Am i too strict?

[Mum2x3girls]

Really battling with my 12 year old at the moment. Constantly being told I’m too strict, and that she isn’t enjoying her childhood/ has no fun.
Generally, my rules are strict around screen tim during the week and she doesn’t have any social media. I accept this is different to many of her friends, but I also feel so strongly about how harmful social media is.
she has to be in her room at 8 (during the week) I do not push her to go to sleep, and she turns her lights out by herself, usually before I go to bed at 10pm.
She’s not allowed pudding unless she’s cleared her plate.
She’s no longer allowed to go to the park without supervision, I had allowed this, as I’d wanted to trust her to make good choices, but I found out she tried vaping, so has now had this privilege taken away- indefinitely.
she’s allowed friends over/ sleepovers when she asks and I taxi her around whenever she wants.
really interested in other parents experiences. She tells me all her friends are allowed so much more.
we’re uk based.

I agree with this.

As parents, we need to teach our dc to make good choices, and begin to learn how to deal with situations where they might feel uncomfortable, not ban them from any contact that we might not like.

I don't think people in general think of WhatsApp when they say social media, whatever the dictionary definition is it's generally viewed as a messaging app isn't it?

I can't imagine any of my friends would put it in a category with Snapchat and tiktok when talking about their children and social media

if you only use WhatsApp for messaging individual people (much like texting) then yes, I agree with you.

However, most people use WhatsApp to set up chat groups which is precisely the definition of social media.

Children have certainly been cyberbullied in WhatsApp groups. It's easy for a stranger to get access to your child's WhatsApp and their personal phone number. Why do your friends think WhatsApp is safer that other forms of social media?

And if you're going to allow your child access to WhatsApp only to message individual friends, then you either have to give them a large degree of trust, or monitor their use closely. And if you're going to do this, then you may as well just let them have access to social media in a monitored way.

What’s app needs very careful handling - TikTok is easier I think to pass the message on about privacy etc and posting videos etc. what’s app can be harder to grasp about sending messages and what you send through to friends and how to manage group chats

because arguably Snapchat is a messaging service

Snapchst is 13 to open an account - whats app has only just been lowered to 13 and is still rated 16+

whats app IMO (as the Mum of a 15 and 12 year old) is the most problematic

It is quite strict, yes, and also a little bit ‘rules for rules sake’ like being in her room at 8. Why can’t she hang out downstairs if it’s not her bedtime?

I don’t think an indefinite park ban is a good idea, you need to start trusting her again at some point and I think because your reaction here was overly harsh it will probably just make her better at hiding stuff rather than feeling she can talk to you.

Do you have good conversations about why you don’t want her on social media? Rather than just making it a rule? .

And the clearing plate thing is illogical and won’t help her be able to judge when she’s full. Just don’t have dessert as an option if needs be.