First time mum... What advice would you give yourself if you could go back in time?

[LilyJessie]

Simple as that really...
I'm 38 weeks pregnant and thought this might be a great question to get some real advice and tips on being a mama!
Thank you 😊🙏🏼

Don't be shocked that you still look pregnant after the baby comes out. I was not expecting that at all

This.

There's nothing more urgent or important than just cuddling your baby as much as possible.

And don't worry about "spoiling" them. You can't do that. They will grow out of needing to be cuddled all the time soon enough.

If planning to breastfeed do a bit of research in advance so you know what you are aiming for in terms of latch - I found this video helpful globalhealthmedia.org/videos/attaching-your-baby-at-the-breast/

Keep a spare changing mat, nappies and wipes in the living room so when you need to do a quick change you font have to go upstairs each time.

Drink lots of water, my thirst was unquenchable and breastfeeding made it more intense.

Breastfeeding burns same energy as a 7mile walk so eat well, stock up on energy rich foods and snacks.

Do not give way to pressure from anyone about anything to do with your baby that you are not happy with. It isn't a toy or a prop for photos. Aunt Mildred with a coldsore will have to forgo kisses and being too close. Be very open in asking if visitors are in good health before the come to your house and be blunt in saying you'd be grateful they wash hands before touching baby.

Don't let anyone hog baby for longer than you feel comfortable with. If needing an excuse for space just pop upstairs to breastfeed/bottle as less distractions and you'll have time to reconnect with baby.

Let people help you, don't be too proud.

Enjoy it. It's a crazy, hard, exhausting time but you'll get through it and you'll soon have a 1 year old in your arms who makes your heart melt and you'll wonder how you ever made something so perfect ❤️

Don’t panic if you don’t feel an immediate rush of love after delivering your baby. Relief, exhaustion and total overwhelm are often the prevailing emotions immediately after birth. The love can take time to develop, and both anecdotally and professionally I have found that a ‘slow burn’ of love and bonding is actually more common than the instantaneous, immediate love and euphoria depicted in the movies. A primal desire to care, protect and nuture yes - love and bonding, that can take longer.

• I wish I'd travelled more when she was tiny,
• I wish I hadn't been so smug about her sleeping well as a newborn and thought I'd got it figured out. What a plonker. She slept better at 7w than she did at 7m and astonishingly even at 7y (send caffeine).
• I wish I'd fully take more time off work (went back pt at 3 months, but kit days from 3w.)
• I wish I could do it again, and again and again. It was magical.

All your advice is absolutely making my heart swell.
You all sound like amazing mummies!
And I'm soaking it all in. X

Don't trust Google. It lies when it comes to baby sleep.

Oh, when friends start telling you when their baby has started 'sleeping through' remember:

• babies often stop sleeping through, but no one tells you when this happens. Both of mine have 'started sleeping through' about 20 times each. So Linda's baby may have started sleeping through at 3m, woop woop for Linda. Linda didnt tell you that a month later she was having hourly wake ups again!

-what people mean by sleeping through varies. For some its the mythical 12h (7-7) or equivalent. Often it means a 5h stretch (even if that means hourly then from 2am). Some people mean that they baby wakes for feeds several times and then goes back to sleep.

Some parents do strike gold with sleep, but remember (because you'll probably want to stab them) that they babies may have other challenges that are just as exasperating.

Little baby vests are designed with envelope shoulders so that if they are poo-ey you can pull them down baby's body and off that way - you don't have to pull the poo-ey vest over baby's face!

Apologies to DD and DS because I only learned this when they were too old for little vests ...

It is very normal for it to take years for your little one to really sleep all night away from you.

Mine were 2.5 before they reliably slept through.

Don't assume you have anything in common with other mums just because you had babies around the same time!

I mean, you might make some mates but if you don't that's ok. You don't have to put up with odd people just because you've both got babies.

Write a schedule on a whiteboard so you and your other half can remember what/when baby ate/who said they'd get up. Saves arguments when you're operating on half a brain cell.

Have changing stuff on every floor/several places in your home in a box or basket. Make it your partners' job to top it up.

Be careful of your back (partner too). Read up on safe moving and handling. Babies are surprisingly heavy!

Get your iron and vitamin D levels checked. Low levels can make you feel dreadful.

To trust my instincts more and to not give a hoot about what others think.

1. Put down your phone.
2. Don’t compare yourself or your child.
3. It’s ok to ask for help.

Look up about the fourth trimester and embrace it, lean in!
Everything with babies is a phase and it will pass, the thing you are worrying about this week is unlikely to be an issue in a month's time.

