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Parenting

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Original poster

My 3yo daughter just went and got chocolate when I said no

111 replies

RedRobyn2021 · 05/12/2024 07:05

We do advent calendars in the afternoon because otherwise she obsesses over chocolate all day

She woke up this morning asking for chocolate and I said, no problem you can have some as part of your snack later. She wasn't happy with this and cried

I'm 37 weeks pregnant and have been awake since 4:30 so asked her to get her dad (who was asleep in the other room) to help her get some breakfast because she's hungry. He didn't get up so she went downstairs and helped herself to some chocolate. Just one piece, but she came to tell me she had it before she ate it and I told her not to eat it but to put it back, but she ate it anyway.

I'm annoyed. I'm annoyed she ate it and I'm annoyed at her dad and I'm also really tired.

Do I just forget about it? She's only 3 for gods sake

Or do I say, no chocolate in your calendar later?

Like I cba with any of this, this isn't just about this one incident, it's happening a lot where she's struggling with her feelings and I'm like "am I doing the right thing?" Boundaries are important right? They make children feel safe. But also am I taking it too far?

Please be kind

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

TooManyNiblings · 05/12/2024 07:07

I would remove the advent calendar completely, try again next year. Also move the other chocolate that she can reach and become a chocolate free house hold, at least while she is awake!

KatieKat88 · 05/12/2024 07:08

I think you've probably set yourself up for a losing battle with a chocolate advent calendar at 3yo when you're not happy with her having it at breakfast to be honest! Stick to the book ones until you are or it's creating unnecessary hassle. My 5yo just has it with breakfast and didn't have a chocolate one until I was happy with that choice - way too difficult for everyone involved to make them wait half the day at that age.

RedHelenB · 05/12/2024 07:09

Let her open her advent calendar in the morning, it's supposed to be fun.

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TinyMouseTheatre · 05/12/2024 07:09

You're PG and tired. I'm not sure why she just can't have her advent chocolate when she gets up? Most 3 year olds wouldn't cope with having to wait for it for hours.

I'd forget about her having this chocolate. She's 3 and hungry and both of her DPs weren't getting up to make her breakfast.

I hope your lazy "D"P gets up soon and starts doing some actual care for her

Pixilicious1 · 05/12/2024 07:11

I’d forget about it. She’s only 3, she’s still tiny. I’m sure you’re doing a wonderful job.

GreenFlamingo11 · 05/12/2024 07:12

What do you expect her to do if she's three years old and neither parent is getting up to make her breakfast?

Fridgetapas · 05/12/2024 07:12

Yeah I also don’t get why she can’t have it at breakfast.
You've given her the chocolate advent calendar so let her have it.
Remove chocolate where she can easily reach it.

CrumbleyCrumpets · 05/12/2024 07:13

Let it go with DD. Do not let it go with DH.

jennywrites · 05/12/2024 07:13

"I know you were excited to have your chocolate this morning and it's hard to wait. I need you to wait until after breakfast, so I'm going to move the calendar, and mummy or daddy will reach one down for you tomorrow morning"

sexnotgenders · 05/12/2024 07:13

I also don't want my 3 year old having chocolate for breakfast, so we don't have a chocolate advent calendar!

3 year olds cannot and should not be expected to manage deferred gratification yet, it's not a developmentally appropriate request. Having introduced the calendar, it's too late to ditch it, so looks like it's going to have to be chocolate for breakfast for the rest of December (which, even though I would rather not have this for my 2, I acknowledge won't kill them!)

Oh, and you also have a husband problem, but suspect that's a whole other thread!

MsSquiz · 05/12/2024 07:14

She's 3, she wants chocolate. It was left somewhere she could get it. You expected her to go, wake up her dad and get breakfast that wasn't chocolate.

That's a lot going on for a 3 year old.

At 3 they're testing every possible boundary, doing things they've been told not to.

