Ex wife

[TheHappyWriter]

Writing on behalf of partner.

Hi, I pay child maintenance for my son, today he has received his a level results so I have reported the change on the child maintenance website. (Previously reported the change when he left college back in late June but my ex wife declined it as she wanted to wait until results day)

CSA have stated that my ex wife is still claiming child benefit and they can't change my payment schedule until she informs child benefit.

My ex wife is refusing to inform child benefit until 1st September - my csa payment is due on 1st September. Therefore, she will receive another payment from me.

My ex wife declines, and has stated she will continue to decline the change in circumstances I put through the csa portal.

Help.

How much child benefit did you pay and how much time did you have your child? Are you planning to continue to directly support your child going forward? I’d probably let it go in the grand scheme of things…

I paid £300

I see my 18 year old son for a few times a week, he has a girlfriend, a life, and his mum to see. I can't demand I see him on certain days - I have to let him live his life.

Yes - I support him outside of csa with meals out, drinks out, feeding him (normal parental duties) but he doesn't sleep at my house. With him being 18, he has his own set up and I can't ask him to keep trawling that around with him. Hes 19 soon.

Once csa stops, he will be at university but I will give him money directly, when he needs it. I just can't do this whilst paying csa too. I also have my own life to fund.

Let it slide? It's £300pm - it's a lot of money to some... alongside helping my son with his uni set up.

I just need to know where I stand with his mum refusing to inform anyone of the change.

Is it one more payment?
In that case just pay it.
Child benefit can't be paid passed child's 20th birthday
So maybe you've got another 18 months or so unless child gets a job.
Just hang in there.

My son is going to university? I've been informed at stops when they leave education??

Just checked band it's says up to 20th birthday
My son's child benefits ended then - he was at college , then went ti uni.

I appreciate it’s a lot of money for you, but if he never stays with you, you’ve done pretty well financially over the years. Theres a massive financial penalty if you have combine work with childcare. Are you planning to give that 300 to your child that month? Maybe ask ex if she’ll do that - she may think you’re not planning to contribute any more at all..

There are far more costs to having a teenager living at home with you than occasionally eating out or spending time with you.

It will stop at some point, but I find the desperate rush to stop supporting your son in this way quite odd.

She is very very hardwork and it always ends in her screaming and shouting and hurling abuse at me so I try to not communicate.

My son knows how I am helping him going forward.

With regards to him not staying overnight... he comes here, spends the day here, eats, washes, leaves at 11pm to sleep in his own bed, then comes back the morning after....... he does this because he has no money. Which is fine.

Just because he doesn't rest his head here, shouldn't mean I have to fork out £300 a month.

Csa is set up to punish working dads and it's wrong. It should be used only for the parents who don't see or support their child and some people abuse it.

Child maintenance stops when the child benefit stops and if he is going to university then the child benefit stops 2nd September. On the flip side he won't have started university by then and will still be supported primarily by his mother so I can see why she would feel entitled to the final payment.

He is 19 in a few months - he has his own life.

I cannot make a "MAN" of that age stay here with me when he has his study set up at home.

It isn't a rush. It's an entitlement.

I need to know where I stand when my ex wife is refusing to communicate with the csa and child benefit.

She is using csa to control and abuse me like she always has and it's unfair.

I want to contribute the money to my son, who is always needing food, new clothes, clothing washed and money - from me! Once the csa stops, the money I pay my ex wife can go straight to him so he benefits whilst at university.

Op I’d be embarrassed to write that on behalf of my partner. “CSA is set up to punish working dads”. Thanks for the laugh this morning!

I honestly don't think this is laughable.

Do you understand that males/dads get abused too? Do you realise what we have to go through too?

I adore my son. But I cannot force him to sleep at my house when he is 19 and has his own life and study set up at his mums.

I'm writing this post to see when my last payment will be so I can give him the money going forward for when he lives at university.

There are sadly dads/mums who don't see, pay, communicate, or bother with their children. I am not one of those.

CSA is to support the child/teenager. Saying it’s to punish working dads is laughable. You played a part in having a child, you do what you can to support them. The alternative is being a deadbeat dad.

If your son was living with you full time it would cost you far more than £300 a month, even if your child is a man with his own life.

so you think you shouldn’t have to pay for your son because you see him??! If you think child maintenance is set up to screw over working parents why didn’t you go part time and request your child 50% of the time? Then mom can work part time and no one pays any maintenance. I don’t understand why so many men give out about it when the simple solution is to take your child half the week and then the 300 is yours!!! And my very best of luck to you supporting a teenager on that !

