How can I tell family(parents) we don't want to share pictures of our baby with them.

[1stpregnancywoes]

I know this may seem strange and some may disagree but it is our baby and we are very keen to make sure her privacy is paramount and she can't consent. Initially we shared images of our baby with family via WhatsApp. We told them no sharing online. One family member did not listen to this and shared the photo.
We now no longer even want to share images with family at all as people just can't be trusted.
My husband's parents have again asked to see pictures of her ( mind you they haven't even asked how she is in around 6 months (she is 6 months and 1 week old)

How can we word this? How can we tell people
We don't want to share any images of her online at all. And that when they come to our home that we do not consent to them taking pictures of her as we know they will show/share them.

Thank you in advance

Exactly, and the number of people (based on percentages of responses on this thread ) who remain oblivious to it is genuinely baffling.

Utter madness.

Reading shit like this really makes me miss the 80s and 90s. Basically, the times before bloody Facebook. When people didn’t feel to publicise their every burp and fart to all and sundry.

A baby can’t consent?! FFS. Did your baby consent to being changed? Bathed? Fed?

I think you're being ridiculous for denying all family photos for one person's actions but I think half the pp are equally ridiculous for minimalising what the rogue relative has done. This relative completely diregarded what is a significant request to safeguard your child. It doesn't matter whether it's the 50th Evie/Alfie born in the town, whether your child is adopted or whether you're actually princess Katherine. How f'ing dare they?! It's nobody but your decision if your child is on social media. It's a massive invasion of privacy and diregarding of a very reasonable parenting request.

I would Tell the offending relative clearly that you won't tolerate your boundaries being crossed and not allow any further images to them. With the rest of the family I'd explain that your no sm rule is 100% none negotiable. I would either continue sharing with other relatives or switch to something like snapchat where you're alerted if images are screenshotted.

I think you're absolutely right to set boundaries now OP or you'll be treading around these people for the rest of your life

You can choose who sees your baby. You can use disappearing messages in WhatsApp which can’t be screenshotted and can’t be downloaded as an option.

Once pictures are on the internet they are there forever. And anyone can do anything with them. Anything.

Sure, a random person could take a picture of OP's child in the street and post it online but that's extremely unlikely - and if people wouldn't be concerned by someone doing that then there's something seriously wrong with them.

No one should be posting pictures of anyone else's child on the internet. Isn't that just common sense - and manners? The entitlement of some people astounds me.

Your baby won't care that you shared pictures of them, even when they're an adult. Why would they?

But they might well grow to be bitter if you fill their childhood with unnecessary stress, rules and worry, or if half their family is estranged because you fell out with them over some nonsense.

It is your child, your choice, but be prepared for your choice to have a negative impact. I think it's a bad one, but you do you. To answer the question in your OP, there isn't a tactful way to tell your family they can't have pictures, or one that will make it seem like less of an odd choice. You'll just have to say it as it is and deal with their feelings and perspectives.

First, 100% agree you’re entitled to ask people not to post photos of your kids online. I asked a (distant) family member to take photos she’d taken of my kids off her Facebook.

In answer to your question about how should you word it, I think you’ve done a pretty good job already, though suggest amending ‘told’ to ‘asked’ and maybe say ‘because of the breach of trust’ rather than ‘as people just can’t be trusted’ - most people can if they respect you.

Initially we shared images of our baby with family via WhatsApp. We told them no sharing online. One family member did not listen to this and shared the photo. We now no longer even want to share images with family at all as people just can’t be trusted.

Ah thank you to each and everyone of you for taking the time to reply! Yes even the people who ridiculed my choices and made fun of them. I really was prepared for the onslaught of hate too as I know a lot of people have a difference of opinion and also.. the internet lol.

Yes there is a back story, I just don't feel the need to go into that much detail.

Thanks sooo much to anyone who did provide advice, it was actually really helpful. Also for going out of your way to share the horrors of the internet to the commenters who don't seem to get it, thanks a million! I couldn't have put it better myself. Children need to be protected and if that makes me a "loon, deranged, controlling" etc etc. I am ok with that lol

Dear God I’m glad you’re not my mother in law.

@BeeCucumber is right

Flipping this on its head if you're that much of an entitled arsehole that you're going to completely disregard a very reasonable safeguarding request from a baby's parent just to make yourself a bit more popular to online strangers then perhaps that baby is better off without you whoever you are ...

This is insanity. Absolute madness.

If you tell them they will treat you as if you were crazy (just like some commenters have already done). Just don't share them, invent excuses, be "lazy" with pictures, share pictures of their backs while on a beautiful trip or while doing something. If you go straight with a discourse, they'll keep nagging you: it's best to act like you "forget" or something lile this.
I think you are doing the absolutely right thing here: protecting your children, establishing consequences for those who ignore your boundaries.

Right back at you 😊

”You’re welcome to come and visit baby if you would like to see her. But we won’t be sharing pictures as we asked them to be kept private and they were published online. Let us know if you want to arrange to come over”

Would you not have a conversation with the person who posted the picture to remind them and also remind the family? Kind of feel like a reminder is the first step and only if people do it again would you go nuclear?

I am guessing at some point the op will start a thread where no relatives are interested in her child and the grandparents don't want to baby sit. This will be the start of it.

The real danger to your dd is when she is old enough to want to go on the internet and SM herself. When she's begging you at 10 to be allowed a smart phone because all her friends have one and she's being left out I hope you're going be worrying about her privacy just as much then. That's where the danger lies, not with a few baby pics shared with family.

By the way did she consent to be born OP? Do you really think she needs to give consent for you to share a photo of her with family when you didn't get consent to have her?

Ots good you have come back and not taken the name calling and really awful mockery to heart.

I am on your side. Someone in your family broke your trust. Presumably this is your 1st baby and she is 6 months old, so you are trying to work out what's best for your child.
I think some people have forgotten what this is like and feel being nasty to you is "funny"

Maybe have a little time to think about sharing photos with family members you do trust. - who definitely won't put them on Social Media.
I think sometimes when we are hurt, we automatically react
I certainly do that

There are some great ideas about using WhatsApp, print off photos or digital photo frame, that you may want to consider.
Grandparents, aunties, uncles, close friends love seeing photos from you

You are absolutely insane OP

Yep,this exact message OP.

people who want to keep pictures off the internet need to realise that ship has sailed.
We live in a society where everyone is photographed hundreds of times a day, every time you walk down the street you are filmed by people’s ring doorbells and those images and videos are uploaded to the internet.

Every time you walk into a shop, get on a bus, walk down the street in town you are filmed.

Saying that not putting pictures of your baby is somehow protecting them have created a false sense of security. The only thing you are achieving is alienating family.

Well, technically you can't take your baby out anywhere either, as there's cctv everywhere and they've not given their consent for their images to be recorded 🤷🏻‍♀️. They haven't given consent for the supermarket to record them being there either, so you shouldn't take them to the supermarket (or anywhere else)