To hate the phrase "No Thank you"

[Wishingplenty]

I really hate the phrase "No Thank you" often said to a very young child, usually in a high pitched condescending tone, often when said child just wants to interact in a friendly manner with whoever is saying it's child.
Case in point, my 10 month old baby who has just started crawling, crawled up to a child about 3 and wanted to look at her boots. Mother of said child says loudly in a really high pitched condescending to tone oh "No Thank you" to my baby son.
Why say this to a baby? and why are you teaching your toddler to be totally unpleasant to a much younger child?
I have encountered this a few times to varying degrees with other children and just find it so utterly rude and nasty and most of all completely unnecessary!

Clearly the mum knew that her child didn't want yours in her personal space and given you were being too dense to realise and too rude to care, she was trying to give you the heads up that you needed to move your kid. She was probably worried that the 3 year old would become angry and frustrated and would whack you kid.

You are showing a lack of compassion for anyone else's child. Children including small toddlers, have a right to not be touched if they don't want to. Using No Thank you is teaching their child to assert their boundaries, clearly and politely.

Would you prefer people told you to keep your baby away from their child? Or said No, bad!

The woman said' 'No thank you', not 'Fuck off'!!!
Jeez, I think you might need an early night!

I have a 3yo and will often encourage him to say ‘no thank you’ if a person/ baby/ animal is causing him distress.

I know animals and babies don’t understand it, obviously, but it is also partly to alert me to his discomfort and a way to encourage him to sort out the problem without being physical, ie pushing away the other party.

I honestly can’t think of a better way to teach/ model to a 3yo how to uphold a personal boundary without stressing out/ being physical. What would you have preferred the other mum did in order to get your child to stop looking / touching her child?

I have a 3yo and will often encourage him to say ‘no thank you’ if a person/ baby/ animal is causing him distress.

I know animals and babies don’t understand it, obviously, but it is also partly to alert me to his discomfort and a way to encourage him to sort out the problem without being physical, ie pushing away the other party.

I honestly can’t think of a better way to teach/ model to a 3yo how to uphold a personal boundary without stressing out/ being physical. What would you have preferred the other mum did in order to get your child to stop looking / touching her child?

I think people are picking holes in everything the OP says because she gets more and more entitled, ridiculous and hard of thinking every single time she posts.

The woman didn’t tell her kid to ‘fuck off’. She used a polite and age appropriate way to tell the kid to leave. Really not a big deal. The OP is posting crying emojis and saying no one should EVER tell a baby to go away. Just utterly absurd. I don’t know how these people get through the day.

So it is now cruelty to your child? I do not believe that you are posting in good faith. Goodnight.

Do you have the capacity to take on board criticism @Wishingplenty?

You're not displaying any self awareness whatsoever on this thread, just castigating anyone who doesn't agree with you as 'not as nice as you.'

I would disagree.

I think there's probably another side to this. I wonder how the other mum would present this. Given your inability to see anyone else's point of view, I would hazard a guess you let your children do whatever they want and seem bewildered when others don't find them interesting.

I suspect the mum had no choice but to speak to the baby 'so cruelly' because you were oblivious to any other subtlety.

there could be ANY number of reasons the mum said 'No Thank You' to OP/OPs Baby.

Maybe her kid didn't want to interact, maybe they had a tendency to be aggressive when touched, maybe mom was getting ready to leave and didn't want her child distracted, maybe she didn't want the babys sticky fingers all over her kids boots, maybe she thought the baby would try and snatch something the toddler had? Who knows.

The point is, she was perfectly within her right to refuse the contact, the fact the OP disliked the tone is the OP's problem.

OP be deranged innit?

You show a basic lack or compassion or awareness.

You are only thinking of yourself and yours not anyone else around you. People wouldn't have to say these things if you just wised up and stopped the entitlement.

Frankly its people who don't actually get off their arse and parent their own child, just sit back and let them run wild stomping on basic boundaries to the point other parents have to step up to intervene and correct them are the ones that shouldn't have kids.

@stichguru Toddler could equally be not violent but being touched could result in a meltdown if child is ND, a trauma response if they are from an abusive background or any other range of reactions because they don't like being touched without their consent. No matter who touches them.

I don't understand all the bitchiness directed to OP. As if a 10 month old baby understands boundaries
She could have gently moved or stopped the baby so it wouldn't get hurt by a toddler who understandably might not know how to react but more appropriately she could have told HER child to be careful as the baby doesn't understand and we should be kind to them. I remember my mother talking affectionately about babies.

It's you who shouldn't have children and is lacking in compassion if you think this is in any way a sane and reasonable response.
This is how you raise rude, selfish, entitled, grabby children who think the world revolves around them.
God help your childrens teachers if this is how you raise them.

I work in early years and we use “No thank you” as a way to enforce boundaries and to show children that it’s perfectly polite to say No if some other child is doing something that you don’t want them to do , such as, touching your hair, or being handsy.

no thank you, short and sweet and to the point. It’s another way of saying Stop.

You are so self absorbed, not every adult and child is going to be as delighted by every action of your baby as you are! I know you can’t help it, but come on!!

They were perfectly polite, you take offence very easily . . .

No OP should have been watching, reacting to and stopping her own child long before that point.

OP failed to parent so someone else had too. I would say touching someone else child in a non emergency situation is FAR ruder than saying 'no'.

The other parent was actively handling the situation and parenting her own child, no one except OP is in the wrong.

"No thank you" isn't harsh, cruel or treating your baby like a nuisance. Honestly OP.

@Wishingplenty I'm sorry that was your encounter. 10 months old babies are usually quite inoffensive, so hopefully you'll meet nicer people as you go.

This thread is like exhibit 999 of why people are so damn sad and lonely. I truly hope these attitudes are not reflective of most people's daily interactions.

It wasn’t really directed at the baby, it was directed at you. Possibly you were distracted on your high horse and didn’t notice.

I can absolutely guarantee this was happening 20+ years ago. I can absolutely guarantee it was happening 40+ years ago. Baby crawling over a toddlers feet can cause a lot of pain to the baby from standing on fingers, to moving away and baby falling onto their face due to being unbalanced etc.

To normalise cruelty to babies,
Oh OP, too funny 😂

or not paying attention because EVERYONE should be worshipping her baby and showering them with love and attention because he/she is SO wonderful and EVERYONE ought to be paying attention and welcoming all advances regardless of their own childrens feelings.

I strongly suspect the other DM was worried her toddler might trample or trip over your baby if it was right by their feet. Mine was still very unsteady at 3.

it really isn't, the majority of us probably wouldn't have batted an eyelid, what we're trying to make clear to the OP is that the lady wasn't wrong, or rude, or cruel, or lacking compassion to rebuff her babies interaction with her toddler.

Wow this is peak Mumsnet 😂

Mental cruelty to say "no thank you" to a baby. Well I did need a laugh this evening.

I called my baby a little turd bag the other day, what would you call that I wonder 🤔