You got her a chocolate advent calendar, I'm not sure what you expected her to do? Happily wait until you say she's allowed it? My kids have toy advent calendars (5 and 2.5) and they can't wait to open theirs each morning! A chocolate calendar wouldn't stand a chance!

GodRestYouMerryGentlewench · 05/12/2024 07:14

asked her to get her dad (who was asleep in the other room) to help her get some breakfast because she's hungry. He didn't get up

Why not?

Does he understand he will soon have two children to parent?

Or is he planning to be a third child in the house?

Swap the chocolate calendar for one with toys or something.

And she isn’t struggling with her feelings - she’s being a three year old.

Hohofortherobbers · 05/12/2024 07:16

That is a big ask when she's staring at a chocolate advent calendar.
Pick your battles

sexnotgenders · 05/12/2024 07:16

And to answer your bigger question, yes of course boundaries are essential and must be held, so this isn't about loosening the reigns when she pushes back. But your expectations and boundaries have to be age appropriate. In this case, you're expecting too much so you will need to let it go.

StampOnTheGround · 05/12/2024 07:16

My 2.5 year old knows we have the advent calendar first thing in the morning - he will then say 'no more chocolate, tomorrow' and he knows it's just a morning thing! We let him play with them in the day but he doesn't try to open them, he knows it's one a day but I couldn't imagine making him wait till the afternoon.

He also has a book advent calendar that he loves too.

ApolloandDaphne · 05/12/2024 07:17

She is 3 and trying to assert some control and independence. I always did advent chocolate at breakfast time so they didn't whine for it all day. It is a tiny little piece and it hardly matters when she eats it. It is fun in the run up to Christmas to eat chocolate at breakfast time. This really isn't the hill to die on.

Geneticsbunny · 05/12/2024 07:18

That this is entirely your husbands fault for not getting up. Like others have said, it is unreasonable to expect your daughter to wait that amount of time for food when she is hungry.

PromoJoJo · 05/12/2024 07:20

This reply has been withdrawn

Withdrawn at the poster's request.

Thatdarncat44 · 05/12/2024 07:22

She was hungry and nobody was feeding her. What do you expect from a 3 year old?

saraclara · 05/12/2024 07:25

We do advent calendars in the afternoon because otherwise she obsesses over chocolate all day

That makes no sense to me. She's obsessing about chocolate because she's having to wait for it, surely? If she has it in the morning, it's done and dusted and the calendar can be put away. Nothing more to think about.

Advent calendars have always been a morning thing for me. A 'new day' thing. As long as her teeth are cleaned afterwards, I'd just get it over with so that she isn't dwelling on it all morning.

Evolutionarygoals · 05/12/2024 07:26

I agree with the other responses her. I'll also suggest you can turn it around a bit. Your 3 year old had a problem (hungry) which she solved herself (chocolate). It's not how you'd have liked her to solve the issue, but I think it shows the start of some good, independent, problem solving skills. I'd secretly be feeling a little bit proud of her for that!

Overthebow · 05/12/2024 07:28

its breakfast time, she’s hungry and neither you or her dad got up to feed her so she got herself something. Why didn’t her dad get up and why didn’t you when you realised he hadn’t, yes he really should have done and was awful of him not to but in his absence someone still needed to go feed dd.

Oioisavaloy27 · 05/12/2024 07:29

She is only 3 it's a little chocolate now you can either let it go or put it up so it's.not within her reach it's not a huge issue.

TinyMouseTheatre · 05/12/2024 07:30

Just wanted to add that you might want to read up on when they develop delayed gratification and how they develop it. I think k that you are expecting too much from her and setting her up to fail as a result.

It's really good that she came and told you. What's not good is that she was downstairs unsupervised...

Runskiyoga · 05/12/2024 07:30

Your 3 year old was a star to come and tell you before she ate it. Praise that when it happens. Well, if you have it now, then you can't have it later, I wonder which one you are going to choose today [or ] mummy has said chocolate is for snack so I am going to put it away and I know it's hard to wait but it's important to learn and now I'll get you some breakfast.

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