Normal to feel like this at baby groups?

[Showbel]

Hi I feel like I'm the odd one out and just want to know if my feelings are valid?
I have a 4 month old DD and have tried 2 different baby groups and I find them really difficult?

I basically go in with baby, they do some songs with puppets which are really good tbh and my DD does pay attention, and then there is 'free play' (me basically trying to get my baby to interact with toys) - but no matter how much I try and talk to other parents, it is just small talk and there isn't anything of substance? I've been going since she was 8 weeks old and just can't bond with anyone. I did bond with one girl at a group but she stopped going as her son had outgrown the group. There's no talk of motherhood or milestones or anything, stuff that I actually want to talk to people about? I want to enjoy the positive days but I also want to have a good moan with other mums too!!!??? There's different mums all the time as well. There's a few regulars but I don't know them well enough to invite them out for coffee, I'm not really bonding with them. I dread going to both groups each week because it just seems so much effort, and probably selfish of me but I'm not actually getting anything out of them. Some days I only say a couple of sentences because I'm making so much effort to talk to others and just not getting anything back?! It's really depressing and anxiety inducing. I don't know if it's because they think I'm a bad mum or if it's the way I look or something else? (I always seem to have baby sick on me. and I'm still in the 'comfy clothes' stage post c section!)

I've signed up to a 6 wk sensory course in a few weeks and I'm dreading that now as well that it's going to be the same thing, and I'm worried it's going to be all cliquey, with people just going with their friends and their babies.

Is this just the thing with baby groups? I was under the impression they'd be supportive and welcoming but my experiences have been the opposite?

As I said previously.. I have many friends, just not many parent friends!! I'm just repeating myself now.

So you don't know any other adults, female adults, who have had babies? Not a sibling, in law, cousin, nothing?

Feel free to report.

@Showbel Ignore that unhinged and unkind fuckwit troll of a poster. If she/he/it has a single friend in real life then I'm a Monkey's Uncle.

As can you, you're the one with the problem with my posts.

Are you name calling now? Step away from the keyboard as you are becoming emotionally unregulated again.

I just don't get what her problem is! 😂She is just so unhappy and angry! It's all very strange..

I've seen the results of people coming out of childhoods where their volatile parents hared each other. They're scarred for life. Think of them.

I’ve said absolutely nothing about how much I earn or what my ‘status’ is, whatever that means. What possible ‘status’ do you think I got from tutoring in Mexico or living on an island where the only other inhabitants in winter were sheep and seals? It was fun, in both cases! My point is that people move around for all kinds of reasons, and are able to make friends, in most cases, wherever they are, regardless of how distant they are from family. It’s not some trade-off of loneliness for money/status, as you seem to imagine.

(Im still in touch with someone else who worked on that film shoot as well as the friend I went there with, and just after Covid I went to the 50th birthday of the guy who used to run the supplies boat out to the island. There are interesting people, open to friendships, everywhere.)

OP feel free to message if you want to chat to a new mum! If you’re local I can always recommend some places xx

"I left my home country to study in the UK. Just as I was finishing my doctorate"

@Showbel There is a very odd poster on here. Don’t reply to them. Are you in touch with anyone from antenatal classes? Could you meet up with them for coffee? Just looking at my local small town there are four mum and baby groups at the church and other venues. I’d go to a few more. Try them out. See if anyone speaks!

What’s your point? A doctorate is the required level of qualification for my field of work. You can’t do my job without one. It’s not some fancy add-on. It was funded by a scholarship whose living stipend just about covered rent in a flat so cold I used to take baths wearing a jumper in winter. I lived on what I could earn tutoring, working late shifts at Sainsbury’s and occasional emergency applications to my college’s hardship fund. It was a brilliant few years, and I made some of my lifelong closest friends then, but again, it was hardly ‘moving for status or money’.

@DarkBlueStocking Dont engage.

Sorry wrong person!

@Showbel I've sent you a private message x

Status.

I think the take-home message from this thread - although too late for the OP - is if you think you will need a support network of other mums when you are on mat leave, do everything you can to build one before your baby arrives; whether that's antenatal classes, pregnancy yoga, the peanut app or whatever. As, as has been mentioned on this thread, people often do go to baby groups with people they already know and may not have the time or the inclination/headspace to make other friends when deep in the tiny baby stage.

Yes ensuring that you have a balanced, full life yourself is a key part of planning a baby. Probably more important than owning a house.

@ThatWarmJadeSeal The main takeaway I'm getting from this thread is that some people are not so happy with the choices they've made and try to overcompensate by putting others down. Is it a sore point for you that some people own a house and have successful careers rather than stay where they're put? You don't seem aware that it is possible to make friends after leaving school, if you have an open mind about it.

It's a sore point that you can't bring your child to child activities without adults centering themselves

OP is talking about a four month old baby. Those baby groups are set up for parents to socialise, it's widely known as the main point of them.

I kind of get @ThatWarmJadeSeal point. Thing is there are ALOT of adults who do spread their wings from their home town and I guess they hope to find each other at these parent groups. I'm fortunate moved to London for status and money ;) but still have a close circle of friends and family with young babies that I can call on. Some in the city, most out.
Hence when I go to baby groups I'm not trying to meet other parents and am probably a bit dismissive of small talk #nonewfriends! From what I've seen however some of the international crowd have made nice little expat parents group. Let the people find happiness :)

They r just for those who dont like staying in, no need to go.