Ex wife

[TheHappyWriter]

Writing on behalf of partner.

Hi, I pay child maintenance for my son, today he has received his a level results so I have reported the change on the child maintenance website. (Previously reported the change when he left college back in late June but my ex wife declined it as she wanted to wait until results day)

CSA have stated that my ex wife is still claiming child benefit and they can't change my payment schedule until she informs child benefit.

My ex wife is refusing to inform child benefit until 1st September - my csa payment is due on 1st September. Therefore, she will receive another payment from me.

My ex wife declines, and has stated she will continue to decline the change in circumstances I put through the csa portal.

Help.

@Freeyourmind - thank you for your response.

This. Shane on you thinking financially supporting your child is punishment.

Oh just pay it, it's £300 for the last time.

You keep on. You’re not doing this for the benefit of your son. You wouldn’t be hyperventilating two seconds after he got the results if you were. Like I said, embarrassing for you.

Are you on Direct Pay or Collect and Pay?

You keep referring to your ex wife as abusive and yet you left your child there. You appear to have some strange ideas about the role of a dad.

I need to know where I stand when my ex wife is refusing to communicate with the csa and child benefit.

The child benefit will stop automatically unless the adult claiming it is able to send proof that the child will be continuing in further education. Your ex will have been unable to do that as your son will be moving on to higher education. There is no need for her to tell them that your son has received his A-level results.

Hi OP. I'm not going to get into the rights and wrongs of how much you should/shouldn't pay going forward as that is a moral opinion... and the decision you make about that is entirely yours to make based on individual circumstances. However there is NO legal obligation to support a child once child benefit ends.

For a 'child' who leaves school after A levels and goes to further education, say a technical college or other non-advanced education. Then she can continue to claim cm until the course ends or until he is 20 whatever comes first.

For a 'child' going from school aged 18 and either going to work or on to 'advanced education'. (University) then child benefit ends on the 31st August.

You don't need to do anything except cancel your direct debit. She would have been notified that this is happening and asked only to contact them if he is going into approved further education or vocational training with details of the course - as he is not doing that then it will stop automatically.

You just need to work out if you are paying in arrears or advance and the number of days that you owe proportionally. Pay that and it's done .

For example if you pay in arrears and you paid on the 31/7 then you owe one more payment. If in advance then you owe nothing. (Vast majority of people pay in arrears so you will probably owe something for this month up until 31/8.

After that what you do to support your child at Uni is entirely your business with him and has nothing further to do with your ex. I'm a single parent and dad is abroad and never paid CM so both mine had to work through Uni as I could only afford £100 a month to support. There is no hard and fast rule - it depends entirely upon your other obligations and available money.

OP you’re not going to get much sympathy or help on here. My partner has an abusive ex and she’ll grab any money she can (like withholding child so she can claim more ££) so I get where you’re coming from. Not sure why people on here think all women are whiter than white.

I recommend a site called dads with kids, just google it. Some really helpful advice on there from members who have been through it. They were invaluable throughout my partner’s court case.

She doesn't need to notify child benefit. She needs to notify them if your son is staying in non advanced level education, which he isn't. She/he qualifies for child venefit until 31st August of the year he leaves a levels, not the date he got his results. Your last payment will be August 1st

Abusive towards dad doesn’t necessarily mean abusive towards child.

Also @TheHappyWriter the staff at CMS often don’t know what they’re talking about so don’t take what they’re saying as gospel. If you’re unsure then ring again and talk to someone else, you’ll likely get a different answer.

Wow OP, what an intelligent prince you chose. You must be so proud.

My DD is 18 and the last CSA payment I got was the end of July this year. I'd had a letter from child benefit saying they would be stopping payments in August as she is no longer in full time education (not sure how they know as they've never asked and she was waiting for her results today to decide if she should continue education or get a job). I've heard nothing at all from her dad, they payments just stopped and I didnt have to inform anyone and got nothing from the CSA to confirm anything at all. He was only paying £150 per month though so its not a huge loss to me really and she hardly ever goes to his either so I tend to buy her everything she needs.

