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Original poster

How can I tell family(parents) we don't want to share pictures of our baby with them.

489 replies

1stpregnancywoes · 20/09/2024 17:28

I know this may seem strange and some may disagree but it is our baby and we are very keen to make sure her privacy is paramount and she can't consent. Initially we shared images of our baby with family via WhatsApp. We told them no sharing online. One family member did not listen to this and shared the photo.
We now no longer even want to share images with family at all as people just can't be trusted.
My husband's parents have again asked to see pictures of her ( mind you they haven't even asked how she is in around 6 months (she is 6 months and 1 week old)

How can we word this? How can we tell people
We don't want to share any images of her online at all. And that when they come to our home that we do not consent to them taking pictures of her as we know they will show/share them.

Thank you in advance

OP posts:
Nightowl1234 · 20/09/2024 22:19

Mate, no. I’m normally on the side of the parents over the grandparents/extended family, but this is batshit. Get over yourselves.

Shadesofautumn · 20/09/2024 22:22

Youcantcallacatspider · 20/09/2024 20:38

That's totally different and unless you're an idiot you know full well it is. Social media images have the ability to destroy lives. Once they're out there there's no taking them back and no limit to how they can be used. It should 100% be up to a consenting individial whether they want to take this risk. I thought that the older generation understood this about social media more clearly than teenagers but apparently not...

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Well, tbh I agree with the sentiment. I dont share photos of my dc online. I do however share photos with family and close friends privately. But unless you are an idiot , you should know that you cannot stop a member of public taking photos of you or your child. So it's all very well not sending photos of your child to family, theres nothing you can do to stop them being photographed in public. Then there's all the cctv tapes etc , and the possibility of them/your phone etc being hacked into etc..Its a slippery slope

Ilikeadrink14 · 20/09/2024 22:26

Pennyswimsplash · 20/09/2024 17:44

I feel so sorry for the grandparents and wider family. You sound deranged.

I agree with the person who said this is madness! So one person went against your wishes so everyone has to suffer? How juvenile.
You are a parent now. People will want to see your baby, and shock, horror, grandparents may even want to hold the child!
Do stop being so vindictive. The bond between a child and its grandparents is priceless. Are you really going to spoil that?

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Edenmum2 · 20/09/2024 22:26

Would you now expect your mum to ask for consent if she wanted to show a photograph of you to another family member?

Edenmum2 · 20/09/2024 22:28

Why are you even taking photos of the baby if she can't consent?

YesitsBess · 20/09/2024 22:29

@Shadesofautumn how much of that CCTV/hypothetical hacked phone footage do you think makes its way online?

I don't think one can argue that because we're under surveillance from cameras in public we should have no say in what is posted online when shared privately? For a start that nullifies revenge porn as an offence. Plenty of people sunbathe top less on a beach which might have a camera, absolutely none of those people would be happy with a targeted image of them top less being shared online under their real name.

YesitsBess · 20/09/2024 22:32

Ilikeadrink14 · 20/09/2024 22:26

I agree with the person who said this is madness! So one person went against your wishes so everyone has to suffer? How juvenile.
You are a parent now. People will want to see your baby, and shock, horror, grandparents may even want to hold the child!
Do stop being so vindictive. The bond between a child and its grandparents is priceless. Are you really going to spoil that?

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So priceless that those grandparents haven't asked how the grandchild is in 6 months?

Get in the bin.

PrestonHood121 · 20/09/2024 22:33

If the family live far away, don’t be expecting birthday cards and gifts for a child they’ve barely even seen a photo of.

Dhdidndnddn · 20/09/2024 22:38

Nafotdbs · 20/09/2024 17:43

Wow the comments here are off the charts. The OP has asked her family not to share photos on social media and had her wishes disregarded and you think they're the one being unreasonable??? The entitled family member who ignored the request of the parent is the one in the wrong here.

Agreed with a pp that it feels unfair to punish the majority for the actions of an individual though. Worth reiterating your wishes on the matter and if that doesn't work then stick to sharing individually with those who have proven they can be trustworthy?

Wholeheartedly agree with this

Mishuckliza13 · 20/09/2024 22:42

How will you feel in years to come when it’s your grandchild and you're not allowed to see pics of them?

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 20/09/2024 22:44

You could watermark them

NewName24 · 20/09/2024 22:45

If you shared photos with several family members, and everyone respected your wishes about not putting anything on social media except for one person why are you withholding them from all the people who followed your wishes ?
That doesn't make sense.
Why not just share them with the people who have shown they won't put them on social media ?

Lifeomars · 20/09/2024 22:49

a very dear friend of mine has a three year old who brings me much joy. From the first scan onwards she has shared pictures and videos with me. I always ask her permission to forward them and she is always more than happy to do so.

rainydays03 · 20/09/2024 22:52

Ucchildcare · 20/09/2024 21:37

Are you 14???

There is a massive difference in changing your childs nappy and posting pictures of them online for the whole world too see

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No but are you? Defending someone who is saying a newborn baby can’t give consent it’s quite frankly
pathetic! Regardless of what the consent is for 🤦‍♀️

rainydays03 · 20/09/2024 22:54

YesitsBess · 20/09/2024 21:30

She's not posting that on FB though is she?

