How can I tell family(parents) we don't want to share pictures of our baby with them.

[1stpregnancywoes]

I know this may seem strange and some may disagree but it is our baby and we are very keen to make sure her privacy is paramount and she can't consent. Initially we shared images of our baby with family via WhatsApp. We told them no sharing online. One family member did not listen to this and shared the photo.
We now no longer even want to share images with family at all as people just can't be trusted.
My husband's parents have again asked to see pictures of her ( mind you they haven't even asked how she is in around 6 months (she is 6 months and 1 week old)

How can we word this? How can we tell people
We don't want to share any images of her online at all. And that when they come to our home that we do not consent to them taking pictures of her as we know they will show/share them.

Thank you in advance

I don’t think it’s fair that you expect them to take an interest in a child whom you won’t send a picture of. A relationship is give and take.

I respect not to share photos, but you will break the grandparents hearts if they cannot have photos. I love the pictures of my grandchildren and look at them constantly (in private). I suggest you loosen up a bit and stop being so controlling and precious. Otherwise you will end up alienating everyone, including your child

The amount of people on this thread who are unaware of the dangers of images of children being manipulated for nefarious purposes is worrying. The OP was happy to share photos via WhatsApp until a family member ignored her request to post online. Her concerns are legitimate and even if people disagree, which is their right, there’s no need for all the nastiness.

Also just to say we asked the police at the time how young some of the people appearing in the images were and the answer was newborns. Actual newborns.

Saw it in a speech from Blake Lively too. Food for thought perhaps. Or something for more people to add to their list of things they think are batshit.

m.youtube.com/watch?v=hMVHz-1I1zY

Can you not just say that as someone has shared on social media when asked not to, you wish to be clear about that rule and if everyone agrees to abide by it you are happy to send pics and for them to take them?

Were they the ones who shared her photo online? If not this seems incredibly mean.

I do hope that you and your husband never take any photos of your baby. Baby hasn’t consented for you to do that. I also hope that you don’t touch her, hold her, kiss her…… she hasn’t given consent to that either.

Crikey. I printed photos of my children every three months and posted regular photos to all grandparents for about 5yrs!

Another idea OP, we bought the grandparents a digital photo frame which we send photos to, so they get updated images straight to their lounge. Honestly never gave the security of it much thought but Christmas is coming, so that might be a winning idea? They get regular photos but not on their phones so not so easy to break the rule about sharing them against your wishes.

I have a friend like this. Our children went o the same school and it was a nightmare for them to produce group photos for the school newsletter because friend wouldn’t agree for her children to be photographed.

Her daughter was an ‘exotic dancer’ in her late teens for a while so clearly didn’t have a problem with being seen.

Not saying there’s a correlation but……😂

Id
give them another chance. I'd say ' please can you keep pictures between us and not for FB. We know how much you want to share xyx but we're keen to keep her off SM until she's old enough to decide.

It's really important to realise that not everyone worships your child and will only try so much. That includes grandparents. You have got to make it appealing, you have got to include and involve them and make them feel part of babies life. Otherwise what happens is they see baby like an ornament and usually struggle to bond well.

I've had family act weird and like kids are ornaments to us and then could never understand why we just gave up wanting to spend time.

I agree with your feelings about FB. But you need to handle it a bit more lightheartedly as you're coming across like a nightmare.

Paris more likely

Nobody is saying that. They are perfectly entitled to not want photos on SM and that is personal choice. But to ban the entire family seeing photos of a child because one person was an idiot and start going on about consent is quite another matter. Where do you draw the line? Put a blanket over the pram in case somebody dares look in?

When you’re a bit of a loon (neurotic, anxious, worriers), you need to be with someone who is a rational, calming influence. What the OP has posted is what happens when two loons find each other, either that of one is heavily pandering to the other for a quiet life.

I am the loon in our relationship, it would be a nightmare if we were both worriers, think we’d cease to function.

Is your fullstop sticking? Or are you unsure about punctuation? Babies don’t look similar; that’s how everyone gets theirs back at the end of daycare. Babies tend not to have long hair. Other than that there is as much variation as the rest of us.

Much more the done thing now, at least where I am. In DS (6) class of about 28 I'd say fewer than 1/4 have permission for photos to be shared online. Any which go on the school social media are backs of heads etc or just not included that child at all. Then a solid 1/3 don't have permission for their photos to be shared at all so their faces are blurred out if included in the newsletter.

We went to an art event recently where kids where making things and there was a photographer capturing their work. She was exclusively taking photos of their hands, or asking them to hold their drawing so their faces were covered etc and always asking parental permission . It feels like another bubble I didn't know I was in until this thread, just thought it was the norm/done thing these days since the message about the reach of social media, growing threats about AI and deep fakes etc. Yet it would appear not!

Same. Mostly because the grandparents didn’t use email/ what’s app etc. But it’s possible.

I know this may seem strange and some may disagree but it is our baby and we are very keen to make sure her privacy is paramount and she can't consent. Initially we shared images of our baby with family via WhatsApp. We told them no sharing online. One family member did not listen to this and shared the photo.

Why? Your baby did not consent to being created either. Nor to anything else concerning them. And what horrible thing do you think will happen if pics of a baby are shared?

Also, all babies look quite alike, until they are older. Having to look at pics of someone else’s baby is usually excruciatingly boring for all but the parents and (maybe) grandparents, so most non-related people have a quick glance, enthusiastically squeal ‘adorable’, and have no recollection of the appearance of the infant.

You can share photos on WhatsApp and set them to view once only, then they get deleted

my DD and her husband have made the decision that their babies face will never appear on social media. they made this very clear before baby arrived and are very strict with this.

we do have a whats app group and share photos that way and they also provided both sets of grandparents with an interactive photo frame, so they upload photos to the frame app and it displays on our screens here at home.

they are happy for pictures with the baby in as long as baby is hidden.. i've become adept at taking a photo without babie's face in it and the use of emoji's etc..

they do trust that we do not share phtos with other people and its become habit now! We fully support their decision.. their baby their rules

i might add my DIL and SS also have a child and are happy for him to appear on any social media platform and i always ask if its ok to share a photo before i do..

That’s exactly what I thought @SundayGirl86

I suspect some of the mockery is to convince themselves it wasn’t stupid to plaster their own Dc all over SM with birthday details etc.

I think sending to family directly is reasonably safe ( though nothing is completely safe esp if others want to do things with the image). But online is just shortsighted and I’m stunned by what a hard time op is getting.

While I understand why you feel as you do, OP, I feel that if you want to exert this level of control over people, you are going to find life difficult.

you can adjust the settings on whatsapp so that the image is only viewed once

Christ. Is this PPD?

This really isn't normal

Contact people directly who post your child online and ask them to take the pictures down. I have done this for my child once or twice as I've chosen not to put him on social media and occasionally people don't get the memo, it's usually an innocent mistake.
I do send pictures in private messages though.

There are sometimes very valid reasons not to want pictures of your child online.