Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Parenting

For free parenting resources please check out the Early Years Alliance's Family Corner.

Original poster

How can I tell family(parents) we don't want to share pictures of our baby with them.

489 replies

1stpregnancywoes · 20/09/2024 17:28

I know this may seem strange and some may disagree but it is our baby and we are very keen to make sure her privacy is paramount and she can't consent. Initially we shared images of our baby with family via WhatsApp. We told them no sharing online. One family member did not listen to this and shared the photo.
We now no longer even want to share images with family at all as people just can't be trusted.
My husband's parents have again asked to see pictures of her ( mind you they haven't even asked how she is in around 6 months (she is 6 months and 1 week old)

How can we word this? How can we tell people
We don't want to share any images of her online at all. And that when they come to our home that we do not consent to them taking pictures of her as we know they will show/share them.

Thank you in advance

OP posts:
Steelfrane · 20/09/2024 20:31

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines - previously banned poster.

Youcantcallacatspider · 20/09/2024 20:31

AnywhereAnyoneAnyTime · 20/09/2024 20:28

people who want to keep pictures off the internet need to realise that ship has sailed.
We live in a society where everyone is photographed hundreds of times a day, every time you walk down the street you are filmed by people’s ring doorbells and those images and videos are uploaded to the internet.

Every time you walk into a shop, get on a bus, walk down the street in town you are filmed.

Saying that not putting pictures of your baby is somehow protecting them have created a false sense of security. The only thing you are achieving is alienating family.

No, people need to keep other people off the fucking internet unless they have that person's permission, especially children. How hard is it to just not post pictures of people who don't want it?

Steelfrane · 20/09/2024 20:32

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines - previously banned poster.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

0-3 months old 3-6 months old 6-9 months old Babies & sleep
Nafotdbs · 20/09/2024 20:32

1stpregnancywoes · 20/09/2024 20:11

Ah thank you to each and everyone of you for taking the time to reply! Yes even the people who ridiculed my choices and made fun of them. I really was prepared for the onslaught of hate too as I know a lot of people have a difference of opinion and also.. the internet lol.

Yes there is a back story, I just don't feel the need to go into that much detail.

Thanks sooo much to anyone who did provide advice, it was actually really helpful. Also for going out of your way to share the horrors of the internet to the commenters who don't seem to get it, thanks a million! I couldn't have put it better myself. Children need to be protected and if that makes me a "loon, deranged, controlling" etc etc. I am ok with that lol

Edited

Balanced, classy response OP! Well done sifting through the trolls and people with absolutely no manners, finding the bits you find helpful and sticking to your boundaries!

Hope it goes well with the family and they respect your decisions in future. Wishing you the best of luck on the parenting rollercoaster. Probably won't be the last time you're going against the grain on something. Don't let that stop you, based on this you have pretty solid morals, manners and instincts!

Steelfrane · 20/09/2024 20:35

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines - previously banned poster.

Stravaig · 20/09/2024 20:35

Just don't share photos of your wee one. It won't affect anyone who has a genuine relationship with them, as they'll see them in person or via video call. You can also revive the old ways, and print selected photos as gifts for those you trust to have them.

Cut off the people who've gone against your wishes. There's no reason for anyone to be distributing photos of your child online, and it's not an innocent mistake given you explicitly refused permission.

It's great that you are thoughtful enough parents to care about this. So many people seem untethered from what is real and important in life.

The tide is beginning to turn against the sharing of kids lives without their consent.

NannyWanny1 · 20/09/2024 20:35

Perhaps the in laws don’t ask cuz thy know you won’t tell or show them their grandchild. - send them a photo independent of family wattsapp. I’m quite astounded tbh..

Thefaceofboe · 20/09/2024 20:37

Can’t imagine being this uptight, ffs.

Youcantcallacatspider · 20/09/2024 20:38

Shadesofautumn · 20/09/2024 20:30

Well, technically you can't take your baby out anywhere either, as there's cctv everywhere and they've not given their consent for their images to be recorded 🤷🏻‍♀️. They haven't given consent for the supermarket to record them being there either, so you shouldn't take them to the supermarket (or anywhere else)

That's totally different and unless you're an idiot you know full well it is. Social media images have the ability to destroy lives. Once they're out there there's no taking them back and no limit to how they can be used. It should 100% be up to a consenting individial whether they want to take this risk. I thought that the older generation understood this about social media more clearly than teenagers but apparently not...

SeptemberSunglasses · 20/09/2024 20:38

AnywhereAnyoneAnyTime · 20/09/2024 20:28

people who want to keep pictures off the internet need to realise that ship has sailed.
We live in a society where everyone is photographed hundreds of times a day, every time you walk down the street you are filmed by people’s ring doorbells and those images and videos are uploaded to the internet.

Every time you walk into a shop, get on a bus, walk down the street in town you are filmed.

Saying that not putting pictures of your baby is somehow protecting them have created a false sense of security. The only thing you are achieving is alienating family.

I don't put pictures of my child on social media and my family are not alienated from him in the slightest. They see him in person regularly and are allowed to take pictures of him, they just can't put the pictures on Facebook. It really doesn't have to be a big imposition and I'd find it strange if a family member had a huge problem with it.

Bs0u416d · 20/09/2024 20:40

Get your baby one of those masks from the masked singer. Then you can share photos ad infinitum.

Sittingontheline · 20/09/2024 20:40

TheFormidableMrsC · 20/09/2024 19:01

This is utterly bonkers. Consent? Do you ask for consent when you do a nappy change? If this is the hill you want to die on OP.....

This is actually exactly one of the hills I would die on. I wouldn't want someone else to document MY life online for anyone to see so why on earth would I do that to my kids?