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Oh stop it, it’s absolutely irrelevant what the ‘consent’ is needed for.

rainydays03 · 20/09/2024 22:56

Nafotdbs · 20/09/2024 21:44

@Ucchildcare @rainydays03 You also don't need their consent to tattoo them...doesn't mean you would, for a multitude of reasons but a primary one being common sense. Something severely lacking on this thread.

Nappy change - necessary
Feeding the baby - necessary
Bathing the baby - necessary
Posting pictures on social media - not necessary!!

Appreciate that's an extremely ridiculous example but that does rather seem to be the tone this thread has gone down...

Edited
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So where do you draw the line? Do you keep your child hidden indoors in case somebody accidentally takes a picture of them whilst taking a picture of their own? Or do you not take them to the shops as other people will see their face? I highly doubt OP or her family have millions of followers of social media, so she’s just using it as an excuse to be ridiculously precious

Peaceandquietandacuppa · 20/09/2024 22:58

UneFoisAuChalet · 20/09/2024 20:06

Utter madness.

Reading shit like this really makes me miss the 80s and 90s. Basically, the times before bloody Facebook. When people didn’t feel to publicise their every burp and fart to all and sundry.

A baby can’t consent?! FFS. Did your baby consent to being changed? Bathed? Fed?

What are you on about? I too miss the times before all had to be publicised on the internet - so why do random relatives feel the need to post pics of other people’s babies online where they can so easily be misused? There are bad people in the world and the internet is a scary place. Thats why the OP doesn’t want to share them. Why can’t we just go back to when people just had a printed photo or two on their mantle. You’re angry at the wrong thing here….

Peaceandquietandacuppa · 20/09/2024 22:59

rainydays03 · 20/09/2024 22:56

So where do you draw the line? Do you keep your child hidden indoors in case somebody accidentally takes a picture of them whilst taking a picture of their own? Or do you not take them to the shops as other people will see their face? I highly doubt OP or her family have millions of followers of social media, so she’s just using it as an excuse to be ridiculously precious

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But why do they need to post pictures of her baby online? It doesn’t matter how many followers they have - all content you post is there forever, like it or not.

Dinosaurlover · 20/09/2024 23:01

Peaceandquietandacuppa · 20/09/2024 22:59

But why do they need to post pictures of her baby online? It doesn’t matter how many followers they have - all content you post is there forever, like it or not.

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We don't know that they have. We know one person shared an image. That could be as simple as forwarding it to a relative on WhatsApp.

Peaceandquietandacuppa · 20/09/2024 23:01

Edenmum2 · 20/09/2024 22:26

Would you now expect your mum to ask for consent if she wanted to show a photograph of you to another family member?

Don’t be ridiculous. Showing someone isn’t putting the photo out there for anyone to download forevermore is it. This thread 😅

YesitsBess · 20/09/2024 23:01

rainydays03 · 20/09/2024 22:54

Oh stop it, it’s absolutely irrelevant what the ‘consent’ is needed for.

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It's not at all.

Personal care that stops you being covered in poo? Fine

Sharing your image with the entire World
not fine?

HtH * *

rainydays03 · 20/09/2024 23:02

Peaceandquietandacuppa · 20/09/2024 22:59

But why do they need to post pictures of her baby online? It doesn’t matter how many followers they have - all content you post is there forever, like it or not.

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And why does this matter? Like it or not this is the way of the world. You can’t protect your child
from going online it’s inevitable at some point - why does it matter having a picture of a babies face online?

Peaceandquietandacuppa · 20/09/2024 23:03

Dinosaurlover · 20/09/2024 23:01

We don't know that they have. We know one person shared an image. That could be as simple as forwarding it to a relative on WhatsApp.

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The trouble is, you don’t know what then happens with it if they forward it. I agree she is maybe taking it a step far by not sharing with anyone based on the actions of one person, but I assume she is asking advice because she wants to share but wants to set boundaries first.

DinosaurMunch · 20/09/2024 23:05

WiddlinDiddlin · 20/09/2024 18:16

As unspeakably disgusting as that is...

Exactly what harm comes to the child in the photos, who is presumably no longer recognisable as that baby anyway?

I get that it is disgusting and all the rest, I do just mean specifically to the child in question, how does this hurt them?

I understand being careful with images of children who are recognisable and will be ever more so as they grow up, before they can consent to their images being shared, and I do think we are heading towards an epic shitstorm as the children of influencers and just 'oversharing thoughtless parents' in general, wake up and realise and get angry about how much of their lives their parents have made public...

But little babies, from 0 to around a year, are barely recognisable as the children and adults they become to anyone but their very close relatives (hell there are photos of me that i had to be told WERE me not my sister, as a baby). So I really don't see what harm can come to them (not distress to parents or other relatives, thats a seperate issue) from photos being shared in a fairly minimal way.

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Well obviously they are keeping growing past the age of one. You may as well start as you mean to go on. Do you imagine the rule breaking relative is going to stop sharing the images after age 1?

Sittingontheline · 20/09/2024 23:06

rainydays03 · 20/09/2024 23:02

And why does this matter? Like it or not this is the way of the world. You can’t protect your child
from going online it’s inevitable at some point - why does it matter having a picture of a babies face online?

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It matters because the parents have decided they don't want it to happen. Not really sure what other answer you were looking for. It matters to them - yours and and other person's opinion on it is irrelevant, this isn't your child so do as you're damn well asked.

When the child is old enough to make their own decisions then they can do.as they please. Until then, it's up to the parents.