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Original poster

How can I tell family(parents) we don't want to share pictures of our baby with them.

489 replies

1stpregnancywoes · 20/09/2024 17:28

I know this may seem strange and some may disagree but it is our baby and we are very keen to make sure her privacy is paramount and she can't consent. Initially we shared images of our baby with family via WhatsApp. We told them no sharing online. One family member did not listen to this and shared the photo.
We now no longer even want to share images with family at all as people just can't be trusted.
My husband's parents have again asked to see pictures of her ( mind you they haven't even asked how she is in around 6 months (she is 6 months and 1 week old)

How can we word this? How can we tell people
We don't want to share any images of her online at all. And that when they come to our home that we do not consent to them taking pictures of her as we know they will show/share them.

Thank you in advance

OP posts:
Canonlythinkofthisone · 20/09/2024 19:37

I honestly thought the comments would swing the other way on this. Genuinely surprised people think the OP is in the wrong

katepilar · 20/09/2024 19:39

I would be furious if someone shared a photo of my child /or myself or my family/ on social media.
Not sure how to explain to people who dont get it though,

Ucchildcare · 20/09/2024 19:40

Why is the majority of people on here absoulutely vile???. If someone doesn't want pictures of their child online I really don't see what the issue is?

Can most of you not read? The OP has said they have previously sent pictures to family members, one of which disregarded their wishes.

Why is everyone on this site always tearing people down? Are you all so unhappy in your own lives you feel the need to come on here and rip into people? I can almost guarantee none of you would do this if you were standing face to face with the OP. And I'm guessing most you are mums as well, do you let your children berate people online?

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SeptemberSunglasses · 20/09/2024 19:41

MuchuseasaChocolateTeapot · 20/09/2024 19:15

I have a friend like this. Our children went o the same school and it was a nightmare for them to produce group photos for the school newsletter because friend wouldn’t agree for her children to be photographed.

Her daughter was an ‘exotic dancer’ in her late teens for a while so clearly didn’t have a problem with being seen.

Not saying there’s a correlation but……😂

There are usually a few children in most schools who can't be photographed for public things due to very valid safeguarding reasons. It shouldn't be a 'nightmare' for the school but standard practice for any children in foster care or anything like that.

Lellamir · 20/09/2024 19:44

My first born is 30. Back then, photos has to be developed. They couldn't be sent to, and seen by, everyone in the world.

My mum asked to keep a pack of photo's, to show her friends - she took them to the pub and showed his 'father', who had walked away when I was 4 month's pregnant - so I get the feeling of betrayal.

The world is different, now. The internet has changed it.

YANBU

FloatyBoaty · 20/09/2024 19:45

RickyGervaislovesdogs · 20/09/2024 18:58

You won’t be able to police this going forward. You know that don’t you? Schools will ask, parents don’t care, they’ll take your child’s face and spread it everywhere. Just saying.

Doesn’t happen at my kids school. We’re asked by the school about photos. And out of school, whilst we’ll take pics of the kids at parties etc, everyone always asks, they get shared only in the party WhatsApp group, but never on social media. But maybe I just struck lucky with sensible parents!

AnywhereAnyoneAnyTime · 20/09/2024 19:46

You’re being ridiculous but there is a simple solution.
when you send the pictures on WhatsApp make the setting “view once”.

Thunderpants88 · 20/09/2024 19:46

Ridiculous but set the picture to “view once” on WhatsApp and people can’t screenshot

Silvers11 · 20/09/2024 19:47

@1stpregnancywoes - I understand completely, that you don't want photos of your baby plastered over Social Media, but I do feel that you are being completely over the top with a blanket no photos, by anyone, ever. Even using their own phones.

By all means refuse them to the family member who broke your trust - although I would probably give them one more chance. But not to everyone else.

I cannot believe you could be so unkind - and it would be both unkind and very cruel - as to not let both sets of parents, siblings etc take photos of your baby. Of course people will want to show their friends photos of your baby. It's natural - and that is no different to your friends looking in the pram, looking at photos you have taken etc.

You will find this a very, very difficult thing to put in place without falling out irrevocably with your family members. Is that what you want? That your baby doesn't get to know her close relatives, because you have caused a huge falling out with this decision. yes it is your decision to make - but few people will understand the blanket ban on any photos. And you will be taking photos - so it's nothing to do with your baby 'not giving permission', so don't use that as a reason to your family, because that will make it worse, I'm sorry

oakleaffy · 20/09/2024 19:48

Insanity.

Is the baby highly recognisable in some way?

-if not, they all look very similar at that age, no one outside the immediate family is going to be remotely interested in a pic of a strangers baby.

NoWordForFluffy · 20/09/2024 19:48

Bat. Shit. Crazy. 🤪

MuchuseasaChocolateTeapot · 20/09/2024 19:49

Nafotdbs · 20/09/2024 19:23

Much more the done thing now, at least where I am. In DS (6) class of about 28 I'd say fewer than 1/4 have permission for photos to be shared online. Any which go on the school social media are backs of heads etc or just not included that child at all. Then a solid 1/3 don't have permission for their photos to be shared at all so their faces are blurred out if included in the newsletter.

