4yo being silly - CPS called on us by school

[Junkemail]

Our life feels like it's been turned upside over a silly comment my reception aged child said to their teacher that her and my DH have been eating crayons out each others bottoms.

We've ended up with social services knocking on our doors and my DH is being investigated. It is absolute nonsense, she's 4 and says stupid things like this all the time about a variety of people. My DH is being investigated as sexually abusing her now. That's one issue and I'm hoping he's found innocent in their eyes as he's been kicked out the house by then.

But how do I handle comments like this moving forward so it doesn't happen again. She tells lies and imaginary stories that I know aren't true and this time it's ended up with us being in real trouble.

Same here. I don't agree with the nibbling bum part

Because...oh, nevermind. There's sort of an instinctive and intuitive bit where you stop wiping bums, co-sleeping, lip-kissing etc. But there isn't a bit where 'CPS' social workers storm in and exact legal powers they don't have because a four year old said 'I shoved a crayon up me bum'. I'm deeply uncomfortable with this thread for lots of reasons. If you don't want to kiss your baby on the lips, don't kiss your baby on the lips. If you think social workers have some Stasi like power to swan in and remove parents from their homes, you need to read more and watch GB News less. Lastly, if you think this child's disclosure wasn't concerning - when a teacher thought it was - you need to give your head a wobble.

No such thing in the UK.

Well OP if you said you were going to nibble her bum clearly you’ve brought this on yourself. We should always weigh our words carefully in the course of playing innocently and joyfully with our kids and try to avoid spontaneity. I like to ask myself “what would mumsnet think” as a general measure for the opinions of the lowest common denominator and thus what might trigger a teacher or social worker to upend my life. It can also be helpful to write some scripts and try not to deviate too far from them. Instagram can be helpful in this regard.

Wow. That's a leap. There's a programme now? To be honest, you prefer your partner to your child so I'd just let her go and live a nice life without the abuse. Personally.

ive Worked in collaboration with several authorities…..often seen SW ask a parent to leave family home without court being involved…..obviously it’s a voluntary request…..parent can refuse …..then it would be taken to court….this is a temporary measure….often until the child or baby can be medically examined to determine cause of an injury

They were acting illegally and you should report.

Sorry. But you're talking utter clap-trap. Do the social workers just snatch the children for the medical examinations? If you have witnessed this, you need to report. Social workers have neither police nor court powers.

18yo here. I totally get why people are instinctively angry & hurt when this happens. However, I def don't think it's overstepping the mark for social services to be involved. As pp said, a case could never go through

 I get that pps grew up in an era when child abuse wasn't thought of so much, but it is better for an abused child to be saved, even if there are innocent families suspected. The 3mo case was way out of order imo.

We all need to work towards a world where no child is abused, the suspicion is the fault of the abusers, not the people trying to keep children safe. It's awful for innocent families but there are no good options, it's the least worst option.
I get the urge to go in all guns blazing & complain, & I do think all the extra plans are heavy handed now it's seen everything's ok, but please don't complain re the social worker speaking to your child. As pps said, it could be hard for a case to be accepted unless they speak to a sw. If they just speak to parents, abusive parents will obvs lie. You know your telling the truth & it's unfounded, but an abusive parent will act the same way, if they're a good actor
We found out last year my uncle was abusing my 3yo cousin. 😰 I hung out with him quite a bit as a kid & never got any weird vibes. One time, my mum had to go to hospital for the night & asked him to come round to make sure me & my grandmother (who lives w us) were OK. He couldn't come that night but we both feel awful when thinking that I could easily have been left alone w him. I was raised to speak up if I was uncomfortable, but I have no idea how I'd have reacted if something that bad had happened.
That is the truly scary thing that most of us don't want to accept. Most abusers don't give off creepy vibes. They're parents, uncles, people you should be able to trust.
It's a bit like being suspicious of lone men behind you on a road. Ofc many are fine, but the not-fine ones can look fine. So men shouldn't be angry at women for being suspicious, they should be angry at the men who hurt women & put innocent men under suspicion.

