Morning battles leaving me in tears

[TeainanIV]

I'm at my wits end with my 3 year old - in the last two months we have daily battles getting her dressed. She only wants to wear dresses, no idea why, and refuses to wear anything else. The issue is, when it's a day like today where it's throwing it down with rain and super windy we need her to wear leggings and a top as it's too cold for the summer dresses she favours.

I'm currently crying in my bedroom now as she's been screaming (and I mean screaming) for the last 45 minutes. Both husband and I are late for work, we haven't even brushed her teeth yet - another trauma that involves pinning her down whilst she screams. This is every single morning and evening (when factoring in tooth brushing) and I'm completely done with it.

In every other way she's a brilliant child and we don't have these huge meltdowns. But I'm finding it so hard to cope each morning and evening. I'm also 29 weeks pregnant and it's getting increasingly more difficult to manage them due to bump. I'm now wracked with guilt as I've essentially had to force her in to her clothes, why do toddlers have the strength of the Hulk when they're in the middle of a meltdown?

We've tried so many different methods to avoid these massive meltdowns - we let her pick her clothes (but it's always a dress she chooses), when a dress isn't possible we provide options for her to pick from, we try picking the night before to avoid morning stress, we discuss the weather with her to preempt clothes - nothing works and it's exhausting.

Is this normal?! She is so strong willed, which in many ways I love, but I'm beginning to dread mornings now as it's horrendous - and god knows what our neighbours must think!! Thank you, from one overwhelmed and exhausted Mum 😫

Normal, it's all part of them learning independence.

Just let her wear a dress.

One of mine wore his wellies every day for a year.

@Frostycottagegarden we usually do just let her, but it's so cold today and we've had comments from nursery recently over her clothes asking us to put something warmer on her 😫 feels like we can't win! I want to film her and show them to explain why she ends up in a summer dress every day!! When I tell them they don't believe me as she's a little angel when she's there 🙈

Pick your battles. Brushing teeth is important. That she wants to wear a dress rather than leggings is not.

My DD would only wear dresses from the age of about 2 until she was at school if not year 1. I just let her but she wore leggings with them if it was cold or we were going to the park. Often paired with a hoodie or jumper. It was a real Mish mash of clothes and probably didn't look very fashionable but she was happy so I picked my battles. Just let her wear whatever she wants and life will be much easier.

I’d let her wear the dress but pack warmer clothes in a bag for nursery that she can put on if she gets cold.
Maybe buy some warmer dresses if you can find them. I remember loving a courdrey dress and velvet dress as a child.

Mine was the same at that age. They grow out of it. And if they stubbornly remain cold, it’s not going to kill them. They’ll just be cold for a bit. On occasion, Mine would tinge blue and shiver rather than put a coat on. He’s still alive.

Just let her wear her dress and put leggings on underneath.

She's three - it doesn't matter if it's coordinated or not.

Put tights/leggings on under her dress and a cardigan/zip hoodie on top?

There'll be a reason why she's refusing the teeth brushing. If you can find out why she hates it, it will be easier.
It might be that the brush is too hard or the toothpaste taste.

@sunsetsandboardwalks nothing to do with her being coordinated, I'm not fussed about what she looks like to be honest - and she's going in today looking particularly feral after this morning's tantrum! 🙈

It's more her being warm. I've thrown leggings and jumpers in the bag for nursery so that'll have to do

Dresses with leggings on?

I was the child who screamed from age 18 months when my mum tried to put me in dresses. She gave up and let me wear what I wanted. Kids can have a very strong sense of their identity very early on.
I still don’t wear dresses!

It's totally normal. I'd often be in tears by 9am! Even at almost 7 mine still has to be nagged to do teeth and get dressed. Pick your battles if she wants to wear a dress just put tights on and a jumper on top, it's not that freezing cold at the moment.

Will she wear leggings under her dress? It really doesn't matter what she looks like.