It might be worth contacting the CSA again and ask for more clarification and state what your ex has said about results day too. Sounds like she is just being greedy.

This!

And she's using CM to 'Abuse him'

Jesus.

You really need to be supporting your son with CMS through the summer holidays as he isn’t independent yet. Or is DS going to be paying for his upkeep between now and university?

OP your ex wife sounds like she uses you as a meal ticket. As a woman I think it’s disgusting how women use children to get money!

the OP has told everyone several times he is still going to help his son out, why should he pay the ex wife??? OP the minute you can stop it then do, men can’t win either way on this site; it doesn’t matter if they pay or not they still get abuse!

If you're such a paragon of working dad virtue why the need for CSA in the first place? My exh is an utter dick but even he manages to pay a privately agreed sum on time every month without chasing and without the need to go through CSA (and their %). So how come, if you're such a decent hard working non deadbeat dad you couldn't do the same? Or is it so that you can do as you're doing and cancel the claim as soon as humanly possible once a-level results are in.

Maintenance is for supporting children not punishment of the parents. Who cares if there's one more month of it being paid through CSA or you giving it directly to your son if that's what you're claiming you're going to do anyway?

The only question I would genuinely ask is who is supporting your son from today until he moves to university mid September. If he is paying keep to his mother then I can see both sides, but if he does not have any income of his own until his student maintenance loan arrives then who do you expect to support him, if it's his mother then the child maintenance is your share surely.

@TheHappyWriter
Sorry that you're having such a hard time here.
It doesn't matter what your ex wife says about not notifying CHB of your DS leaving college - when a child leaves non-advanced education then CHB stops on 31st Aug and is no longer payable from 1st Sept. If your exw receives CHB past this date then she will have been overpaid and will need to pay it back.
The last day that CM is payable for legally is 31st Aug because your DS has finished A-levels and is going to Uni.
It could well be that your ex wife hasn't confirmed to CHB Centre that DS is definitely leaving as she was waiting for results because some kids don't do as well as expected and repeat the last year. CHB can be payable up to a child's 20th birthday but only if they remain in non-advanced education.

So to clarify for the OP (and everyone else!)
Your DS has had his A-level results and will be going to uni therefore CHB will definitely stop on 31/8/24.
Your CM will stop on 31/8/24.
No CM is payable from 1/9/24
You can cancel your SO/DD for the CM immediately
You can happily transfer your payments to your son in order to help support him at uni without further ado.
CMS is talking bollocks
Your ex wife is talking bollocks

The ONLY reason that any of this would change is if your DS was unhappy with his results and wanted to resit his second A-level year. If that happened then CHB and CM would continue until 31/8/25.

It's one payment.

The kid never stays round at the dads house (whether he chooses to or not)
£300 won't be covering all the expense for this boy when he's with the default parent (mum) most of the time.

It's not that men can't win, it's that the boy has literally just opened his results and hasn't even been given a day to process everything before his dads breathing down his mums neck about payments. It's pathetic.

Obviously if you wished to be kind to your son then perhaps you could consider paying CM for September but pay half to ex wife and half to DS? We did this when DSS left FT education but ultimately the financial burden falls on to your son to pay keep to his mum. Just a thought that meets your dilemma fairly?

Because while the ds is not yet at uni the ex wife is still incurring the costs of him living with her! Most kids don't go off to uni until middle of September at the earliest so op should pay the September payment to his ex wife! He seems absolutely desperate to stop supporting his child who has literally only just received his A level results, he should be ashamed of himself!

The CSA closed in 2012. I'm amazed that someone using the service doesn't know the name.

Anyway, like PPs have said CM (paid via the CMS) is payable up until the end of August when CB will automatically stop.

Agree. Plus he's already said he's going to pay his son, which in my opinion is the right thing to do once they hit 18, support them, not the mother. She can charge the 18 year old rent if she's that way inclined.