If non accidental injury is suspected, it's definite a child has been presented for treatment medically. Paediatric care staff will refer to Children's Social Care (Not the CPS!). The social services team - in accordance with medical experts - might then put forward a recommendation to the courts. A judge would then give a ruling and instruct the police to fulfill it. Social workers are always accompanied by the police when undertaking court ordered instructions. There is no way on this little earth that a social worker demanded - or could demand - a parent left their home because a teacher said a child said they'd shove a crayon up their bum. It just isn't true.

Sorry I didn't mean the black bit to be hoghlighted! No idea what happened there.

Doesn’t have to be a demand…..can be a request to do so voluntarily.

who mentioned the CPS? ….not me🤷‍♀️

@Typeonesickofchocolate They asked him to leave. They did not demand, order, or physically remove him. He could have said no, then they would have gone down the legal route to remove him if necessary. It was for one night while they decided what to do. He is back home now.

And the child didn't say she shoved a crayon up her bum. She said her father was eating crayons out of her bum and she did the same to him. I.e. he inappropriately touched her. Hence why they asked him to leave right away.

PPs saying what's wrong with kissing your child on the lips, ever consider that's nothing they can consent to from a very early age? If you're doing that how do you say to other relatives that that's not okay? You can't find another spot to kiss them? On the head, on the cheek? Get a grip. It's fucking weird. Do go on to tell me how I’m extrapolating the situation. But also tell me how your kids are so used to it that they expect it from other adults, as opposed to rejecting that kind of intimate contact from people even within your family that they don’t want to kiss them on the lips? It would only get more problematic with age. Are you and your family still going to kiss them on the lips at the age of 18 onwards when they've figured out for themselves who they are going on several years and who they want to kiss for themselves? Grim. No reason to do it but selfishness. Yep, it's fucking odd.
Fight me.

Sorry, but eating crayons out of a child's bum is seriously sick. Seriously. You need to leave him and run. Now.

The little girl from down the road and I were lighting matches and smoking cigarettes when we were about 4.
We were doing it in my dad’s shed out back where he kept the lawnmower and several cans of gasoline.
Dad caught us - he sent her home and me in the house.
He was so terrified we never got in trouble. We got a stern talking to, though. I don’t remember if I understood or not. I was 4 - how much could I understand besides “don’t smoke cigarettes?”
I never did it again.
Kids. They do and say crazy stuff.

"expected".

I've always been absolutely clear with my nephew that no means no and he has the right to say no to hugs and kisses.

If he can't say "no" to his own family, don't be surprised if he thinks it's normal for a molestor to ignore his "no".

If his own family show him that it's OK to ignore someone's "no", don't be surprised if he grows up to rape someone.

At three I was being abused by the teenage son of a grandparents neighbour;he'd assaulted me on more than one occasion;I said some things that my mum thought was odd regarding this boy;it could have been brushed off as silly talk from a young child but I was examined by a doctor who discovered I'd been assaulted.

I work in safeguarding and there is a high threshold for social services to even look at disclosures eg. My mum hit me, dad screamed at me, low level neglect. However for you to receive a call and 4, then them turn up at 6 and then for them to say DP has to leave. There's more to this I believe. They might not have told you everything yet until they begin their investigation. I would co operate in everything and do as they ask. They don't see you as a worry as you are still with DD.

This is all terrifying. I totally agree that it’s right SS investigates. We also like @Junkemail say to our 2 year old to run up stairs for bath or we’ll bite her bottom! And that she looks so tasty! I really hadn’t contemplated this being taken out of context and seen as abuse. I think I’ll be having a good chat with DP about need to think v carefully about things we say. Our LO also loves to try to touch his bits, she thinks it’s funny and that he stops her / tries to hide she thinks it’s a game. We’ve been conscious this could sound off if repeated but What do you about that? I guess needs to avoid being naked around her. Not always easy we’ve got a newborn and he takes DD swimming (I’m with baby)

Brilliant.

@Typeonesickofchocolate please don't take your nasty mood out on a teenager being brave enough to tell her own story.

No. It's about consent. A child is not able to consent in law.

Oh, do be quiet.