My 3yo daughter just went and got chocolate when I said no

[RedRobyn2021]

We do advent calendars in the afternoon because otherwise she obsesses over chocolate all day

She woke up this morning asking for chocolate and I said, no problem you can have some as part of your snack later. She wasn't happy with this and cried

I'm 37 weeks pregnant and have been awake since 4:30 so asked her to get her dad (who was asleep in the other room) to help her get some breakfast because she's hungry. He didn't get up so she went downstairs and helped herself to some chocolate. Just one piece, but she came to tell me she had it before she ate it and I told her not to eat it but to put it back, but she ate it anyway.

I'm annoyed. I'm annoyed she ate it and I'm annoyed at her dad and I'm also really tired.

Do I just forget about it? She's only 3 for gods sake

Or do I say, no chocolate in your calendar later?

Like I cba with any of this, this isn't just about this one incident, it's happening a lot where she's struggling with her feelings and I'm like "am I doing the right thing?" Boundaries are important right? They make children feel safe. But also am I taking it too far?

Please be kind

I don't think you can hold her to extremely high standards while you and DH have such low ones.

She's a hungry 3 year old, no parent bothering to make her breakfast and the only thing she can get to is chocolate. She even told you she was going to eat it and you didn't say "I'll get you something else instead," or "let's go and get daddy up."

You are going to be tired and up with a baby for the foreseeable, you still need to parent your 3yo, both of you.

Just let her have the calendar in the morning ffs why are you making it such a battle?

Great solution! It's too much responsibility with someone who only has 3 years experience of being a human and has yet to master impulse control (I'm 37 and still haven't cracked it if there are open biscuits in the house!!). So chalk it up to experience and take the temptation away. But try and take a deep breath for today and move on from it. Appreciate it's hard when pg and tired. God I swear no part of parenting has been as tough as the 3rd trimester with a toddler in tow!

Mine would have eaten all the chocolate in the advent calendar tbh.

I'm sure there are some especially angelic 3 yr olds who wouldn't have just eaten the chocolate in their hand when told not to, but it's perfectly normal for them not to be able to resist, especially when they've been wandering around hungry first thing in the morning.

Put the chocolate out of reach and give her a gong to thump beside her dad's ear in the morning.

I'm impressed with her resourcefulness!

I would save my annoyance for my husband in that situation.

How about the old fashioned picture advent calendars. Why on Earth would you get a small child a chocolate advent calendar. There’s no need and you’re just setting yourself up for problems

The 3 year old is the last person to be annoyed at in this situation.

She was hungry so asked 2 parents for food and she wasn’t given any so went and helped herself. If you don’t want her helping herself then your partner need to actually give her breakfast and put the chocolate out of reach.

I’d pick your battles. Just let her have it with breakfast. I let my 4 year old have his with breakfast therefore I have to let my 1 year old. It’s only for December. I’m pregnant too and it’s just not worth stressing out and creating an issue, let it go with DD.

DH should have got up and got her breakfast but I’ve got one of those DH’s who wouldn’t dream of getting up with the kids, it’s all on me so just try to make life easy on yourself when heavily pregnant.

If I left any sweets within reach of my 4yo when he was hungry, he would help himself.... let it go, it's Christmas.

Well look at it from her point of view, she woke up excited to open her calender and have her one chocolate with breakfast and the adults who are meant to help her couldn't be bothered and told her to wait. She'd already been waiting since yesterday morning, which is a hell of a long time for a kid that age.

I wouldn't punish this no. In fact the fact she only took one piece of chocolate shows incredible restraint.......you and your partner were in the wrong.

So many mixed messages- you got her a chocolate advent calendar but don’t want her to have it, you’re up but told her to get her father up. He then didn’t get up. She’s hungry and has basically been told by both parents that they’re not interested…

You’ve got the calendar now so I wouldn’t go back on that. But generally 3 is very young to be handling this level of temptation insupervised. You need to give her more support. I’d switch to keeping the calendar and other chocolates out of reach, let her have her calendar in the morning, and tell your husband to pull his finger out.

Definitely don’t punish her by saying she can’t have the calendar today. It’s too far removed from the incident this morning, which in any event was more your (pl) fault than hers.

She’s 3, don’t make a tiny piece of chocolate into a big deal and let her choose when to hve the chocolate, once it’s gone, it’s gone.
Your bigger issue is with your partner and I would be having words with him about the support you need.

Do the advent calendar in the morning, stop any obsessions, it’s only a tiny bit.

Make sure she has breakfast. DH was not on top form in this one!

Chill. Life IS hard with a pre schooler when pg .

I would let it go, and do the advent calendar in the morning. Its one tiny piece of chocolate for 24 days - it really won't hurt and as someone else said, its supposed to be fun.

This^^

I don't understand not letting her open her advent calendar in the morning either.

Your dp was the one to blame here, but someone should have fed her. She was hungry, she got herself some food and then you told her not to eat it. That will have been too much for a 3yo

Edited to fix typo

Three words:
Pick your battles

Got this right now with my two year old , he's poorly so lying on the couch else he'd probably be trying to find chocolate.
Got a chorus of more choccie on repeat! 😂😭

It’s fair enough you’re annoyed at her dad but it’s a bit unfair to be cross at her, you set her up to fail. She’s can’t fully control her impulses yet - if you/her dad leave chocolate within reach and don’t feed her when she’s hungry, she’s going to eat the chocolate.

There’s no harm done so just learn from it, store chocolate out of reach of tiny fingers and tell him to pull his finger out in the mornings! The fact she came and told you shows she feels safe with you, you’re doing a grand job overall.

I hadn’t even thought about the fact she took one!! I ate all the chocolate in my advent calendar in one go when I was 5 or 6 so she did amazingly well having just one 😂

It’s difficult, because this is bigger than chocolate as a discussion. At 3, fetching your own snacks is just about a thing but not if there are no adults awake and supervising.

More specifically re chocolate. We didn’t have any available to our DC apart from the odd biscuit until school age.

its not really about the chocolate though, you told her not to do something but she did it anyway, its about breaking a rule,

Your husband's the one you should be annoyed at. How is a three year old supposed to cope with delayed gratification yet? I'd replace the calendar with a non choc one and say chocolate's finished now.

What time was this out of interest?

Part of the absolute joy and fun of Christmas for kids is the slight altering of the rules - advent calendars first thing! It's one piece of chocolate for 25 days, it'll do no harm at all to let her have it as soon as she is up. I never made mine wait for it tbh!
Bless her, she sounds lovely.

I saw a story in the national press a few days ago about a child at the age of 3 and 5 went downstairs unsupervised messed with a lighter and set the couch on fire, both children died as a result.