4 year old's bad behaviour at school

[mumTTCno2]

Struggling so much with my 4 year old son's behaviour

He started reception in September, youngest in the year (but these behaviours have been a common occurrence all through preschool too)

Just sat here having a little cry at yet again another bad report back from the teacher

He won't sit down on the carpet to do any learning, refuses to tidy up, just general not listening at all to teachers and today he pushed a boy very hard into the pegs (it's not uncommon for him to lash out without thinking)

He is very tall for his age (113cm) and is a very rough, and hyperactive boisterous boy

He has now been put on a behaviour plan

Just seems as though all of my friends kids are doing so well, enjoying school etc but so difficult for us 😔

His behaviour is much better at home (used to be awful!) but no matter what consequences and boundaries I apply for his actions at school, he seems to forget all about it once he gets past those school gates

Any advice or words of wisdom? Finding it hard to constantly be the parent of the "naughty disruptive" type of child and worried he'll struggle to make/maintain friendships if this carries on

Sorry I missed out asking if school do a green card/red card system, so if he gets a red card has to do great behaviour to earn back green card and if he does then you reward with a treat.

@mumTTCno2 I know you posted this a few months ago but I just wondered how you're getting on now with your ds? Have you found any strategies that have improved things?
I'm having exactly the same with my ds and he sounds very similar to yours in that he's one of the youngest in his year and is also very tall to his age! He hates school and every day is a battle just to get him there. His behaviour had been better but has been getting much worse recently and now the school wants a meeting. He's on the very long waiting list for ADHD assessment

Hi @DinoDig

Yes and no!

So my son is now on a level 2 behaviour plan so he has targets towards that he has to meet and he gets constant reminders throughout the day for this. He also has to meet with a SENco lady once a week for an hour where they talk about good/bad choices, play games etc and she's absolutely amazing with him.

These last couple of weeks his behaviour has been amazing at school (he's already pretty good at home) but then again he has been ill so it might be that's he's too tired to play up 🫣

But definitely an improvement since the start of the year x

Does he do any sport outside school? If not, I’d definitely sign him up to the local football team.

Do remember that you can't be absolutely sure of the innocence level of the other child. One of the boys labelled as naughty in my DCs reception class turned out to be being bullied.

Re not sitting down. My DC found the sitting difficult, the school produced some kind of inflatable sit cushion. It didn't help, but he was happier sitting on a stool in the end. This was in Yr1, in Yr3 he had to have a hip procedure for a problem they hadn't picked up when he was a baby. I know what you are describing with your DC is different, but all sorts of kids have reasons why they find sitting difficult. There will be several others and most of them will grow out of it

Hi all I thought I'd update this thread

So it's been a month now since my little boy has been back from the Christmas break and his behaviour has been AMAZING.

Gold stickers most days! No 'purple letters' at all (which is what we get when they hit/hurt someone)

I think something that helped was not going to overboard with punishments when he'd been naughty at school, some people told me to come down hard on him etc but it just made him so upset and deregulated at home too

Instead, if he'd been naughty at school - I'd tell him I was disappointed, talk to him about how we could do better next time and he also wasn't allowed a treat from the shop (always get a chocolate/ice lolly etc after school)

Instead I'd over emphasise the good behaviour - if he got a gold sticker I'd emphasise how proud I was of him, get him a little toy, we'd FaceTime family and they'd exaggerate how proud they were etc

He's slowly calmed down and now seems to be doing really well ofc he doesn't get toys each time now otherwise he'd have me bankrupt now haha but he loves everyone being proud of him which helps massively!

Fantastic update! You sound like a great mum!

Just come across this thread for the first time - lovely update OP!

My DS is in Reception and we are having some similar issues - due to meet the SENCO soon. I am wondering about ADHD but we have been told they won't even do a referral until age 6 🙁

Lovely to hear how successful you have been, especially with positive reinforcement of good behaviour. I am sure your little boy is much happier now.

Hi Op,

would you be able to give another update? Living your past and praying things will improve, but so far they are not :(