To hate the phrase "No Thank you"

[Wishingplenty]

I really hate the phrase "No Thank you" often said to a very young child, usually in a high pitched condescending tone, often when said child just wants to interact in a friendly manner with whoever is saying it's child.
Case in point, my 10 month old baby who has just started crawling, crawled up to a child about 3 and wanted to look at her boots. Mother of said child says loudly in a really high pitched condescending to tone oh "No Thank you" to my baby son.
Why say this to a baby? and why are you teaching your toddler to be totally unpleasant to a much younger child?
I have encountered this a few times to varying degrees with other children and just find it so utterly rude and nasty and most of all completely unnecessary!

That is just it. I don't think in any context it is right to tell a baby to go away ever, rude, polite or otherwise. Anyone that thinks so is seriously messed up and should not have children. It shows a basic lack of compassion

Yes, I would have been making sure my 3 year old was good with the baby - as it’s a three year old at a baby group!!!

Surely the whole point of baby groups is that very young children learn to socialise - not keep away from each other!!!

If this is what some folks think is great parenting, I’m bloody glad my two are long past this stage.

These replies have blown my mind, who can’t raise a smile for a little baby exploring 🤯

I think it’s more messed up that you believe everyone should entertain your baby and let them go over to them regardless of whether the toddler is ND, is known to hit and kick, or just doesn’t want to play.

You sound so entitled it’s almost funny.

Hmmmm 🤔

I am sorry but this is an absolutely crackers take. Many many people your child will encounter will want to tell them to go away and every single person will be well within their rights to do so, as long as they do it politely. That is because your baby is not the centre of the universe.

The sooner you, and your child, realise that the happier your life will be.

If the three year old is known to hit and kick then their parent should be in total control of them and if necessary perhaps warn the baby’s mum - but to say ‘no thank you’ to try to remove the baby is frankly appalling.

So if you’ve got a hot cup of coffee or you’re ironing/cooking etc and your child starts climbing all over you - would you just let it continue to do so, even though there’s a chance it could get seriously hurt?

No one is saying that the three year old should have to entertain the baby for the next ten minutes - but that a little interaction should be fine and not rejected summarily.

wow a whole thread about a non issue

Should the parent of the baby also be in total control, and didn’t the mum of the toddler control the situation by saying “no thank you” to the baby playing with their shoes?

Short of physically restraining a toddlers legs and arms, how else would she have “total control” if she knows her child may lash out and there was a baby nearby?

Are you quite alright, OP?

I might have said similar if a tiny one approached my eldest child when he was that age. He's profoundly autistic (diagnosed at 2, non-verbal still at 12) and tbh I might still say that if a baby got too close (though obviously we're not at baby groups now so unlikely)! I know it's not safe for the baby to be too close to him because he simply doesn't understand that other people have nerve endings and feelings etc, so I would move him away but also try to give signals to the baby's parent that this is a situation they need to be alert to. Usually I'd explain to the parent, assuming they were easily findable, but sometimes I just did not have the emotional energy to be everyone's autism explainer and deal with the pitying looks.
OP, it might not even be about you! Who knows what was going on with that lady. Most people aren't arses, in my experience, they're just blinkered by all the stuff they have going on. I'd relax and let it go.

I disagree actually. We should be teaching children that if they do not want to interact with someone - for whatever reason - they do not have to and they can politely tell that person - no matter what age that person is, to stop and respect their personal space. No child should have to tolerate physical touch that they don’t want and didn’t invite and they are very much allowed to say ‘no thank you’.

Safeguarding 101, surely? And it’s not about how much of a threat that person is/is likely to be but that your body is your own and you can say ‘no thank you’ at any point and that will be respected.

Look up the definition of bullying. Bullying involves deliberate, repeated behaviour, targeted at the same person. This was a once off interaction, it can't be bullying. Please don't use terms incorrectly as it causes confusion and can cause trouble as children get older.

Not if the child is likely to kick the baby in the face and the mum has spent all day so far trying to get the child to behaviour.

The baby groups in my area don't mix 3 year olds up with babies for that reason.

Go back 20+ years I guarantee you no one would display such harsh attitudes towards very young children, let alone a baby.
I have been a mother for 7 years now, and have managed in all that time to always be polite and kind, even in difficult situations with other people's children. It would never cross my mind to act in the way I experienced today.

To normalise cruelty to babies, because that is what it is, even just in mental form, is so far out of my orbit, but sadly it is becoming mainstream which very sadly this thread proves! Barely 10 months old, and my baby is a nuisance, childhood is very very short indeed! 😢

Reactive toddler that didn't want to be touched might.

So much face kicking going on in this thread. You guys all have some wild ass 3 year olds.

You seem to be saying that at a baby group carer and toddlers (and other babies?) always be willing to interact with a baby from the moment they enter until they leave.

Or is that further and everywhere? I and a number of other passengers were happy to interact with a toddler in an airport lounge. There was one person working on a laptop, did not get involved, may have said to go away at one point. Nobody including the parent thought it was rude at all, just she was working.

I've been a mother 18, and a carer of children for 23, and i can reliably inform you, you're wrong.

It is perfectly normal for another adult or child to rebuff the advances of anyone, baby, toddler, child, teen, or adult, that they don't want to interact with.

The fact that you've got to your age thinking everyone wants to/and should interact with your children regardless of their own feelings or circumstances is shocking.

Omg, the drama! Seriously OP, you need to get a grip. It’s alright not to think it was ok, but really, move on now! You are making this into something it really really isn’t. Do you not have any other problems in your life or something

The whole point of a baby group is for babies and toddlers to start to learn terms like “no” and realising what they mean.

Is it? I thought it was for children and their parents to interact with each other.

Don't worry OP, there aren't as many of these people IRL that share the views of many on this thread. The fact they are picking holes out of everything you say and being deliberately obtuse about how the phrase was meant is a typical MN pile on 🙄

God help you when your child starts school!

Baby bullying and mental cruelty indeed. This threat is batshit, I’m out.

So in no circumstances ever is it fine for a 3 yr old or their parent to politely tell a baby no thank you? Even if their child is going through a phase where they really don’t want a baby physically touching them/ are having a bad morning and are likely to react badly, like pinch or kick the baby, or push it away?

Given that lots of toddlers have phases/ days like this I think we can all agree that they shouldn’t just be confined to a padded cell- so what would you like a parent or the toddler themselves to do in that situation instead? Can you genuinely answer that?