine and I don't want anybody touching him'? sort of place or are you genuinely worried about germs?

Just because as PP have said - it's going to get a whole lot worse germ wise, you would not believe what toddlers can get themselves into, so you definitely need help for that. If you're just feeling protective then I'd try and let that wash over you a bit. He will interact with others and he will be touched, you're going to have to come to terms with that.

I’d just assume baby had the shits or something & the mum didn’t want me to catch it🤣

Tell me how is a baby going to consent to a wee stroke from the back of a finger on the cheek? One that they are never ever ever going to remember ?

How could you as a parent not consent? You never seen your baby smile or giggle ( age dependent ) at the joy of contact?

You are seriously taking consent to that level ? You are that wound up?

Im not trying to detract from this OP"s fears, they are real for her and I hope she gets the help she needs. Posts like yours are just ( imo ) reinforcing those fears

It kills me that you have to get "consent" to touch a child in your world. Would you want someone to wait for your consent if your child was injured, lost, hurt?

You know my argument isnt actually with you personally, as you say you havent really had a problem yourself. My argument is because you are ( sorry the term wont come to me - brain fog )keeping up this woke narrative for want of better terminology

The world and life isnt black and white and there is so much grey. I personally wouldn't hesitate to approach a child who I thought was in difficulty - be that tying their shoes, looking lost or just crying , because thats me, my generation grew up looking after each other and Im fortunate that I live in a community that still holds those values. Maybe I live in a bubble, but I prefer my bubble then living where children are so protected they never find their own way

I was fiercely protective over my baby especially at that age. I think it was my anxiety combined with intense breastfeeding hormones. I've relaxed more now. But I still wouldn't like a stranger touching my baby.

@suki1964 OK this'll be my last comment on this.

Of course a baby cannot consent. I'm not stupid. But as a mum I am granted some autonomy over who does and doesn't touch my child.

There's some obvious ones. Family? Of course. Nursery? Yes. Doctor? Yes. My child about to be taken out by a scooter in the park? Yes, of course I would want someone closeby to move him out of the way.

But as a stranger, if you see someone with a small baby in a cafe you should not presume it's OK to go up and touch them. Many women suffer with mental health issues after giving birth and you, a stranger, are not their concern. Their baby is. Unless expressed granted or implied, it is not OK to go around touching random women's babies!

It can be a bit weird to touch and unknown baby these days but no harm at all will come to him.

One of the things I liked about having a baby was that old ladies would stop to coo and have a chat. They will never have another baby to snuggle and love and you can see in their faces how they once loved their own little babies when they look at yours. It's quite bittersweet. I couldn't get angry at a little touch of a chubby cheek.

It would have really annoyed me, especially with my first, most people don't do this anymore but I've had a few arm strokes and the odd face one with my second (first baby was COVID times so people were not touching others, which was a small pandemic blessing). But with your OCD I can imagine it would have sent you spiralling, just try and put it behind you, no germs would have passed onto him from a quick face stroke,

Carriers are a good way to prevent touches because people feel awkward getting that close to your chest to touch a babies face, and you can easily just turn away or subtly take a step back without it looking awkward!

Hope you're ok, try not to worry 💙

Hi OP,

Just want to say I too suffered horrendous OCD throughout stages of my life and was bad after my children were born. I ended up slightly psychotic with thoughts and it was debilitating so definitely make sure you are getting all the support you can.

I'm sure your beautiful baby will be fine, maybe carry water wipes and if you feel there any contaminated areas on your little one, gently wipe. Tell yourself everything will be ok and it's your mind (much easier said than done but the more you do and think what it says, the more it controls you!)

I send my support x

Signs 😳 good grief

As long as she was clean and smiling I would be fine with that. People can't say it takes a village in one thread and then complain about someone touching their baby's cheek in the next.

What's wrong with that its a polite way to let people know that the parent isn't comfortable with their baby being touched

World has gone mad

No 'the older generation' are not too friendly, the younger generation are as mad as a box of frogs.

I don’t think it’s necessarily just because of your ocd, my boy is three now and just the most disgusting little cherub for what he puts in his mouth etc now and that doesn’t really phase me (not much does generally!) but I didn’t particularly like when strangers would touch him when he was a newborn. It just felt a bit much for me. Although I did love all the attention and oohs and aahs he used to get (still does sometimes!) as it clearly made people so happy to see little babies. It won’t hurt your baby, but I can understand feeling a bit weird about it, is the long and short of it!
Congratulations by the way 💐

The op has ocd it's an illness she can't help it.

I know it sounds odd to some people. It's very frustrating and debilitating as it can stop me from going out and I'm dreading Christmas as I don't want granny's etc not to visit but I know how hard it'll be on my brain. Thank you to everyone for your reassurance, I know this is something I need to work on 😊 x