To hate the phrase "No Thank you"

[Wishingplenty]

I really hate the phrase "No Thank you" often said to a very young child, usually in a high pitched condescending tone, often when said child just wants to interact in a friendly manner with whoever is saying it's child.
Case in point, my 10 month old baby who has just started crawling, crawled up to a child about 3 and wanted to look at her boots. Mother of said child says loudly in a really high pitched condescending to tone oh "No Thank you" to my baby son.
Why say this to a baby? and why are you teaching your toddler to be totally unpleasant to a much younger child?
I have encountered this a few times to varying degrees with other children and just find it so utterly rude and nasty and most of all completely unnecessary!

I have a toddler the same age, it happens so often the smaller children to look mesmerised by something he is wearing, playing with, doing.

You can just say something along the lines “oh the baby likes your boots, she wants to see them! But we have to be careful, baby is smaller than you! Look as she doesn’t walk yet..” and slightly move the toddler. I’m all about teaching boundaries to my kid but also important for him to learn how to adjust his responses to smaller children, particularly during such inoffensive interactions. I would find the mum’s comment during a baby group odd too.

This

This too lol

Cruelty to babies? Are you actually joking? She said no thank you. She’s allowed to not want her toddlers things touched and potentially dribbled on. It’s ok to not be any other peoples babies all over their things. My 3 year old wouldn’t like it either.

I sincerely hope you never witness actual cruelty to babies. No one was rude. I wouldn’t particularly let my crawling baby fiddle with shoes anyway? They go outside, in the dirt and potentially worse?

I think you need to have a bit of a reality check.

No, that's not what OP described at all.

There was no sarcasm at all in the "no thank you" referred to in the OP. It was SIMPLY a POLITE request, both to the baby and the OP to get the baby to stop touching her 3yo's boots.

PMSL at the irony of this comment.

I can't get my head around how unreasonable you are being, whilst also thinking you have done nothing wrong. The woman was being strict and firm, but not rude.

@Wishingplenty

Go back 20+ years I guarantee you no one would display such harsh attitudes towards very young children, let alone a baby.

You have led a sheltered life. When mine were little (1990s) some people were very rude and unkind about children and towards children - from baby and toddler age, to primary and secondary school age. Much worse than the perfectly acceptable behaviour of this woman.

Ditto, when I was a child in the 1970s, children were told to be seen and not heard, and were smacked if they stepped out of line. Some people treated children like a nuisance. Some others simply ignored them as if they were nothing.

To normalise cruelty to babies, because that is what it is, even just in mental form, is so far out of my orbit, but sadly it is becoming mainstream which very sadly this thread proves! Barely 10 months old, and my baby is a nuisance, childhood is very very short indeed! 😢

People not wanting to interact with your baby is NOT cruel FGS.

A few grips are needed here. You are going to have to develop a much thicker skin as your baby gets older/bigger. Good luck when your DC have friends who they fall out with, and dealing with the aftermath, and the parents of the other children! Primary school is hard work, but Secondary school is brutal.

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To normalise cruelty to babies, because that is what it is…

This feels a tad extreme given the scenario.

Oh for goodness sake. She didn't tell the baby to go away, she requested, simply and succinctly, that the baby didn't touch her child's boots.

At what age do you consider it becomes reasonable to ask a child to stop touching something that doesn't belong to them?

Nobody told your baby to go away. You are a complete drama llama.

We'd back you to LTB if s/he actively bullied you this way.

That's up to the 3yo, not you!

@DadJoke · Today 19:32

I'm going to try this when I get home. Honestly, it could be thing in our household.
"Would you like a cup of tea?"
"No, thank you."
"How dare your treat me with such venomous contempt!"

😆

It literally was. OP said:

This. It was said in the same way as "You're Welcome" is usually said. In that really sarcastic nasty way.

Cruelty to babies?
Get a grip.

I taught my 1y old daughter to say no and push away any baby/child comming and touching her as she did not liked to be touched and everyone loved her curly hair.