Oh bless you. Been there. 9 yo DS still wants to only wear pants and indeed does anytime he can get away with it. He spent a good 8 months in a Hulk costume.
Let her wear the dress. Pack leggings and a jumper for her to put on if she gets cold. A breezy “are you sure you don’t want to wear something a bit warmer? Ok then, I’ll pack up your bits in case you get cold” will help assuage your guilt. It’s not Arctic out there, she won’t actually come to harm.
Teeth brushing is more difficult and I have to say we never negotiated or cajoled. It never ever felt optional, there was no chink. It was up and teeth brush (better to brush before breakfast) wrapped in a towel like a cat if necessary.
We got and get lots of things wrong but if I can pass on anything, it’s don’t stress about what they’re wearing.

My DD was the same and I lived with it. I carried her coat everywhere and I don't think she ever wore it. Just pack a bag of clothes for nursery and let her wear what she wants.

Thanks all for the comments, I do always have a jumper and leggings in her nursery bag - which I have told nursery time and time again yet they never seem to put them on her!

Feel stuck between a rock and a hard place, DH gets frustrated as he thinks I'm too lenient with her letting her wear what she wants all the time - but I'm in agreement with you all on letting her wear the dresses each day (and to be honest, after this morning's nonsense I'm hoping he'll be more on side too).

I think I've found today particularly hard as just not sleeping with this pregnancy and overtired, and now feeling guilty for forcing her in to clothes. Every day is a lesson though and will take on board everyone's advice and experiences - thank you! Xx

Just let her wear the dresses.

My DD4y7m has been the same, I can't be bothered, as she'll be fine and I just take a cardigan and tights/leggings along and put them in her later.

She sometimes stores outside and admits she's cold and ours her cardi on she just goes a bit chilly for a while.

Take her shopping and let her choose her autumn wardrobe! She sounds like a fantastic spirit xx

Let her wear the dresses and pack warmer clothes for nursery. Then reiterate on drop off to her, if she gets cold there’s warmer clothes in her bag.

Teeth brushing is mandatory task, have you tried any of the teeth brushing apps? They have songs and timer etc.

Yes think it’s normal at this age. Dd is 3 and likes to choose unsuitable clothes and has meltdown about it. Like you I’m not keen on her wearing dresses, not just the weather , she’s clumsy and grazes her knees a lot. They’re also a pain going to the toilet at nursery because there’s more fabric to get out of the way.
Will she wear leggings under the dresses? Tights?
Have you tried just putting them away? If something’s visible they want to wear it.

Well if DH thinks it's so important, he can do the morning dressing every day now, can't he?

Can I just add as well - it's nothing to do with what she looks like. I'm conscious I look like I'm treating her like a dress up doll! Both DH and I are very adamant that she chooses her own clothes and has her own sense of what she likes and who she is, this was more just about the weather and being dressed appropriately for that! Sorry, just conscious that it comes across as though I want her to look 'fashionable' which couldn't be further from the truth! Although, she does have a lemon jumper that I wish more than anything came in adult size!! 👀😅

I thinking packing leggins and a cardigan for nursery is a fine solution.

But since in clothes and teeth brushing it coukd be a bit of a sensory issue.

Teeth brushing you can get all different types of toothbrush and you can also get non foaming non flavoured toothpaste. Also a little timer showing how long she has to brush for so she knows it's not endless torture.

For leggings you might find if you give her legs a bit of a massage first, they don't feel so horrid to her when you put them on. Or get her to rub her legs. She can stretch the fabric a bit and warm it slighlty too.

Maybe I read your OP wrong, but it seems like you were saying she couldn't wear a dress, it had to be leggings and a top - so it did read a bit like it was about coordination and things matching.

Just put her in the summer dress and tights or leggings or even trousers underneath.

@BaselineDrop thank you for your lovely message, made me well up (happier tears this time!!) feeling guilty as I definitely didn't keep my cool this morning!!

Just tell them at handover EVERY DAY that's there's more clothes in her bag. They shouldn't be making comments if you've provided warm clothes anyway!