How can I tell family(parents) we don't want to share pictures of our baby with them.

[1stpregnancywoes]

I know this may seem strange and some may disagree but it is our baby and we are very keen to make sure her privacy is paramount and she can't consent. Initially we shared images of our baby with family via WhatsApp. We told them no sharing online. One family member did not listen to this and shared the photo.
We now no longer even want to share images with family at all as people just can't be trusted.
My husband's parents have again asked to see pictures of her ( mind you they haven't even asked how she is in around 6 months (she is 6 months and 1 week old)

How can we word this? How can we tell people
We don't want to share any images of her online at all. And that when they come to our home that we do not consent to them taking pictures of her as we know they will show/share them.

Thank you in advance

It wasn’t the grandparents (or hasn’t been said it was them) so why deny them photos of their grandchild. They are just alienating family

If you read OPs post they have not been interested in the grandchild for 6 months, so it's more likely that they alienated themselves and needed pics to look cute on sm.

Well you’ve no idea why they’ve not been in touch. Perhaps they already feel alienated due to other things going on. If OP thinks grandparents shouldn’t have photos of their grandchild then they probably aren’t very welcome in their home. Encouraging good relationships with grandparents is very important. I mean my ex in-laws threw their son out when they knew he was dating me (a white woman who had a child as a teen) but I had to put that in the past and encourage good relations, which continues now despite splitting with their son. The more people children have who love them the better. Why alienate. A simple open once option on what’s app can solve this. In my opinion (and many others clearly on this thread) it’s unnecessary and mean.

The not posting on social media bit is understandable

The not allowing anyone even grandparents to have or take a picture is the bat shit bit

Get some nice prints, put them in an envelope and post them updates.

Do you ever take your baby with you when you go shopping or on the train? Do you have any idea how many cctv cameras she's already been on?

You don't know the OP's reasons as to WHY they don't want the baby on social media.

The specific person that I don't want seeing our DS is not scanning our local town's CCTV footage on the off-chance as far as I know, but he is using other people's profiles to circumvent being blocked by almost everyone in our family.

Therefore for us CCTV, not an issue. Social Media, definitely an issue.

Personally I tend to work on things within my circle of control. I can actively ensure my child is clothed, fed, clean, changed etc and I can also do my utmost to protect them against things I'm aware as potentially harmful. Some of that may come from having conversations with those around me requesting them to change their behaviour, which may make them feel uncomfortable but if I have knowledge/data that they don't then it feels prudent. The internet is so permanent, and we are really only just realising the effects of it on people's lives. I'm not in agreement with the pp about not sharing any photos, or allowing photos to be taken, but if they made a basic request for the images not to be shared and that was ignored then it's not ridiculous that they're feeling unsure who to trust and hesitant to continue enabling behaviours they're uncomfortable with.

Another extreme example, after a case of sexual assault people are generally fearful of men (usually) for a while, even though it was just one man who performed the assault. It's not logical to write off all/the majority of men. It doesn't make sense to never leave the house, you've left the house thousands of times and been fine until that one time. Statistically you'll be fine. However, that's not how people tend to behave is it? They act afraid of everyone, it's a natural response. So in this way less extreme example the OP has had her trust broken and is now weary of trusting others. Can see the similarities.

Many years ago small kids would have skipped off out of the house and not returned until dinner time. It's not the done thing now because the world has changed. That's a shame, and it's restrictive, but it doesn't change it being a fact. There was a point when many people shared everything on the internet without being aware of the consequences too. It's been steadily changing as people become more aware of the consequences.

Interestingly on the whole in Germany people seem to have been far more aware of their digital footprint for years and have been far more discerning about sharing any information online. Including being more questioning about data from public CCTV and online banking and stuff. Not that relevant for this chat, but it's just occured to me they may have been way more switched on than us as a nation for a while.

You have no idea why they have not been in touch either.
It works both wayys, if grandparents want to be involved in a grandchild's lives, they also should be encouraging a positive relationship with children in law prior to child's birth. Your personal choices of putting stuff behind is yours and yours only, does not mean everyone else has to do the same, you dont know what OP's relationship with her in-laws is and as such your personal experience with your family does not apply. If GPs are toxic, then the child is not better off having them in their lives.
Many people on this thread showed they have very little understanding of why posting pics of children online is dangerous, so quite frankly I disregarded all the stupid and mocking comments.
OP had set boundaries which were subsequently disregarded, Im glad she is standing up foir her child's right to safety, which trumps family's right to have digital photos.

Her post title refers to their parents so I assume that it is either the OPs parents or in laws who have shared the photo. Given that she also refers to her PILs asking for more photos but states that they haven't even asked how the baby is in six months and she states that there is a back story, I'm assuming that the PILs are the sort of performative grandparents who love to show off as grandparents of the year on social media but who don't actually care about their grandchild or provide any help or support. Therefore, she isn't really bothered about alienating them.

why assume the backstory is something the GP have done. The OP doesn’t exactly sound like she’s facilitating a good relationship. The post doesn’t sound like it was the GP sharing the photos at all or it wouldn’t be mentioning other family members

You have no idea if the GP have tried to have a relationship or not. Perhaps they were treated badly when baby was born and haven’t got in touch for that reason. They are reaching out and OPs response is to say no photos. That’s hardly facilitating a good relationship.

