Page 14 | How can I tell family(parents) we don't want to share pictures of our baby with them.

1stpregnancywoes · 2024-09-20T16:28:12+00:00

I know this may seem strange and some may disagree but it is our baby and we are very keen to make sure her privacy is paramount and she can't consent. Initially we shared images of our baby with family via WhatsApp. We told them no sharing online. One family member did not listen to this and shared the photo. We now no longer even want to share images with family at all as people just can't be trusted. My husband's parents have again asked to see pictures of her ( mind you they haven't even asked how she is in around 6 months (she is 6 months and 1 week old) How can we word this? How can we tell people We don't want to share any images of her online at all. And that when they come to our home that we do not consent to them taking pictures of her as we know they will show/share them. Thank you in advance

Edenmum2 · 20/09/2024 23:07

@Peaceandquietandacuppa but that's not what's happening, she's saying that she's never going to send photos on a private WhatsApp to her closest family because 1 person shared one photo online, once.

Pallisers · 20/09/2024 23:08

OP could you print out photos and send them on (mind you they could scan and post I suppose)

The current way of posting every bit of life online is not good. And it is especially not good for children who can't consent to their image being all over the web (and if anyone thinks this is the same as a baby consenting to having a nappy changed, well, you need to see someone about that).

I met a friend for lunch today and she told me that her cousin had recently posted a picture of her and her dad on facebook. She is 62. the photo of her was when she was 16 and she was wearing a bikini. She asked her cousin to take it down but why does anyone think that is ok? Putting a photo of anyone but yourself up?

And what's with the concept that posting photos is somehow having an actual relationship or connection with someone. Why can't the grandparents facetime to see the baby? Or call and ask about the baby?

good luck OP. I suspect you have a lot of boundary pushing to deal with.

rainydays03 · 20/09/2024 23:11

Sittingontheline · 20/09/2024 23:06

It matters because the parents have decided they don't want it to happen. Not really sure what other answer you were looking for. It matters to them - yours and and other person's opinion on it is irrelevant, this isn't your child so do as you're damn well asked.

When the child is old enough to make their own decisions then they can do.as they please. Until then, it's up to the parents.

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But now you’ve said that because you can’t answer my point about why it matters having a newborns face online…

My point wasn’t about what the parents have asked - my opinion of that was that it was a ridiculous way of thinking and actually a very sad way of looking at life, and i suspect they will push a lot of family members away behaving like that.

Calliopespa · 20/09/2024 23:25

Pallisers · 20/09/2024 23:08

OP could you print out photos and send them on (mind you they could scan and post I suppose)

The current way of posting every bit of life online is not good. And it is especially not good for children who can't consent to their image being all over the web (and if anyone thinks this is the same as a baby consenting to having a nappy changed, well, you need to see someone about that).

I met a friend for lunch today and she told me that her cousin had recently posted a picture of her and her dad on facebook. She is 62. the photo of her was when she was 16 and she was wearing a bikini. She asked her cousin to take it down but why does anyone think that is ok? Putting a photo of anyone but yourself up?

And what's with the concept that posting photos is somehow having an actual relationship or connection with someone. Why can't the grandparents facetime to see the baby? Or call and ask about the baby?

good luck OP. I suspect you have a lot of boundary pushing to deal with.

Edited

Yes I agree with the point about photos not constituting or being the point of the relationship. Many on here have implied relatives are entitled to withhold interest ( and presents! Don’t forget the presents! As if we all procreate primarily in order to extract gifts from people) if they don’t get their dues in photographic images. That’s a bit weird.

Didshejustsaythatoutloud · 20/09/2024 23:52

BunsenBurnerBaby · 20/09/2024 17:35

What’s the fear here? Is your baby adopted and you are concerned birth family might find baby? If there is a rational concern explain it to your family. Otherwise…. You are trying to control too much for your own long term mental health IMO

Very controlling behaviour,. Worrying 😟

Lucy25 · 20/09/2024 23:59

Bigearringsbigsmile · 20/09/2024 17:29

This is madness. Absolute madness.

Why? It’s up to the parents.

Deadringer · 21/09/2024 00:00

Op Copernicus called, you are not the centre of the universe.

PigeonLady · 21/09/2024 00:03

I know some people like this. They are quite nice really so it makes it all the more confusing. But yes it’s absolutely barmy. What are you worried is going to happen?

Lucy25 · 21/09/2024 00:04

Nafotdbs · 20/09/2024 17:43

Wow the comments here are off the charts. The OP has asked her family not to share photos on social media and had her wishes disregarded and you think they're the one being unreasonable??? The entitled family member who ignored the request of the parent is the one in the wrong here.

Agreed with a pp that it feels unfair to punish the majority for the actions of an individual though. Worth reiterating your wishes on the matter and if that doesn't work then stick to sharing individually with those who have proven they can be trustworthy?

This.

ASGIRC · 21/09/2024 00:11

You know you can set pictures on whatsapp to only open once, right? Those do not get saved onto your phone, and you cannot take a screenshot of them.

Just use that, and that way you are sharing pictures, but they arent able to share them on social media.

Everyone is happy!

ASGIRC · 21/09/2024 00:11

You know you can set pictures on whatsapp to only open once, right? Those do not get saved onto your phone, and you cannot take a screenshot of them.

Just use that, and that way you are sharing pictures, but they arent able to share them on social media.