Few mums throw a fit but shut up after being unable to explain why whould my child tolerate unwated touch from anyone.

I guess you would run away and cry after an interaction with us 🤣

I do think the mum was being blunt and talking to you. It was passive aggressive. And it really annoys me when mums bring older kids to a group geared towards much younger. Even if it is under 5, if you go to a group you should respect the general ages there.

But I'm saying that a toddler is not necessarily going gto respond to a baby a rational way. She may have been trying to preempt a situation. My toddler does not like her personal space being invaded whether by a 10 month old or 10 years old and will most likely just have a tantrum. I can explain that to an older child but I can't obviously explain it to a baby so I would expect the mum to step in.

I don't think YABU but I don't think the other mum was either.

I don't see anything wrong with it. On holiday, a toddler came up to us (in a pool cafe) and started chewing my son's croc (4 year old) which upset him. I used "no thank you". Not sure what would have been preferable? Telling the toddler to go away? Shouting for the parents who were nowhere to be found? When a small child is doing something upsetting to an older child or if the mother has identified her child will become upset through it (you have no idea if that child has a neurodiverse condition & struggles with contact), it is absolutely ok.

OP - genuinely - are you ok? Are you struggling with the new baby? Because what you have described was a perfectly normal interaction. It was not venomous contempt, it wasn't mental cruelty, it wasn't actively bullying, the mother is almost definitely not bringing up her daughter as the next Regina George.

If you're for real, I'm wondering if something else is going on in your life that's leading you to these extreme reactions about something that really isn't a big deal.

Cruelty to babies? For saying “no thank you”?
That’s just ridiculous.

Yes, I was responding to the poster who said that it was extremely silly and unkind to teach your child to assert boundaries, not necessarily to this particular instance.

However, there was nothing remotely wrong with the parent in question's "no thank you" and there are many things wrong with the huge overreaction from OP and her subsequent assertions that anyone who tells a baby to go away in ANY way whatsoever should not be having children and that the parent in question actively bullied her baby. Utterly insane.

This.

Would you have preferred that your unwelcome child to be kicked aside or told to fuck off?

It's a polite message to you to teach your child that it's not okay to go crawling up to random toddlers, who are indeed, more likely to kick them in the face.

New boots are very precious at a young age. Especially wellies I've found.

Having read the OP's replies to posters, I'm disinclined to believe that this was the case.

You're welcome can be said sarcastically, to imply that the other person should have said thank you.

No thank you has no such sarcastic equivalent. It simply means "don't do that" but is a polite way of saying it. Can you explain exactly how there could be any sarcastic way of saying no thank you?

Well, as you've only been a mother 7 years, you clearly have no knowledge whatsoever of what happened in parent and baby groups 20 years ago, do you?

Those of us who were there, can tell you, you are wrong.

But the hyperbole of phrases like display such harsh attitudes towards very young children, let alone a baby. and To normalise cruelty to babies, because that is what it is, even just in mental form are so utterly ridiculous that I don't think anyone on this thread can take you seriously.

As has already been said, if you are so wound up by someone politely hinting to you they don't want your baby to crawl all over their toddler, I really think it is you that ought to stay away from stay and play groups.

Agree @NewName24 ^

I'm not saying it was sarcastic, just that the OP did say it was.

She said in her OP that it was said in a condescending way and I can absolutely imagine the tone she is meaning here.

Yeah if a stranger, no matter baby or adult, had started to touch my youngest who has ASD and had a lot of struggles at that age with anyone even touching the sleeve of his coat, it wouldn't be rude to tell a baby to go away. Your baby wanting to touch strangers would not be more important than my toddler not being able to cope with that. Your baby is the centre of YOUR world, not anyone else's and you lack compassion for any kid who might struggle with the entitlement you have for your kids.

It’s not cruelty to babies to not want an almost 1yo crawling all over your child.

If she’d told your child to fuck off, then I’d think she was rude.

Saying no to a baby is not rude.