Just to lean into the newborn trenches. I was
so desperate to get some sleep that I would try putting her down every nap and she would wake up every time. All she wanted was me and I wish I embraced it more. Now she’s 5 months old, down to 3 naps, waking once during the night and I bloody love a contact nap. It’s astonishing how fast time goes.

95% of your worries will be poo related. Baby poo changes all the time- frequency, size, colour, smell. Don’t spend so much time worrying about it, unless they’re clearly in pain or there is blood or persistent diarrhoea they are fine.

Be honest with your health visitor/GP. If you're struggling say so, try not to hide it.

Lots of 'phases' you will experience and may even worry or wonder that they are permanent. The saying 'this too shall pass' Is 100% correct.

💯 agree with this - you have to feel human and also a little bit like yourself as well - even though life has changed completely and forever

Make them eat vegetables

Accept help if you need it. Even if it's just someone to hold baby while you shower, have some time to yourself etc. Equally you don't have to and don't let anyone tell you yo put your baby down/you're spoiling them with cuddles.
Learn about wake windows for their age. I feel stupid but I had no idea and when they were overtired and naggy I was upset and stressed.
Don't feel pressured to go out if your way to meet up/visit anyone. If they want to see you and baby then they should make the effort to suit your routine/or lack of ha.
Get pictures of you and baby, as PP said there's hardly any of me and baby.
They will smile and interact with you soon and it will really help make it all feel worthwhile.
Remember self care, baby needs you to be well. I would often forget to check wounds, take medication etc. But equally whatever floats your boat with pampering.

The things i did differently with number 2 were:
Go on maternity leave sooner.
Do nothing that isn’t essential in the first 6 weeks, especially the first 2 weeks - ask for lots of help and rest like it’s your full time job. I injured myself badly going out too soon and kneeling down to change nappies in the first few days. I didn’t even bother going to register the birth until after 6 weeks second time round.
Slept in a separate room from my partner in the early weeks so when i was up all night (he was working full time) i could have the light on, walk around, put on the radio.
Worry less about trying to get baby to sleep, routines etc - that was a frustrating waste of time, they just did their own thing with one falling asleep in 5 minutes and the other needing an elaborate sleep routine (still does at age 10 🫣).

Enjoy it, don't rush to the next stage, savour every moment. Is it dangerous or an inconvenience? if it's dangerous say no if it's an inconvenience let them do it.

Mine would be:

1. Post-partum depression (PPD) exists, but so does post-partum anxiety (PPA). This can also happen to your spouse (less hormonal but it happens).
2. Start the meds sooner rather than later
3. Don't worry about routines (yours or babies) until you start to feel better
4. Sleep more (I have a CPAP so it made it impossible to just nap)
5. Putting your baby down won't make them hate you
6. Sleeping separate to your baby won't make them hate you
7. There is no manual to YOUR child. There is guidance in general, but doesn't mean it applies to your kid

I had terrible post-partum anxiety. My husband had anxiety as well. I slept separate from my son as of day 2 of him being home. I still slept like crap, but better without him next to me at night as he likes to wriggle and make noise (still, and he's 8). My son was bottle fed (I tried expressing but couldn't.. he did get some colostrum though). My son is smart, well-adjusted, friendly, loving, kind, you name it. None of the above negatively impacted him.

Trust yourself, be kind to yourself, keep a diary or make little notes about the things you love and hate because it all changes so fast and it's precious time even when it's relentless and hard. You'll forget so much, even stuff you think you never will.

Also, so much good advice here and elsewhere -but not all of it will suit you and your baby. Read, or listen, take what suits you but have no guilt about letting go of the rest.

You are not a failure if your child won't settle in a cot/nap consistently/eat widely/potty train at the right age etc etc. it's just life- you're doing your best, so are they.

It's great to plan your birth and discuss with your partner so they can support you and you can feel prepared. But things rarely go exactly to plan and that's ok, it's not failure, it's a triumph to bring that baby into your arms, however it happens.

Songs and rhymes are so wonderful for you and them, plus little routines and rhythms. I did sing and sign with two of mine and it was amazing.

Definitely rest rest rest in the first weeks, let others help, have no expectations on yourself except to enjoy your baby as much as you can.

When you start weeping for no reason in the first days/weeks/months it's probably just ormones and exhaustion, try to let it just happen and not worry it will be forever. But if it feels too much, ask for help, speak to your GP or a friend.

And oh my goodness, just savour as much as you can. It's magic. You'll be brilliant. Have fun!