Everyone is happy!

Miley1967 · 21/09/2024 00:15

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

This.

MissTrip82 · 21/09/2024 00:16

Just send photos that are view once only on what’s app.

Why are you surrounded by untrustworthy family and friends do you think?

Youcantcallacatspider · 21/09/2024 00:17

PigeonLady · 21/09/2024 00:03

I know some people like this. They are quite nice really so it makes it all the more confusing. But yes it’s absolutely barmy. What are you worried is going to happen?

It really doesn't matter what OP 'thinks' is going to happen. It's her child who she has responsibility for. She's asked for something not to happen. This thing is not necessary and will bring no benefit or joy to the child. It doesn't matter if the parent is asking you not to share photos, not to dress them in green or not to feed them baked beans on Wednesdays you respect their wish and do it. Who the hell is so pigheaded that they think they have a say over someone else's (presumably) well looked after child?! This place is seriously mental tonight even by mn standards.

dutysuite · 21/09/2024 00:17

It’s cruel. I can’t imagine not wanting to send my family photos of my children or receiving photos of my nephew and nieces, it would upset me if my children restricted photos of future grandchildren and stopped me taking photos. As much as I would find it upsetting, I would of course accept their wishes. Re posting photos on social media I agree with you on that, I no longer post any photos of my children, they are teens now so they would hate it anyway and all the photos I uploaded to fb in the past when they were little I’ve now set to private.

PigeonLady · 21/09/2024 00:21

Youcantcallacatspider · 21/09/2024 00:17

It really doesn't matter what OP 'thinks' is going to happen. It's her child who she has responsibility for. She's asked for something not to happen. This thing is not necessary and will bring no benefit or joy to the child. It doesn't matter if the parent is asking you not to share photos, not to dress them in green or not to feed them baked beans on Wednesdays you respect their wish and do it. Who the hell is so pigheaded that they think they have a say over someone else's (presumably) well looked after child?! This place is seriously mental tonight even by mn standards.

Edited

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Yes it is mental!

ItWasOnAStarryNight · 21/09/2024 00:32

"Op Copernicus called, you are not the centre of the universe"

🤣

Sooverwork · 21/09/2024 00:36

CrouchingTigerHiddenChocolate · 20/09/2024 17:34

"Hello, we have decided none of you are worthy of having photos of the next messiah. I shall be draping a blanket over my child until they are 18 and then they can decide if you're allowed to see their face. We will, however, require that you ask after the child, send presents, and otherwise be loving and involved"

I think I covered everything.

👍👍👍. Well worded.

Hydenseek78 · 21/09/2024 00:46

jen337 · 20/09/2024 18:10

What’s the issue of putting the baby’s photo on SM anyway? What exactly are you worried might happen?

Op probably doesn't want her child's photo to be taken from SM placed on the dark Web and jacked off over and vile things written about it but hundreds of pedophiles all over the world. Yes it happens and yes it happens a fucking lot. Once it's on the Web it's there forever

Unrealnotunrealistic · 21/09/2024 01:11

AnonyMoi · 20/09/2024 20:19

If you tell them they will treat you as if you were crazy (just like some commenters have already done). Just don't share them, invent excuses, be "lazy" with pictures, share pictures of their backs while on a beautiful trip or while doing something. If you go straight with a discourse, they'll keep nagging you: it's best to act like you "forget" or something lile this.
I think you are doing the absolutely right thing here: protecting your children, establishing consequences for those who ignore your boundaries.

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This. Thanks @AnonyMoi

ThatsMyCheese · 21/09/2024 02:10

Nafotdbs · 20/09/2024 17:43

Wow the comments here are off the charts. The OP has asked her family not to share photos on social media and had her wishes disregarded and you think they're the one being unreasonable??? The entitled family member who ignored the request of the parent is the one in the wrong here.

Agreed with a pp that it feels unfair to punish the majority for the actions of an individual though. Worth reiterating your wishes on the matter and if that doesn't work then stick to sharing individually with those who have proven they can be trustworthy?

Unless I read it wrong she didn't say they shared it on social media, only that they shared it.....could have been with an Aunt for all we know.

Muthaofcats · 21/09/2024 03:13

minou123 · 20/09/2024 18:05

What the hell is wrong with you

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Just pointing to the lunacy of OPs post!

Muthaofcats · 21/09/2024 03:14

Youcantcallacatspider · 20/09/2024 21:01

It's honestly both eyeopening and horrifying how many people are mocking and trivialising this. It really shows how naive we still are about social media and how laws and policies need to be tightened to protect people from their own stupidity

Edited

I agree posting kids online is problematic but this is about letting family see a picture of their relative??

Tulipsareredvioletsarebue · 21/09/2024 05:51

PigeonLady · 21/09/2024 00:03

I know some people like this. They are quite nice really so it makes it all the more confusing. But yes it’s absolutely barmy. What are you worried is going to happen?

A number of purple explained why they avoid posting pics online, you seem very unaware and naive about it.

Tulipsareredvioletsarebue · 21/09/2024 05:53

Muthaofcats · 21/09/2024 03:14

I agree posting kids online is problematic but this is about letting family see a picture of their relative??

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Which resulted in the said relatives post the photos publically against OP wishes.

How can I tell family(parents) we don't want to share pictures of our baby with them.

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