If you can't separate basic needs of an infant such as nappy changing and the sharing of their images online with people they don't know then I don't really know what to tell you.

conflictedrenter · 20/09/2024 20:41

I don't get why people find this so ridiculous. I shared photos with my family and friends but they all knew they couldn't post any pictures on social media. The world is crazy and there are so many predators. See how many saves there are on baby pictures on tiktok and it's not because the child is cute..regardless don't have to justify why you don't want pictures posted. Your child, your choice.

OP to get around this you can send disappearing pictures on whatsapp. They can only view the picture once and it cannot be screenshot. My SIL does this.

AgainandagainandagainSS · 20/09/2024 20:41

OP, you can set WhatsApp photos to view once only if you are that adamant. But it's cruel not to share your child's development with loving grandparents.

Maray1967 · 20/09/2024 20:42

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines - previously banned poster.

No one was allowed to stick photos of my Dc on social media. SIL jumped in quick to stop DN as a teen doing it as she knew I didn’t want pics of him on Facebook.

Parents have the right to control what images of their DC are taken and whether they are shared. This is not the same as CCTV - presumably baby photos on Facebook are identified by name.

chaosmaker · 20/09/2024 20:46

@1stpregnancywoes I'm waiting for all the lawsuits to come of people that over shared their kids photos without consent - you know, cos they were too young. So I don't think you're weird at all. Haven't shared photos of myself for a long time on social media. Especially with the advent of AI where anyone can make your image into porn.

Calliopespa · 20/09/2024 20:46

ttcat37 · 20/09/2024 20:22

”You’re welcome to come and visit baby if you would like to see her. But we won’t be sharing pictures as we asked them to be kept private and they were published online. Let us know if you want to arrange to come over”

I understand both op’s concerns and why this poster worded this to include an invitation to visit; but in fact I wouldn’t op. I think it really backfires. It makes the baby sound like the Dalia Lama or something : “ photos are not permitted but you may request an in-person audience.”

I wouldn’t make an announcement.I’d just say something simple when asked for another photo such as “ we don’t want to send more photos because X posted them online which we explained we aren’t comfortable with.” You don’t need to offer a viewing session; of course they can visit.

Sittingontheline · 20/09/2024 20:47

MuchuseasaChocolateTeapot · 20/09/2024 19:15

I have a friend like this. Our children went o the same school and it was a nightmare for them to produce group photos for the school newsletter because friend wouldn’t agree for her children to be photographed.

Her daughter was an ‘exotic dancer’ in her late teens for a while so clearly didn’t have a problem with being seen.

Not saying there’s a correlation but……😂

I absolutely refuse permission for school / playgroup / camp etc to use my kids images online. I couldn't give a monkeys how much of a 'nightmare' it is for the newsletter. Posting online is not a right!

YesitsBess · 20/09/2024 20:47

@1stpregnancywoes my son is coming up on 16 and there have never been any pictures of him on social media until this year in a sports team group setting.

I did have to be very clear with family when he was little, intentions were good but some didn't understand the safeguarding issues and needed a polite but firm reminder. The whole family have a good relationship with him (and me!) and he's now old enough to make decisions about what is posted online and whether he is OK with it.

School were also fine with it, it's fairly standard safeguarding stuff these days but our Head was ahead of the curve for her time on enforcing that.

It's up to people to make that choice themselves, I certainly don't think badly of anyone who chooses to share pictures of their kids but it wasn't something I wanted for mine for various reasons.

Namechangeforthisone90 · 20/09/2024 20:49

I think if you’re still concerned the family member will do it again, I wonder if you and your partner made it as clear as possible how annoyed you were with them? Surely the person in question knows never to do it again?

Sorry OP, but I think you’re being unfair to not share any photos with the other family members or let them take photos. That means they have no photos of their grandchild/relative which I know our parents love to receive and look back at.

DBSFstupid · 20/09/2024 20:54

How bloody ridiculous and over the top. Honestly.

xyz111 · 20/09/2024 20:55

I would say one last firm stance that no pictures sent are to be put in the internet or you will not send any more. I think you're being mean though and risking family relationships to not send them pictures on WhatsApp though.

DBSFstupid · 20/09/2024 20:55

CrouchingTigerHiddenChocolate · 20/09/2024 17:34

"Hello, we have decided none of you are worthy of having photos of the next messiah. I shall be draping a blanket over my child until they are 18 and then they can decide if you're allowed to see their face. We will, however, require that you ask after the child, send presents, and otherwise be loving and involved"

I think I covered everything.

😂

Nafotdbs · 20/09/2024 20:56

YesitsBess · 20/09/2024 20:47

@1stpregnancywoes my son is coming up on 16 and there have never been any pictures of him on social media until this year in a sports team group setting.

I did have to be very clear with family when he was little, intentions were good but some didn't understand the safeguarding issues and needed a polite but firm reminder. The whole family have a good relationship with him (and me!) and he's now old enough to make decisions about what is posted online and whether he is OK with it.

School were also fine with it, it's fairly standard safeguarding stuff these days but our Head was ahead of the curve for her time on enforcing that.

It's up to people to make that choice themselves, I certainly don't think badly of anyone who chooses to share pictures of their kids but it wasn't something I wanted for mine for various reasons.

Out of interest, does he have peers who have appeared online? And has there been any chat/adverse affects about it?

I only have DNphew as an example, which is a very small pool to reference, so genuinely interested in someone else who has kids in their teens who grew up in a time where the impact may not have been as considered. I know at the time when my sister said no photos on social media I thought she was being a bit controlling but she was totally right!

DreamTheMoors · 20/09/2024 20:58

Calling the OP ridiculous and deranged because one of her relatives betrayed her trust.

If that don’t beat all.

Y’all need to check your own selves out.