We went to an art event recently where kids where making things and there was a photographer capturing their work. She was exclusively taking photos of their hands, or asking them to hold their drawing so their faces were covered etc and always asking parental permission . It feels like another bubble I didn't know I was in until this thread, just thought it was the norm/done thing these days since the message about the reach of social media, growing threats about AI and deep fakes etc. Yet it would appear not!

Show quote history

To be fair I’m going back a while when the newsletter was a printed black and white sheet of A4 in a satchel, so obviously not widespread via the internet. My friend was worried perverts were going to ‘use’ the images.

oakleaffy · 20/09/2024 19:50

Silvers11 · 20/09/2024 19:47

@1stpregnancywoes - I understand completely, that you don't want photos of your baby plastered over Social Media, but I do feel that you are being completely over the top with a blanket no photos, by anyone, ever. Even using their own phones.

By all means refuse them to the family member who broke your trust - although I would probably give them one more chance. But not to everyone else.

I cannot believe you could be so unkind - and it would be both unkind and very cruel - as to not let both sets of parents, siblings etc take photos of your baby. Of course people will want to show their friends photos of your baby. It's natural - and that is no different to your friends looking in the pram, looking at photos you have taken etc.

You will find this a very, very difficult thing to put in place without falling out irrevocably with your family members. Is that what you want? That your baby doesn't get to know her close relatives, because you have caused a huge falling out with this decision. yes it is your decision to make - but few people will understand the blanket ban on any photos. And you will be taking photos - so it's nothing to do with your baby 'not giving permission', so don't use that as a reason to your family, because that will make it worse, I'm sorry

Even when shown a pic of a baby, what do friends do?
Say ''Oh, that's sweet'' and forget about it.

Same with puppy and kitten pics.

'That's sooo cute!' and move on.

Cantsleeper · 20/09/2024 19:51

Not sure why people are being such arseholes about this, I think it’s just common sense to keep pictures of children off the internet.

DoTheDinosaurStomp · 20/09/2024 19:51

I'd share with family except the one who went against your wishes and shared your babys photo on social media.

PeachyKeane · 20/09/2024 19:53

Silliest thing I have ever heard..... all babies look the bloody same to outsiders anyway 😆

thursdaymurderclub · 20/09/2024 19:56

there are other reasons why people dont want their babies on social media.. a close relative has adopted and SS instruct them. not to post photos and to not share too widely

Uselesssil · 20/09/2024 19:56

Moveoverdarlin · 20/09/2024 18:03

Bonkers decision OP. Don’t be moaning on here in a few years time when they don’t offer to babysit or don’t ask how they are.

Your child is loved, their grandparents want to see pictures of them. Thats normal. My in-laws have never asked to see a picture of my kids and as a result my kids couldn’t care less about them.

I’d carry on sending pictures and say ‘don’t post on social media please…’

Of course the OP won’t want anyone babysitting, or talking baby out in a pram, or even visiting, as they will be afraid someone takes a photo of their child. At least gp’s or other family members, don’t need to be worried they will be asked for help child minding, if OP goes back to work.

padampada · 20/09/2024 19:58

😂😂😂

Sittingontheline · 20/09/2024 19:59

I don't know why so many replies on here are calling this ridiculous OP - I'm totally with you! I made the decision when my two were born that they would never be posted on social media. My family have respected that (some grumbling more than others) and so we do have a private online group for just family. But if one of them were to break my trust and share photos when I had explicitly asked them not to I'd be livId and they would be removed sharpish!

amothersinstinct · 20/09/2024 20:01

You need to unclench OP

NiftyKoala · 20/09/2024 20:02

CrouchingTigerHiddenChocolate · 20/09/2024 17:34

"Hello, we have decided none of you are worthy of having photos of the next messiah. I shall be draping a blanket over my child until they are 18 and then they can decide if you're allowed to see their face. We will, however, require that you ask after the child, send presents, and otherwise be loving and involved"

I think I covered everything.

I think this sums it up perfectly lol

cuu · 20/09/2024 20:03

JerryCanDo · 20/09/2024 17:58

This

It's sick

Nsky62 · 20/09/2024 20:04

1stpregnancywoes · 20/09/2024 17:28

I know this may seem strange and some may disagree but it is our baby and we are very keen to make sure her privacy is paramount and she can't consent. Initially we shared images of our baby with family via WhatsApp. We told them no sharing online. One family member did not listen to this and shared the photo.
We now no longer even want to share images with family at all as people just can't be trusted.
My husband's parents have again asked to see pictures of her ( mind you they haven't even asked how she is in around 6 months (she is 6 months and 1 week old)

How can we word this? How can we tell people
We don't want to share any images of her online at all. And that when they come to our home that we do not consent to them taking pictures of her as we know they will show/share them.

Thank you in advance

Extreme behaviour, she is a member of the royal family, with protection!, they have friends and will be proud of her.
She will be exposed at school, playgroup, nursery, she won’t be focused solely, just part of a crowd.
Where does your extreme behaviour come from?

LEWWW · 20/09/2024 20:05

Surely anyone could take a picture of your DD (as long as she is in a public place) and then post her photo online? I’m sure I read somewhere saying that people could do that.

I think not sharing photos with everyone for one persons actions isn’t great tbf however your boundaries that you give your family when it comes to your daughter should be respected.

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