How can I tell family(parents) we don't want to share pictures of our baby with them.

[1stpregnancywoes]

I know this may seem strange and some may disagree but it is our baby and we are very keen to make sure her privacy is paramount and she can't consent. Initially we shared images of our baby with family via WhatsApp. We told them no sharing online. One family member did not listen to this and shared the photo.
We now no longer even want to share images with family at all as people just can't be trusted.
My husband's parents have again asked to see pictures of her ( mind you they haven't even asked how she is in around 6 months (she is 6 months and 1 week old)

How can we word this? How can we tell people
We don't want to share any images of her online at all. And that when they come to our home that we do not consent to them taking pictures of her as we know they will show/share them.

Thank you in advance

I wish my children had a grandparent like you!

The selfish person is the one that shared it online
My friend doesn't post photos of her children's face online, her mum knows that and so they will only share photos with back of head etc because she respects her daughters choice
It's for various reasons including her husband's job

If the extended family are content to not visit or be involved with the child merely because they were not sent photos, then they are really not interested enough. Surely not having photos if your gc or niece/nephew isn’t going to mean you refuse to see them.

Bullies can always find something to target. If there aren't baby photos, they will pick on your hair, your pencil case, the way you eat with a fork, the contents of your packed lunch, your clothes, accent, literally anything. Bullies decide who to target and then tailor the bullying to the target.

Don't think that refusing to let your family see photos of your baby will in any way protect them from potential future bullies.

Except you know, the obvious way in that there won't be a load of information readily online to give the bullies additional ammunition 😁assuming those relatives you refused to share photos with are the entitled types who go against your wishes and post stuff online despite you expressly asking them not to....

I suppose I can see what is happening with the OP and her family; it's very different to mine because for a start, none of my extended family (which is small) uses social media. We don't post photos there at all, they're only posted between us on a whatsapp group. That is where I'm coming from and I haven't experienced the same issues as OP because my family operates differently.

My point was in relation to OP's daughter because it is so, so easy to cause rifts within a family but that said, family members shouldn't be sharing photos outside the family. I don't get it, what's to 'boast'' about even? A family baby is surely only special for those family members?

If OP's extended family are taking and sharing photos with friends then they're rightly not going to be provided with that opportunity in future. I read OP's first post and thought it was a bit 'gung-ho', a veto to family of "We have decided that none of you can be trusted therefore only husband and I have access to photos of baby", and wanted advice as to how to tell them that they weren't going to have photos any longer. If there were family members who weren't guilty of sharing photos around then I imagine they would rightly feel aggrieved, I certainly would.

I don't think the argument of 'consent' is much cop because if it is, OP shouldn't be taking photos either and it just sounds like a possessory thing which as a family member I would back right away from with no regrets.

Handling this so that it doesn't blast a grenade into the extended family is going to need deftness, not foot-stamping, not unless OP/husband are happy to estrange themselves.

OP, I wish you well with this, I can see where you're coming from but you need to really think about the outcome that want or are at least prepared to live with and work backwards from there. Good luck!

Don't be so mean!
And weird!
Reiterate you don't want your baby's pictures to be shared and let your family have the possiblity of a loving relationship with her

Find a stock photo of a baby on the internet & send them that. Bonus points if you photoshop yourself in.

Why is getting photos being held up as the means to develop a meaningful relationship? My mum had about a dozen photos taken of her growing up and I’m not sure any were shared; they sat in silver frames on my grandmother’s dressing table. Some previous generations were never even photographed . WAAAAY too much is being made of the necessity of photo sharing in developing family ties.

Reading this thread it's clear that the (stupid) majority have no clue about online safety and that the online harms bill is long overdue...

@Calliopespa is right, their generation had no photos and sharing. The @1stpregnancywoes has already said they just want photos to look like they are caring grandparents to their friends, not actually go and see their grandchild on real life!

I get it OP I'm in a similar situation with husbands family. They don't understand boundaries, post pictures online despite us never doing it, send pictures to tiger distant relatives etc. So I said to my husband we aren't sending them any pictures (they also live in Portugal and we are in the UK). My husband just said that we don't like sending pictures on the Internet etc but happy to a video call evrey day/every other day.

That is true, Calliopespa. I think that what's happened is that the world has moved on - and not in a good way - to social media for every utterance and tiny event. That's become normal behaviour and so established is it that for families that use it to then be denied an aspect that they deem important, is what is causing the issue.

I agree with you totally, photos in frames, they were the thing and in my opinion, we're sadder as a society for not sticking with that.

I had my mum send picture of my severely ill newborn to people I didn’t speak to, people I didn’t know etc. Instead of punishing the whole family groupchat, I just sent them as disappearing pictures on WhatsApp and individually to my sisters etc. That’s what worked for me.

Going out for a walk with your baby really isn't the same as posting their photo online, is it?

Send physical pictures through the post in cards. That's what we did. You can get print outs from your phone very easily.

Would you be happy sending a few actual photos- you could get a few printed so they’re not electronic and as easily shared on line?

What is wrong with people. A proud gran or auntie wanting to show off your lovely baby 🤦🏼‍♀️. You are way out of line here.

I got teenagers and they were pretty much the first ones of all generations with digital pics and online presence. So many of their parents, myself included were very careful what pictures we shared online, only for the kids to be sharing their buttholes and everything else in between on socials. And people that say “my kid is so good and doesn’t have/share anything online”, there’s a an alarm clock I’d like to introduce you to for your wake up call when you find 3 hidden TikToks accounts behind the one you know.

I’ve noticed a lot of responses saying you’re being ridiculous. You’re not. I’m the exact same way with my child- once they’re online the photo can be used by companies or other people for their own use (e.g. scam accounts, advertising, etc.) To think this isn’t a real thing is naive and ignorant of people. Also, if they cannot give consent, you have no consent.
I share photos through private messages such as WhatsApp but those people have always respected my boundaries. If you’re worried about people missing out, maybe just limit it to the people that have still respected your rules and explain to the person who hasn’t why you no longer feel comfortable sending them photos.
Besides, if people want to see them so much, they can see them in person.
As for people judging you, they can share their children’s photos for likes, but it’s your child and your choice.

First post nailed it.

Did your baby consent to you taking pictures or do you only need their consent to share?