To hate the phrase "No Thank you"

[Wishingplenty]

I really hate the phrase "No Thank you" often said to a very young child, usually in a high pitched condescending tone, often when said child just wants to interact in a friendly manner with whoever is saying it's child.
Case in point, my 10 month old baby who has just started crawling, crawled up to a child about 3 and wanted to look at her boots. Mother of said child says loudly in a really high pitched condescending to tone oh "No Thank you" to my baby son.
Why say this to a baby? and why are you teaching your toddler to be totally unpleasant to a much younger child?
I have encountered this a few times to varying degrees with other children and just find it so utterly rude and nasty and most of all completely unnecessary!

It would genuinely be in yours, and any child’s best interests that they don’t touch my DSs without warning, because he would lash out.

I wouldn’t be offended by your baby, but would ask you to give us some space.

We do also use “no thank you” with him to stop (some) undesirable behaviour, so I don’t think that’s a weird sentence to use either. It’s definitely not a particularly harsh one.

Yes, I think it’s incredibly sad that parents put up boundaries between a 3 year old and a crawling baby. No one is saying that the three year has to stand there and watch the crawling baby chew their toys etc but why on earth bring a child to a playgroup if they aren’t actually willing to play with anyone?

This is not the same as insisting that a child hug an adult but some folks on here seem to be presenting it as such.

I haven't ever heard 'no thank you' (which look so harmless written down) spoken with venom, but it sounds quite chilling. I'd rather somebody said 'please don't do that, I don't like it', or in this case, 'please could you pick up your baby, my little girl doesn't like being touched.'

I would assume the 3 yo to have some kind of unseen neurodiversity or disability and the mother is trying to enforce boundaries, ultimately your baby does not get to approach and touch whoever they want because they are a baby. It is your job to manage your kid and that mum’s job to manage hers.

Exactly. Why direct the comment to the mother through a 10 month old baby? What's wrong with speaking to another adult 🤷‍♀️

I was intrigued with @Wishingplenty's post, but I see they are not meaning in general but only as it was said to her 10 mo. old DD.

I have to admit, I would have been a bit taken aback myself if another mum had said this to my crawling -aged baby, probably would have not liked it either.

However, if she knows her 3yr old doesn't like anyone coming up to her and touching her or her things,( she is 3) she would have to step in and say the politest thing ; such as "oh, no, thankyou".

Everyone, as well as her 3yr old DD, knows what that means, and I suppose she is teaching her child what to say while in her limited exposure to other people..

I wouldn't feel too badly about it, ( voice of experience here)!

You may have a reason to say something like that yourself sometime to make things nicer for your little one; just a thought 🙂

So to carry this forward logically, will your child be told that it’s fine to ignore the teacher if s/he tells the children to work in pairs if your DC simply does not want to interact with another child? This is ridiculous. It is not the same as making your DC hug or kiss granny.

Wow, mumsnet is such a strange place; bizarre responses here.
Why would it not be ok to a baby to interact with a 3 years old IN a PLAYGROUP??? It's sad that mothers think this way and what is concerning to me that most people on mumsnet think the same-hence the crazy responses.
Also, as a parent, if you have a problem with the situation, say it to the mother and don't send a "message" through the baby.

Op, I also hate the "no thank you" phrase. People should be able to say no..putting a thank you in the end to make it "polite" just makes it stupid.

My DC were never forced to hug or kiss anyone they didn’t want to.

But I would have expected them to be kind to a crawling baby for a few moments.

Bloody hell - what on earth is the point of anyone going to a baby and toddler group if they are all maintaining their boundaries?

Maybe baby groups should have circles drawn.. it'll be like covid all over again!

why are you assuming that the toddler hadn't been happily playing/interacting up to that point and wasn't just taking a time out for some reason?

All we know is that this interaction was refused by the toddlers mother.

Absolutely nothing rude with how that interaction was handled.

Tell me OP what would you have done if the 3 yr old started doing something you know that the prodigal infant who shall be welcomed by all baby didn’t really like, like grabbing its hands, waving in its face, trying to get it to play when you thought that the baby was tired/ overstimulated/ grumpy? I assume that you gasp wouldn’t have tried to suggest politely and in an entirely socially acceptable manner that the 3 yr old should stop it?

Bullying a baby??? Jeez. Snowflake parenting!

1. "No, thank you" is the standard phrase used to politely decline something.
2. She is entitled to have boundaries and is modelling to her child what politely asserting boundaries looks like.
3. Just because your baby is a baby doesn't mean that everyone else has to tolerate your baby doing whatever he/she wants.
4. Have you mistaken shock and surprise for "venomous contempt"? If someone let their baby touch my feet without asking first, I'd be shocked at the CFness of that person and might struggle to keep that shock out of my voice.

She could have gently moved or stopped the baby

The OP is apoplectic with the other parent saying "No thank you".
Can you begin to imagine what her response would have been if somebody touched her baby

Has to be a wind-up parodying all the "my precious child is the center of the universe and must never be denied any of their whims" parents, right? No one is this delusional.

"Bullying" for christsakes. C'mon.

Then why go to a baby group? Better to stay at home and avoid any potential social interactions.

If she'd said it when your child was six feet away crawling around on her own, I'd probably agree - not that it's rude, but that it's probably unnecessary (and ineffective). But it sounds as if your child was very close to the other child, perhaps even physically touching her, or her boots? In that case, it was appropriate. And polite.

Cruelty to babies??
FFS.
You have to be winding people up with this. Surely?

The woman said "No thank you". You are reacting as if she said "Fuck off vile creature" to the baby.

Bizarre thread. I think it's rude to a baby.
It's just condescending. As is this thread.
Sit away from that mother.

What a sad state of affairs when a baby at a baby group gets told off for exploring the world.
He was looking at her boots ffs.

I agree with your thoughts and sentiments entirely OP.

Far too much overuse of ‘boundaries’ these days when it’s entirely unnecessary.
A baby crawling up to a child for interaction should be welcomed and valued. The mum of the three year old would surely spontaneously model a kind reaction to the inquisitive baby for her child instead of teaching the child that a happy baby is something to have to keep away -like a vicious dog.

If her three year old is likely to lash out and hurt the baby, then the child’s mum could have talked to the baby’s mum directly to warn her.

It’s so sad that this happened at a baby group where the whole point is for babies and mums to interact. The three year old’s mum must have been in a poor frame of mind to react so awkwardly.
I hope there were others there who welcomed your baby nicely.

You'd be shocked if a baby touched your child's boot?! Have you lived quite a sheltered life?

I would argue modelling to her child that shock is the correct response to this particular situation would be seeing her end up with one very highly strung child.

Yes, I agree with this.

I have no idea why some people in this thread take their DC to groups if they think it is unacceptable for a baby to touch a 3 year old’s boots.

Perhaps OP is interpreting it over harshly - perhaps - but I’m not convinced, due to the number of posts on here that see this interaction as a terrible breach of boundaries. If there is some reason why the 3 year old must not have their boots touched at a baby group then I would expect the parent to explain nicely, not say ‘no thank you’!!!

When this happened to my preschoolers - and something similar happened to both of them at one point - I said something like ‘look, the baby likes the dinosaur on your shoes’ and I greeted the baby warmly to show my son how to respond. I wouldn’t have expected my son to then have to play with the baby for ages, but a kind phrase is what I demonstrated- as did other mums there. I don’t remember seeing anyone ‘protect’ their three year old from a crawling baby.