You're hell bent to put all the blame on OP, I think not projecting would be helpful.

Yeah we have that same policy, the parents agree but there will always be some who still share on socials.
The kids stand on the yard or stage, parents take vids, I refuse to believe they don’t get shared.

What about people taking vids/photos in parks etc 🤷🏼‍♀️there is no way the OP can police the public, just her family I guess.

and others are hell bent in blaming the GP when none of us really know. I’d be interested to know their side of events.

Just print off a big bundle of sweet pics op and post the hard copies to them. That is facilitating face bonding etc, shows you aren’t trying to prevent them seeing, but provides a tangible reminder that you are concerned about them posting on social media. It’s much more of a faff to get a printed hard copy online: it couldn’t happen forgetfully.

You sound like you’re going out of your way to be cruel, and that you’re justifying this with your ridiculous self-righteousness.

Looking forward to the inevitable post in about a year when you complain the lack of interest from your family.

The number of people saying they're 'looking forward to' and 'hoping for' nasty things to happen to the OP in the future is awful. Can't imagine walking around with such bitterness inside me.

What a horrible undercurrent of society. Really hope I know none of you irl!

Although ironically does show just how shitty people can be on the internet...which does rather add weight to the OPs decisions on what to share there! Food for thought.

Eh!? Of course it isn't. It became about posting kids online when OP's relative litererally posted her kid online....

Me and OH are not on social media and therefore don’t particularly want our kids posted on social media, nothing wrong with that, but we do still send pictures and videos of the kids to family members, so far no one has posted pictures of our kids and we haven’t needed to ask them not to, they just assume I suppose as we aren’t on social media ourselves, if family wants to share pictures with extended family/friends they just show them the pictures on their phone, for example my Nan took a picture of my 8 month old wearing a cowboy hat and she is part of a country western club and showed the picture to her club friends on her phone, i wouldn’t have been happy of she had posted the photo on their fb page though xx

So what? AI tools are also using all the chats on Mumsnet - they use the entire internet to develop them; I couldn't care less if there's a picture of my kids amongst the millions of other images. As I said, I don't put pictures of my own kids on social media as I feel it should be a decision for them, but this reaction is ridiculous and extreme.

Im not being unaware. I can see potential problems. But usually they are not for a picture of a child, but a combination of factors.

As I said I know some people like this. It’s honestly bizarre to watch. They post birth announcements, have public accounts, use photos with smiley face stickers over the children. Tag with identifying info such as names, nicknames and birthdays. Yet decline all photos taken by or posted by anyone else. Thankfully the ones we are pals with are not as controlling as WhatsApp bans. But they do the social media dance and it’s bizarre to see.

But it does irk with some acquaintances we know. Because say for example nursery. They will be receiving pictures of your child, but you’re not allowed to see those pictures because they contain their child. It’s like seriously fuck off. You’re not the queen. No on gives a fuck about your child. They just want to see their own. And your stopping me seeing imagery of mine.

Personally on social media I am not worried about my child’s photos being used wrongly. Because they aren’t identifying. Ie. On my Facebook account (which is private but has far too many people) I don’t do use it. Don’t tag birth announcements, birthdays or anything. If you looked on it you wouldn’t know I have a child. So I don’t have the problem of OP because if his grandma wants to post a picture it doesn’t make a difference. Because how is anyone going to know that’s my child?! It’s just her grandchild unless she’s tagging it with @PigeonLady child born xz.zz.zz. Which obviously she doesn’t because that’s strange behaviour.

I also have a private instagram. For family and close friends only. There’s about 50 people on there. So I have no issue with that.

Unless someone believes that the one pic a grandparent is going to post is going to be pinched by an AI pedofile deepfake. Which is quite frankly insane. Sure it could happen. But out of the millions of pictures of children out there is a it a legitimate and likely risk. Probably not.

So yes I am very aware. Because I have to deal with this as a bystander on a regular basis. And it’s nearly always that the risks are not because of children’s pictures but because of the parents behaviour that I do markdown the people as either potty yet nice, or entirely narcissistic. Because unless you work for mi5 or are in witness protection. That’s 9.9 times out of ten what it is!

Whilst I do agree with you, I also think this whole idea of the ‘internet being permanent’ is a weird saying that people have invented to almost be more dramatic than necessary.

The internet is no more permanent than registering your baby, or applying for a passport, or bank account - you have to take a photo for both of those things? Yes you would hope that they are looked after properly in a database and I agree that not as many people can access it, but the permanent point remains the same.

Putting some pictures up of a newborn baby’s face isn’t the problem, the problem is absolutely that her trust was broken - but I don’t believe that was intentional at all and perhaps didn’t realise just how strongly she felt about it.

My point has always been that it’s completely and utterly ridiculous to say a baby hasn’t given consent because to me that’s as ridiculous as saying my baby hasn’t told me what gender it wants to be…which is for another thread entirely 😂🤦‍♀️

@rainydays03
My point has always been that it’s completely and utterly ridiculous to say a baby hasn’t given consent because to me that’s as ridiculous as saying my baby hasn’t told me what gender it wants to be…which is for another thread entirely 😂🤦‍♀️
agreed baby consent is ridiculous, and just an excuse in my opinion xx