How can I tell family(parents) we don't want to share pictures of our baby with them.

[1stpregnancywoes]

I know this may seem strange and some may disagree but it is our baby and we are very keen to make sure her privacy is paramount and she can't consent. Initially we shared images of our baby with family via WhatsApp. We told them no sharing online. One family member did not listen to this and shared the photo.
We now no longer even want to share images with family at all as people just can't be trusted.
My husband's parents have again asked to see pictures of her ( mind you they haven't even asked how she is in around 6 months (she is 6 months and 1 week old)

How can we word this? How can we tell people
We don't want to share any images of her online at all. And that when they come to our home that we do not consent to them taking pictures of her as we know they will show/share them.

Thank you in advance

If you're that concerned about your daughter's consent OP then you and your husband should also NOT be taking photos of her.

Back in reality, you're setting your daughter up to have limited or no extended family so I hope you are prepared for that. You're treating your family - en bloc - as if you don't trust them. I wouldn't put up with that and I'd let you go your merry way but I wouldn't visit for fear of breaking another of your 'rules'.

You can manage this however you want to but know that the control you're cleaving to will dissipate once your family distances from you - and sadly your daughter. It is her that will miss out.

Be careful what you do next. For your daughter's sake.

Once again, thanks so much for all the replies. This has definitely been an interesting threat to read through! I have read every single comment. The insults, I expected, and am not in the slightest ruffled by this. But to the people commenting and explaining the reality of what can go wrong I truly appreciate it. There was one specific comment that I wanted to highlight from @Nafotdbs s who sums up really nicely.
"While a baby obviously cannot give consent, in an era where ‘the absence of a no does not mean yes’, perhaps we should assume that until they can actively consent, we do not have it, and should refrain from sharing content whose effects we cannot control. Again, not pertaining to actions equating to personal hygiene, nutrition and person safety, but certainly to things which are superfluous, like posting pictures on the internet."

I may as well clarify to satisfy any curiosity.
I watched my in laws 2 minutes after meeting her for the first time, taking a picture and sending it to a friend of theirs, someone we don't even know. We have explained to them that we do not wish for our child to have an internet presence and they repeated to do it.

And as well as that my own mother point blank after being asked to not to share online etc put her picture online.

We have sent images to the in laws. However they have shown zero interest in her despite us trying. I can only surmise that images are more important than say, video calls, or even coming to see her which I can say categorically we want to happen.

Anyway didn't need to explain but I can see how curious everyone is. Not interested in changing anyone's opinions. But thank you to anyone who understands and resonates with our
concerns.

You tell your family you don't want a digital footprint for your child. My daughter feels the same with my granddaughter. The only way photos are shared are printed photos from a proper camera. I respect her wishes its fine. You aren't being over thr top to maintain your child's privacy.

Can’t you print photos off and then send them to family?

How have so many people missed the news and related stats about people sending pictures of children being sexually abused? People search the internet for pictures of babies, children. Some people have very public fb profiles, do not keep their fb friends lists private. People on here need to stop mocking the op and wise up to the horrid reality of this global crime

Wow that is controlling! What are you scared of? Are you going to keep this up when she goes to school? Pulling her out will stigmatised her.

I have two adopted children. Birth father was dangerous and we were told to be careful. But we didn't want the children to miss out and we relaxed over the years when absolutely nothing ever happened.

You are not facing any similar concerns.

Oh for goodness sake, I feel sorry for them. What’s the matter with you?

A bit OTT OP. Grandparents aunts and uncles enrich a child's life immensely.
Please don't talk yourselves into estrangement it's an awful consequence.

Regardless of whether people agree with op about sharing photos online or not, please remember that they are the parents, and it is entirely up to them how they want to bring up their child. If a member of the family doesn't abide by their wishes, then they don't get another chance. I do get the feeling that there is more to the story than just sharing photographs. Are there underlying animosity in the family that might be influencing your thoughts op?