@TygerLyon I support my son with csa to my ex wife, and other day to day needs thanks.

I don't need to be told what I need to do, I already do it.

I'm asking what do I do when she refuses to inform child benefit, and csa of the changes that he has now received his results.

Regarding the extra costs - she won't have them in 2 weeks when he moves to university in 2 weeks, then his plan is America. So she will be fine as she will lose csa, then he will no longer be there. I'm not questioning that.

I'm questioning the dates and what I need to find out my last payment date.

He must've got his results, what...3 hours ago? And within 2.5 hours of that, you've logged onto the website, said you want to stop paying for him, and from the sounds of it, followed that up with a phonecall? (Sorry if I've misunderstood the calling, that's how it reads from your OP)
Your son will be living with his mum til he starts Uni. Which isn't today. If you're so concerned about her having the 1 September payment and you not being able to give him money, then ask her to use that payment towards his initial Uni costs (eg a first food shop)
Your £300 won't go that far though.
And she can spend it on what she likes.

You wanted to stop the payment in June, presumably when he finished his exams. Do you not consider that she had costs related to him living in her house between June and now?
You sound miserly and like you're more interested in point scoring against his mum.

Your point about how hard working dads have it has made me really cross. You have no clue.

yet another dad who thinks time with their child somehow magically erases the cost of raising that child.
csa is not set up to “punish” you, it’s set up to make sure that children are financially supported.
I can guarantee you would have spent a hell of a lot more than $300 a month over the years if he had lived with you, or you hadn’t split up.
suck it up sweetheart.

What collection scheme are you on? If you pay her direct, just dont pay her on 1st September.

Then if you are contacted about the missed payment inform them that it wasnt required as child benefit was stopped on 31st August (it will stop then not on 1st September). If she disputes this, send the CSA proof of him going to Uni as you are not allowed to claim child benefit if the child is at uni.

I don't think you're listening to what I'm saying.

He's 18, I haven't asked him to stay here as he has his own study set up at his mums so he stays there. I request that I see him when he can in between studying, working, seeing his girlfriend, seeing friends, partying and spending time with his other parent. I cannot put pressure on him. He's 18 and can do what he likes. If I'd made him stay with me, he could've resented me. He's a grown man.

He is moving out in 2 weeks to university where he has a job, and accommodation so I will support him like any other parent would.

I just want to take the time to say thank you for your response.

She abuses me and the csa wont do anything until she informs child benefit which she is refusing to do.

This is all I wanted to know.

Thank you.

Sorry but it is laughable. The ink isn’t dry on his results yet and you are already trying to stop his payments within hours.
Kids at Uni have a lot of time at home. Have lots of extra costs. Do you think that they magically become free because they got their results.
You are an embarrassment and I feel sorry for your child if you think your, (not even covering half his costs), payment is a punishment. Shame on you.

I am in your ex wife's position. We don't have to inform the child benefit/child maintenance. The letter I have from child benefit says it will automatically stop on 2nd September if I don't reply to confirm my child is staying in full time education (which by going to uni our children are not). It literally says if your child is not going to stay in full time education you do not need to send this form back or contact us. They then inform child maintenance, so all is payable until 2nd September, that's how the system works.

I can see why your ex hasn't notified child benefit, as far as I can remember there is no need to they just send you notification (well in advance) that the payment will stop on X date unless you tell them otherwise.
Why would she tell them to stop paying her early just to benefit you, that doesn't make sense.
Unfortunately your next payment being due on the same day/day after payments stop is just bad timing I suppose - you could try cancelling the payment if its dd, but I have no experience of what will happen if you do this.
It does seem a bit much that this is one of the first things to sort on your DS results day.....

Yes because my son is asking for money for university items for living there.

I can't make a plan or budget until I know what the plan is.

It's actually my son who is questioning last payment as he knows my money is tied up in csa until it stops. When my payment stops to my abusive ex wife - I can then send the money directly to him - so he benefits. If he wants to send that money to his mum for her rent, he can. If he wants to use it towards his rent at university, or freshers week, he can.

Hi, my son is questioning and pushing this as we all need to budget for his university.

The money I pay her, I will pay him.

She is staying she hasn't received anything and she isn't willing to report the change at any point because she wants me to keep paying her.

I've no experience in csa and they are staying they can't act until child benefit have been notified of the change.