At the end of the day OP, it’s your baby and it’s your decision. Just because other people (myself included) are happy to share pictures with family and friends doesn’t mean that you have to be. As others have said, printed pictures are an option, but it doesn’t stop them taking pictures of those and posting them. I would be quite upfront with them. You set a boundary that they crossed and there are consequences to that. Tell them you’d love for them to come and spend time with the baby, but you won’t be sending any images until you’re satisfied they won’t be shared with anyone else.

I understand your concern about not sharing your baby on social media as you don't know who can get hold of the pictures...and you can't trust your family to respect your wishes. Maybe give one more chance in the family Whatsapp and reiterate that the images are for them only and not to be shared on social media. If they ignore you and share them then yes I agree to stop sending them as they're not respecting your boundaries. If it's just one family member sharing them on social media, stop sending pictures on the family chat and send individually but not to the person who shared them. I think that's fair enough. And if they moan simply say you're not respecting my boundaries.

I have 3 grandchildren and have never thought to post any photos on social media.

To add another comment especially to those saying OP is OTT. It is known that people take pictures of children that they find online and edit them to look sexual to be used by pedophiles. You can never be too careful with what you put online, it can be a very dark place unfortunately.

Best answer on the thread!!! 🤣🤣🤣

There's a saying that it "takes a while village to bring up a child".
Are you concerned that you are infringing on your child's human right to own his or her own image?
You are basically denying your child a relationship with their/your extended family. How about school photos in the future? Unless your family are a bunch of peados then I'd choose your photis carefully. share them with your family, state they're not to be treated, but moat of all, maybe lighten up...

Just so I’m clear…grandparents have asked for a photo and you’ve refused? Okaaaay then.

You are so selfish. I pity your parents

I used to wonder this myself but even the most innocent of photos can end up in the hands of the wrong people.

I think it’s unkind to deny family members photos of your child because of the actions of one. My daughter and son in law don’t want photos of their children shared online and have made this very clear. But my daughter set up a private Fb group for family and friends and posts updates and photos on it fairly regularly. No one has shared those photos. Once or twice son in laws mum has broken the rules with photos she’s taken and he has had her up about it. She doesn’t agree with the ban but now respects it.

Well here’s a new level of attention seeking PFB bonkersness. Absolutely no one cares about pictures of a 6 month old baby on Fb etc. I’d try and chill out a bit before the little emperor has no family left! You sound exhausting

how often do the family members come and visit? Is the photos their main way of feeling bonded with the baby. The need to protect vs the need to share so that family members feel bonded to your child is a tricky balance

I understand why you don't want your child's photo being shared online and I also would be incredibly pissed if a family member had gone ahead and shared ds imagine online after being asked not to.

I personally would say to them again, that you need to know they will not share any photos of your child online and if they do then they won't receive any further photos of them. You've given it a period now where I think they'd know you mean it. If they betray your trust on that again then I'd see it as them making their choice.

I had to have words with my fil for sharing a photo of my son online (his social media was set to public) and I offered for him to either change his settings to the most secure or remove it, he chose to remove it. I'm sure they felt I was being over the top. I've worked with offenders some of whom with offences against children. I don't really care what they think. My child's safety is my priority. Ultimately they should be respecting your choices as the parent around your child's safety.

Maybe send them a photo of a random baby and see what happens with that.

Woah, I'm well taken a back by these comments. Hope they realise that the other side of the fence is judging their media obsessed lives seven ways to Sunday. Whatever happened to answering the question or scrolling on?

For what it's worth, I've blanket said no digital pictures of mine for all the reasons you've said and more. I've been very level about it "no digital pictures of our children, hard copies for your home- fine." It wasn't like this when I was growing up, people used to go to the photoshop to get their film printed and then have a family event to share and talk about the pictures. It was happy, social, special, controlled and not subject to GDPR and data ownership laws (yes you plonkers, even Whatsapp own everything you put on there). I'm too old and too knackered to care what anyone thinks. This is right for our family and we have a very happy life, family involvement or not.

You know what's right for your family, all you have to do next is say it out loud. As long as you're prepared that some may walk away then stick to your guns.